Life changing decisions...
 

Well it has finally come...

After nearly two years of searching for a new direction in my career one has finally presented itself! I got a job offer for a Monday-Friday (or Thursday) flexible hours career. I will start out making about the same and will go up from there. It is the perfect opportunity for my career and personal life.....but,

The BUT is moving. Moving 8ish hours away to be exact. So, selling the house is one thing but getting my husband on board is another. For reference, we have been married nearly 4 years, together for 7. His family is close (within 30 minutes) and my family is a two day drive away and has been since I first started working in my current career 8 years ago. My job now pays well, but it's shift work with crappy days off and there's always the potential for dangerous situations. My husband has a nice Monday-Friday job, every other Friday off. He likes what he does for the most part, but really likes the flexibility at his job.

So as you can see I am asking A LOT from my DH to make this move with me. He would have to find a new job, and move far away from his family. I don't like living far from either of our families, but when it comes to opportunities here it is scarce for me specifically...and then for him he is an engineer so he has a huge pool of jobs to look into in reality.

We have been discussing the idea of moving for quite some time now and he seemed to be ok with the 'idea'. We've dreamt getting an acreage with big trees and having lakes close by to fish. He's talked about a career change or job change too. He said he's ok with moving away from his family (mom and dad), but then he says he's not 100% feeling ok with that either. We really don't have any friends our age here without kids to hang out with so we are not going to leave any BFFs. But he is most worried that he won't find a job that he likes with the same or better pay with the same or better hours. I highly doubt that being it's a metro area, but at the same time I cannot guarantee he'll find a job he'll like better either.

We can afford to live on one salary, but neither of us are wanting to not work since we don't have kids to take care of yet. The most likely scenario of me taking this job would include taking our camper out to start the new job and living in there until he can find a job in the new location. From there, house hunting. That could be weeks or months apart which SUCKS as we have never been apart for more than a couple days. The only good part of living solo for a bit is I can control my diet even more and I will have oodles of time to workout, in theory LOL. But I still hate the idea of being apart more than anything.

So, options.....stay with my job which I am seriously sick of...especially due to crappy hours and days off. Or take the job, and see what happens. The second option is by far the scariest, riskiest, and harder option. I feel this would be good for us, especially before having kids so this is the TIME to do this (I'm 32!). I feel if we don't do this now that it will never happen, or at least it would be much more complicated. I know I want this job, but it all is riding on my DH and he knows that too. He jokes that he'll miss me when I leave acting like he's not going to come...but gah! I can't not be with him either. So maybe some of you can relate, but I have till Monday to accept the offer. I know he's still processing it as it's literally a huge life changing decision for the both of us...and on short notice (I found out Thursday). I wish he would talk more about it with me but he kinda jokes it off subject I've noticed.

Ironically on Wednesday we had a realtor come by and look at our house (in anticipation of future selling). We didn't want to be "caught with our pants down" if I got an offer so we wanted to know if and what needed to be squared away before listing, well luckily they didn't have any gripes other than some painting/staining and grouting which we were going to do anyways...So yeah irony....and we decided to paint the whole house today.....and that I count as exercise! Lots more projects to go too.

I am in limbo here going stir crazy and I can't sleep...which is probably due to working midnight shift.....alas so much is riding on this decision. I really hope he says yes to this new adventure even though it's full of uncertainties.

That's a very difficult dilemma, and really, you both have to be on board with it 100% for it to work. Asking your spouse to leave his job AND family is big. It sounds like he's saying OK, sort of, to please you, but is hesitant.

One other thing for you to consider. You're going into a new job with a new employer. You say that it is a perfect opportunity for you, but sometimes what seems perfect going in turns out to be not so. Maybe the position is perfect, but maybe not the employer or other employees. There are a lot of things that can make a job terrible besides what work you are doing. Also, they might find that you are not a good fit for them.

The only way I see this working is if 1) DH is really agreeable to it and 2) if you go there alone and work at the job for a while before DH quits his job and puts the house up for sale. That way, if the job doesn't work out, only you are out of a job and you haven't made a permanent move for both of you.

I'm curious to see what some others think.

What did you mean when you said your job had "the potential for dangerous situations"? Is that true of the new job also?

It's too bad you don't have more time to give them an answer. What if you chose the option where you take the job and test the waters? If you fall in love with the job will he still resist moving? Or do you think that will help get him out there? Also, is there a chance that a job will come up in your area?

Thanks for your feedback everybody. We came to a decision today. He still is not thrilled about it but we're going to go ahead and try it out. We figure we can always move back. The job may come back up here at home or closer to home at some point in time, but if I get my foot in the door it'll be a lot easier to get in there if need be. I feel super guilty about almost strong-arming him with this because of my own compulsion to try this or else I'll regret it. And that's why he's going along with it too is he knows that if I don't try it I'll regret it and he doesn't want to stop me from pursuing something better, but he is sure making a huge sacrifice on my behalf. And the worst part I think at this point for me is having to live apart for a while and not knowing how long it's going to be. It seems like there's so many crazy variables right now and I'm just going out on a limb when everything here is stable and fine I'm just screwing it up. I really want to be happy in my personal life and career life, can I really have both? I'm really scared and a little excited but mostly afraid of the unknown. It was one thing to make a huge move like this when I was single but now my decisions impacting the person that means the most in the world to me and I can't help but feel really guilty. But for now the game plan is for me to go try it out I'll live in the trailer until he can get a job over there. Once he gets an offer and accepts it then we'll sell the house. It feels really mind-blowing just thinking about all the changes and I really hope they're all positive, but who knows at this point. I really have an amazing husband and I hope that this doesn't make him resentful towards me in any way down the road.

Dangerous situations refers to my career currently...which is law enforcement. The position I'll be taking is non law enforcement. The money will be the same if not more soon and of course the hours and days off are the biggest incentive. If the position comes up back here at home and my husband can't stand living in the new location I'd put in for it even though I hate the city down here where we currently are if there's openings. One thing I know is I really don't want to do shift work again. The agency I work for I've been here 8 years and I still have days off in the middle of the week because of seniority. A lot of my co-workers have already jumped ship into different careers mostly because of the days off and the schedule. As a matter of fact one of my former co-workers from this agency is actually working at the office I am going to be starting at. So at least I know somebody over there and from what he's told me the quality of life and the work is a lot better.
So yeah I've just turned my life upside down and turned my husband's life upside down for this huge change based on a chance. I'm just so tore up between everything like feeling bad about him not being enthusiastic about it and on the other hand me wanting a chance at a better career. This whole thing will be super hard especially to start. I just hope that it will prove to be a good thing rather than a waste of time and put unnecessary strain on our marriage. I've only told a couple people about this and my family doesn't even know yet, nor his... I imagine his mom and dad and his brother aren't going to like it. My family will be in indifferent because I'm not moving really any closer to them either.

I just hope I'm doing the right thing and that either way it goes it'll work out okay. I guess my biggest fear is more about having marital problems due to this than anything. Right now he's not angry or hostile about it and that's great he's being super supportive by going along with this but who knows down road. All I know is that I want to be with him and I want him to be happy too.


Needless to say this is the most stressed out I've been in my life!!!!!!

Wow, big changes! I am glad your husband is willing to do this for you and I hope it all works out!

Good for you!! You sound excited. You need to take chances in life. I've tended to play it safe and I do wish I took a risk once in a while. As far as your husband finding a job, he will be fine. Anyone that I have known that was an engineer (any kind of engineer) always had job opportunities. The hardest part will be breaking the news to his family. And like you said, you can always move back if you don't like it or it doesn't work out. Congratulations!

Thanks guys I needed to hear that! I am waiting for a start date now before I spill the news to everybody...It's definitely a huge risk, but luckily we're pretty bold. (or crazy!) There's so much to do and I have a trip back home coming up at the end of this month. It is going to be chaos!

Congrats! You're doing fine!

Sorry Guys I have been on a long hiatus! Needless to say things have been crazy since I got the news. We went home to MN for a week and a half the beginning of September where I received my official start date. So upon returning back from vacation I had been spending most of my time researching for places to stay. Finally I found one RV park that had ONE spot left...apparently these places are in high demand. Most have waiting lists of 50-100 people!

So now I am leaving this week Thursday to drive out...we will look at a few houses this week and then DH flies back on Sunday :(:( It will suck a lot being apart from DH...and we can only hope it won't be too long.

But on the other side of things I think I gained even more weight. I am afraid to step on the scale, again! With all the chaos, parties, and vacation I really don't want to know! But I will have a ton of spare time on my hands as soon as I move so no excuses! I will probably go nuts if I spend too much time in my camper anyways lol. So yeah, I will be on here quite a bit more starting next week I'm sure!

I hope your move goes well. And yeah, when you get there you'll probably have a ton of free time. You could get lots of walking in, join a gym, whatever. :)

Moving house is not easy. Great that you decided to take the plunge into the new world. I wish you succeed at the new job and with your husband.

Hey there! Wishing you a fantastic start at this new gig! How's it going so far?!?!

Hello Hello, Back from a long absence!

So yeah the weight loss thing has been more light a weight gain! Unfortunately....... However, the job is going very well! I enjoy the flexibility and I have some pretty cool coworkers! My husband got a job and started it in the beginning of December. So far he's liking it, although he doesn't have a lot of coworkers and most of them are old crotchety dudes haha.

We are still living in our travel trailer! The house hunt has been brutal to say the least, we are optimistic that some new GOOD homes will pop up soon since the holidays are over. We are managing well, but it's still like living in limbo. Exercise for me has stopped since before Thanksgiving. My grandmother passed away the week before, so we had an emergency trip to Minnesota. Then drove home to NM for Thanksgiving. The following week we decided to do a last minute trip to Mexico to blow off steam...and to take advantage of my husband not having to blow any vacation. So that wasn't healthy! haha December has been busy as well with the holidays, and of course the house hunt. I am glad the holidays are over, honestly!

It's time to get exercise back into the picture and start calorie counting again. It's such a pain in the ***, though....but really the best way to keep myself accountable. I now have more weight to lose than before, and I don't even want know what the scale says.......I'm sure many of you all are in the same boat, or can relate. Life has a way of getting crazy, and changes make routine harder than ever. I just hope we can stay focused even though we are still in the camper. We still have house hunting and a move to do, so there is bound to be interruptions. But, my work pants are protesting, and for sweet release I have to unbutton them hehe.

I've worn pencil skirts more on warmer days (down to my knees) and God forbid some clowns feel the need to complain about my clothes, saying that I look like I'm going to the club! Sorry, SIDE rant, but it is really frustrating when you can't fit into your clothes anymore, and you wear work appropriate clothing, yet still get people talking trash behind you. Seriously! There's always someone who can't mind their own damn business.

Anyways I hope you all had a great holiday season, and a happy new year! Hears to getting healthy, again!

I'm happy to hear the job is going well! Condolences on the loss of your grandma. I know exactly how life events can derail our exercise and diet programs. But you're back on it now, so good luck! And yes, some people need to learn to mind their own business, especially when they have nothing positive to say.

Thanks Dee! Good to see you again. Tonight we are forced to go to the gym since our camper's shower faucet went and crapped out on us! May as well workout then shower haha!