That was me until my 40's. It's only been in my 40's that my preference in friends has become women and also that women seem to want to be friends with me. It's so new, in fact, that when they reach out to me I'm still initially baffled because women never wanted to be my friends before.
Often when someone is quite beautiful, other women don't want them too close in their lives as they're afraid their husbands/boyfriends might become attracted to them.
Well I am wanting to put my two cents here. I understand your problem, and agree with Palestrina's take on it. You also seem really quality in character. I don't have your issue, in the sense that I get along with men and women. But I have a different personality than you. I'm sure I would like you in person. You just need a few good women. I will be praying you find them.
Honestly I feel like I've had issues with other women my whole life and it's never been a problem until I got into a serious relationship. The only women I get along with are other women who have mostly male friends. I've always just found men easier to talk to, and honestly, less drama with less of the psycho bull that comes with some female friendships. The few female friendships that I've had with women who have all female friends haven't lasted more than six months.
My advice? Don't think that there's anything wrong with you. There isn't. You honestly aren't missing out on much. You're probably feeling left out, if anything. If you're missing female companionship you'll find it much easier to talk to other women who have mostly male friends. You said you find it easier to talk to men right? Maybe you're just nervous around women because you find them more judgemental? I think someone mentioned that as well.
If anything, you might be stand-offish and not even know it. Myself, I know I'm standoffish and it takes me a little bit to open up to people. I know for a fact I come of as frigid at first because that's my personality (online is a bit different maybe). Maybe try inviting them out for a night out and see what happens?
This! Before I was married, I just continued to keep male friends, problem solved. I've asked people, and the most helpful feedback I've gotten (very recently actually) is that I'm too aggressive and need to be a little more passive aggressive bc women deal better with that. This was coming from a women! I had a recent disagreement with a women and approached her about it to talk. She was being very passive aggressive and I was told that I should be more like that because its not as intimidating...oh my...I don't think that'll ever be me. I find men appreciate that and women hate it.
I still do ok in a one to one with some women and I have noticed the ones I tend to befriend also have more make friends (or did before they got married).
Often when someone is quite beautiful, other women don't want them too close in their lives as they're afraid their husbands/boyfriends might become attracted to them.
omg thank you!! But trust me, I'm not an attractive woman. I was always the friend, never the girlfriend. I am married and I think my hubby is nuts to find me attractive, but by general standards, no. I do think its more related to my personality.
Well I am wanting to put my two cents here. I understand your problem, and agree with Palestrina's take on it. You also seem really quality in character. I don't have your issue, in the sense that I get along with men and women. But I have a different personality than you. I'm sure I would like you in person. You just need a few good women. I will be praying you find them.
Thank you. Me too...I need some mom friends with honest personalities!! lol I'm actually a very sensitive person. And I'm very honest person. Not rude honest. But in my OP, what happened with that mom. I'm not the kind of person that would have held that experience in, and then bad mouthed her or been passive aggressive to her...what good does that do? I feel like addressing it meant it done and over with and now if any friendship were to come, it would be honest and genuine. I have had people in my life (like coworkers and a few friends from my younger years) that in our initial meetings they had been not so nice and when I made it open for discussion, I found out that they were having a bad day or whatever and friendships came out of it. Rather than a bunch of anger and animosity which is what would have happen had I just been passive aggressive about it.
Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 02-01-2016 at 08:25 AM.
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I have been stabbed in the back a few times by women who I thought were my friends, so I am hesitant to get too close. I mostly have acquaintences rather than true friends. There's never been anyone I trust enough to tell my darkest secrets. I worked in a field that was predominently men, and most were married so I never got really close with any of them because I would never want to give their wives reason to resent me. Over the years, I have occasionally felt a pang of jealousy when I see a group of women out, laughing, having a good time, like they were best of friends. But I never did that myself.
I'm 23 and am still feeling this pain. So much. So very real. You think it'd be so much easier at this age. Nope.
I think I'm funny.. and a hoot. lol, but honestly my other girlfriends make new friends daily and I am the only one who just doesn't.. they're my only friends (and high school friends). And its sad ! I wish I could make more.. its something I actually think about constantly! I try and find new ways to make more friends but everytime I meet new people I just dont click with them I guess because it never extends beyond just polite chatter. I think it is a wake up call for me. I do have some negative qualities that my others friends dont, I mean they do listen a lot more and are generally less vulgar in their humour (oops) So Im working on those things lol. I still do believe women who are blunt and tell it is like it is, or are just confident in things get misread as stuck up and egotistical, which totally isn't the case. I can't even begin to tell you how much other peoples worries and stuff are constantly on my mind!
