Watching someone fail their fitness goals
 

Have any of you ever had to watch someone fail their fitness goals? How do you help?

Both my mother and sister in law express their desire to lose weight, telling me what their goals are and their plans. And I think that's fantastic! I'm so happy for them and be encouraging as possible.I'm obviously doing the same thing now and have been for the past few years right along with them!

With the years though, I'm the only one who has made any progress. And it's heart breaking for me to watch loved ones go through the same cycle of failure when it means SO much to them! It's not a beauty thing (both of them are more fashionable then me times ten), they are seeking health. It's difficult for me to be successful and watching them fall into traps that could be avoided.


There's nothing I hate more then the food and exercise police. I hate hearing it, I refuse to be that person. Everybody is so different too, I'm not even confident I could identify and help someone else figure out their triggers and metabolism. But, is there a line to that? I may not know what works perfectly for them, but there are some more obvious dieting pitfalls that they go through that I know aren't helping (such as not changing their eating habits at all, or for the other it's extreme fasting, etc.) Is it more supportive to avoid being the dreaded food police, or is it more supportive to give polite suggestions when they aren't done to chastise? Can you give advice support in a non-jerk way? I'm not talking about telling them not to eat something or how to exercise. But when one of them limits their calories to under 800 a day, or the other one is frustrated exercising more but not seeing results because they haven't changed their food intake at all, what do you do? When we talk about it, I'm always careful to be individual and don't make wild claims about general health. Things like "I can't speak for everyone body type, but this works for me personally" or "I couldn't eat that little, it didn't help me lose weight at all".

Hi,

it is frustrating for sure but *I* personally would not say ANYTHING at all unless they directly ask you and you can say "this is what works for me" or "this is what i've learned about lasting health and weight loss".

I would only offer advice if I was asked for it. And would carefully watch the person for signs that they're still interested once I start talking. Sometimes people are looking for a magic bullet. Once you start telling them about your careful diet and exercise program, they're done with listening.

I agree, not unless you're asked. I remember my well-meaning family with all their suggestions and comments. It was not helpful to me. When I got to the point that I really and truly was willing to do anything it took to change then I was able to find my answers.

The other side of the coin. I am the one who is struggling and not making any progress. I am perfectly aware of what I am doing wrong. I watch others succeed and think "Poor me!" but in my heart I know I am not doing what I know needs to be done. I don't want to hear from someone else. The best thing you can do is lead by example. If they ask what you do, tell them. Don't tell them what they are doing wrong. They will either make up their own minds to change their bad habits, or they will continue on as they have.

My best friend has been on a diet since the day I met her 10 years ago. I'm not 100% sure what her deal is but I think she is a binge eater. Dieting is pretty much a taboo topic between us because she is incredibly sensitive about it. She's been seeing a therapist, personal trainer, and nutritionist for about 3-4 years now, her family is very well off and cares about her health. Unfortunately though she's just about the same size but at least she works out now.

She is constantly trying new silly ideas her trainers/nutritionist presents. They are always extreme and she can't stick to them. I know I shouldn't blame the trainers/nutritionists, but I feel like they don't understand her. She needs a life style change that makes her feel good and not guilty that she can stick to. It's frustrating but after 10 years I just deal and let her live her life.

Through the years, I have learned to keep my mouth shut. I've opened it before to offer well-meaning advice, and got nothing but grief for it.

Fitness is a personal thing.

I concentrate on MY fitness, and let others do the same.

I feel like this relates a lot to life itself. It's rough to see people struggle, but it's more important to understand why and how you can help. Refocuse, motivate, offer personal experience, or find people who might relate more to their needs. :)

I say refocus them because if we can see the barriers we might find a new way around. Diets. I know for me I was a crazy snacker. I would snack on grapes, cookies, or even just pepperoni slices and crackers. I found a weight/height calorie and try to go from eating when ever to planned meals. Then slowly cutting the meals down to fit the average calorie count for me.

Motivation. My exercise is my main focus as I started a baby steps to 5k three weeks ago. I keep reminding myself I am human I have off days but it's not a reason to give up if I mess up a little. Also knowing some exercises I have never done before and learning how to modify them to fit me.

The biggest advice I can offer is just talk to them and choose your words carefully. Are they the kind of person who likes the sugar coating two compliments and then the tough part. Or do they just like people to be straightforward tough love kind of way.

Unfortunately , it must come from within yourself
 

Unfortunately , it must come from within yourself , they have to wake up to the fact that changing your body takes time , it's more a lifestyle than just a "diet change".

It really took me a long time to wake up to that fact.

and this

"Through the years, I have learned to keep my mouth shut. I've opened it before to offer well-meaning advice, and got nothing but grief for it.

Fitness is a personal thing.

I concentrate on MY fitness, and let others do the same."