Anybody out there have this problem? I am a very shy, anxious person. I have always had trouble making friends ( being the chubby girl never helped, either!!). But I swear it's worse now that I have kids. I am trying to make friends w/ other moms and I am so bad at it. We have kids in common but that's it. I also have trouble with making friends (kids or no kids). I feel really alone inside sometimes. I tried a night out last night w/ some other women. They were all very nice. But I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. When I try to speak I end up looking stupid. I don't know. Just wondering what ya'll thought!!
I am not depressed or anything. I've lived with this all of my life. Just tired of it. I don't have panic attacks anymore. I am eternally grateful for that!

carafre

Hello...I know exactly where you're coming from....hence my user name I've always battled this and not sure why, it's just me. I feel awkward around other women and never really think I fit in..no matter how well the time goes when I'm around them. I'll analyze myself and ask myself...what's so different about me? and tell myself, sure people will like me, I'm a nice person....but it doesn't seem to help me. I just plain ole feel "different". I really wish I had some advice for you but I haven't really been able to "get over" it either. I think maybe I've done a tad better in the last few years but not much really. I still don't have any girlfriends whom I hang out with. But I'm also happy with that. I mean, I don't need friends but it would be nice to have a coupla girls I can relate to. One of my hubbys friends new girlfriend has been coming over lately with him...I talk to her and everything, but don't feel a "connection" of any sort and do still feel out of place talking to her when she is here....gosh I'm wierd. I do think alot of it was to do with my weight problem and perhaps getting it off is going to boost my self esteem and maybe thats part of the shyness....I dont know...I grew up with a mother who never had female friends though...so that might be part of it too. I will say that all of my hubbys friends and coworkers who have met me tell him I'm really nice, and he's lucky to have me. I guess it's just ME...I need to accept myself and then get out there and show everyone else just who I really am...I hope you do find a way to "break" out of your shell and if you do could you tell me your secret?

Hi carafre,

I know how you feel. I was always the chubby outsider in school and had a hard time making and keeping friends.

I'm happy to say I now have lots of friends and it's mainly because I joined a group of ladies who do fund raising and helping others. This gives us a "common cause" and a reason to get together on a regular basis, while at the same time doing something useful. At first I was reluctant to join, but luckily the woman who convinced me was very confident and made me feel welcome.

That was many years ago and nowadays nobody would know that I was once so shy. I practiced "acting" confident, even though I really wasn't!
Don't forget, most people are worrying how THEY come across, not about you!

Even if they don't join in actively with every conversation, I've noticed that the quieter ladies in our group (and we're a rowdy bunch!) seem to be just as accepted and popular. When the quiet ones do say something, everyone pays attention as it's not often that they speak up. I've heard it said that people who speak quietly and seldom are thought of as more intelligent than blabbermouths!

Remember that everyone wants to tell THEIR story, so a friendly inquiry about their family, kids, pets, vacations, health, etc. will get most people yakking away and they'll think YOU'RE the great conversationalist!

Hope you soon make some nice friends!

Thanks so much. I really wish I had close friends. I too had skinny friends that liked me hanging w/ them because it made them look better. Of course, back then I was too naive to know. I know that one day it'll get better. I just want to have that friend I can call and say "hey let's meet for coffee and talk about nothing."
I really appreciate all of your posts!!! I have seen several of ya on other posts. Great to finally meet ya!
If I do find out how to fix this, I'll let everyone know!! Like I sais before I am just tired of it... Here's a question - how do you be a friend (best/good...) to others? I always thought that listening and just being there was key. I wonder have things changed since I was young (er)?

carafre

Am the same way, have always been a wallflower even though it wasn't at choice. It was and still is like I am invisible. Could it be that I am just not an interesting person? Even days that should be about me are overlooked, birthday, anniversary and such. When is it my chance to be center of attention? I could probably run down a busy road naked and never get noticed.

OMG! I thought I was alone! haha. I've lived in california 3.5 years and haven't made a friend. I thought I had one from school but as soon as we didn't have a class together she didn't return my calls. I feel so lonely that sometimes I'll just cry and wonder what's wrong with me. Like at school people respect me and they'll ask me questions or let me take charge on a project so it's not like I'm invisibile. I'm just not worth spending time with or something. Like they use me for my brain but that's all I'm good for. The only connections I have for 2500 miles are my husband and my in-laws (unfortunately). It gets really hard not having anyone to hang out with or go christmas shopping with or talk to when something is wrong.

Boy, it felt good to say all that and know there are ther people in the same situation!

I know!! I am so upset b/c I don't have anyone to shop with or walk with or whatever!! I've been in Memphis for 3.5 years and all I have (and I know that I am lucky to have them) is my wonderful hubby and beautiful babies!! But I can't girl talk w/ them. I tried w/ the hubby and he fell asleep! I want that friend that I click w/ instantly. I hope that I will one day. I wonder also if it's me. I am shy, anxious. I am not hideous, however. You'd think I'd hit it off w/ someone. The ladies here in Memphis seem to all have their own groups and clicks. Just like high school all over again ( and I HATED high school!)

carafre

Yeah, I'm this way too, always have been. Making friends has never just come natrually or easily to me, and it's not because I don't want to, it's just hard to open up and let people get to know me. I've always wished I had that one, true, girlfriend who knows me inside and out, and accepts me just the way I am. Personally, I spend a lot of time putting up a false front, and very few people know the "real" me. I think a lot of it comes from being such a "people pleaser", how can anyone really get to know me if I never express my true feelings in an effort to always make others happy? Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are most certainly not alone.

Beverly

I'm not exactly shy, but I do not like being around people. I always feel awkward and strange when I'm around anyone outside the family. Since I feel that way, I tend to be indifferent. I have one friend, but we're really not that close.

Actually I don't mind having few friends. I like it that way.

Isn't it crazy that all of us feel like that? I mean, I feel like I was always an excellent judge of character (or moods of people) because I spent 15 years watching everyone react & interact w/eachother. I am amazed that I never spotted anyone else like me. Maybe I wasn't looking close enough. But I wanted to say thanks again for all of your responses. Is it sad that it's nice to know I'm not alone?

carafre