I have been stabbed in the back a few times by women who I thought were my friends, so I am hesitant to get too close. I mostly have acquaintences rather than true friends. There's never been anyone I trust enough to tell my darkest secrets. I worked in a field that was predominently men, and most were married so I never got really close with any of them because I would never want to give their wives reason to resent me. Over the years, I have occasionally felt a pang of jealousy when I see a group of women out, laughing, having a good time, like they were best of friends. But I never did that myself.
Here is why I think many women don't think the same way I do. When i meet someone I like, I just wanna be bffl asap lol. I think women are so much slower with me to get close and it just kind of bugs me! I know why, and I completely get your rationale, so it does make sense but I wish I could just say " I won't hurt you, can we hang out?" hahah
I don't think there's anything wrong with you. But there's also nothing wrong with all of these women that won't befriend you. Some people just don't "gel". Since this is a common experience for you, there are most likely signals that you are subconsciously sending to keep women at bay. I personally am in the same boat. I generally get along with everyone, but I'm not good at developing friendships with males or females. I've been told by people in the past that I come off as "unapproachable". I don't intend to be, but subconsciously I manage to keep people at arm's length.
I'm going to have to agree with one of the previous posters. I think it's a dominant personality.
I am the same way.
Actually, I've learned to cope by sort of falling back in groups.
I quell my own tendencies toward extroversion and I clam up, so to speak. I hold my opinions and only end up making polite small (very tiny) talk.
You re not alone! I have only 3 friends Im very close to! However, they're are not girly women. That is why we get along! When you find someone that have like personality as you, you will have a good friend! When I moved to different state, I find very difficult to get along with because they re very girly women.. I try to get new friendship to new level, but the awkward convention keep coming and it didn't help...Men are much easier..Oh well
I think I may be able to give some perspective from the other side. I am someone who easily makes friends with most women, but tend to shy away from the aggressive and dominant ones. I prefer to keep the harmony in discussions, with an overtone of agreement. Because I am not as aggressive I feel very uncomfortable when someone else is, because they just run me over like a steamroller! I don't judge you if you are like that, in fact I admire you, but we just don't "gel" like joyc21 said. You should not be passive-aggressive like an earlier poster's friends said! While I am not very dominant or aggressive, I do have my self-respect and will distance myself from such toxic people. If you really want to get along better with less dominant women, here are some tips:
When you disagree, be gentle about expressing it and keep in mind their opinion is valuable too. If it is something you only disagree slightly with, let it go, it's not that important.
Communicate in a less direct fashion. Do not be so assertive in stating your opinion, but state it as something to be discussed, something that might be wrong.
Be aware of what your body language is saying about you. Do not cross your arms, or stand in a confrontational fashion.
Honest compliments and a friendly smile go a long way.
That said, in my opinion trying to be someone you are not just to make friends is a terrible idea! The world needs women like you. It is thanks to aggressive women throughout history fighting for our rights that we can vote and get a job. I can't speak for all women, but I know I really appreciate you (from a safe distance).
I do not click well with a lot of women. I do not know why.
At 55 I no longer care.
I do have a small circle of women friends, our common thread is our aging parents, their care, and gardening, and swapping tips to help each other with those things.
I am way more comfortable on the farm or at my day job at the vet, talking with the men. Just is what it is.
But trust me, I'm not an attractive woman. I was always the friend, never the girlfriend. I am married and I think my hubby is nuts to find me attractive, but by general standards, no. I do think its more related to my personality.
Me too...I need some mom friends with honest personalities!! lol 
I'm actually a very sensitive person. And I'm very honest person. Not rude honest. But in my OP, what happened with that mom. I'm not the kind of person that would have held that experience in, and then bad mouthed her or been passive aggressive to her...what good does that do? I feel like addressing it meant it done and over with and now if any friendship were to come, it would be honest and genuine. I have had people in my life (like coworkers and a few friends from my younger years) that in our initial meetings they had been not so nice and when I made it open for discussion, I found out that they were having a bad day or whatever and friendships came out of it. Rather than a bunch of anger and animosity which is what would have happen had I just been passive aggressive about it.
You should not be passive-aggressive like an earlier poster's friends said! While I am not very dominant or aggressive, I do have my self-respect and will distance myself from such toxic people. If you really want to get along better with less dominant women, here are some tips:
