Like a skinny guy, now self conscious about my weight. Advice?
Honestly, I'm only slightly overweight and have been "okay" (not happy) with my weight lately. However, I've developed a crush on this skinny guy and now I'm suddenly very aware of my size.
I think the fact that he's smaller than me (he's also shorter) didn't matter at first, partly because I haven't been obsessing over my weight, and partly because in my mind I'm a size 8 (lol).
However, let's say things work out with him. How do I overcome feeling self conscious about how we look together? I know we shouldn't care about what people think, but I'm sorry, I do (if we didn't, most of us wouldn't be here trying to lose weight). Any other advice?
Absolutely nothing has changed only in your mind.
He has seen you and gotten to know you in the size you are right now.
It sounds like you are making your size an issue for only yourself, lack of confidence could be the demise so I'd say let it go
I always get really self conscious about how my husband and I look together because I am so so short compared to him! I look like a child compared to him... At least in my head.
One thing that helps me is remembering what I would think if I saw someone else that way... Odds are if you saw a cute couple where one was bigger, taller, shorter, smaller or whatever than the other, would you even care? Even notice? Probably not.
Psssh, come on now, who cares? What if this guy is "the one" and you let something silly like size take that away from you? Next to my husband I look like an Amazonian warrior. I'm quite a bit taller and by virtue, I weigh more. (Maybe not now, he's gained some) No one cares, and we're happy together. Don't let things that don't matter get in the way of potential happiness!
I weigh 30lbs more than my husband and he's only a couple of inches taller than me so not much and if I'm wearing heels we're the same height. It's never bothered me or him, or anyone else I know.
I'm also one who is taller and much heavier (50 lbs) than my hubby. Even though I packed on weight only with my pregnancies, even at the outset, when I met my husband first 20 yrs ago, I was still taller than him. This fact never bothered me, I just would not wear high heels when I was with him. And hardly anyone paid attention to our height difference and so I never felt self-conscious (that is before I gained all that weight in addition). I would say that you too would not feel the difference once you know the person well and you like him.
I'm not taller than my fiance, but I do weigh a good deal more than him. He's about 6'1" and I'm 5'4" so his 145lbs is also a lot slimmer than I will be at 145lbs. I'm currently sitting around 219. When I first started (back before I even joined this forum) I was around 260. Initially I was very self conscious when we'd go out to eat. I'd worry people would think I was eating all his food and giving him nothing. I'd make him get the door if we ordered food cause I would rather the delivery guy see the skinny man answering the door than the fat girl.
Really though, that was all in my head, and it's likely in yours too. No one has ever made a comment, and no one has given us strange looks. Not even strangers, and I use to be hyper vigilant of people giving me so much as a glance. As time passed and I got more comfortable around him, and worked on my own confidence, those feelings went away. I'm likely always going to be bigger than him, even when I get down to goal weight, but that doesn't really bug me anymore.
It's perfectly okay for you to be concerned about that. However, my opinion is that you should process it and move on from it if you like this guy. If you can't move past it, I would let him go. It's not fair to him.
I had a friend who's a skinny guy, and this girl who was much bigger than him broke his heart because she couldn't deal with how they looked together. He said he just liked her and didn't understand why she was so upset by the rest of it. It was very sad.
Don't let made-up social ideals about who should be taller stop you from liking this guy. It's not worth it. I'm not trying to minimize the impact social ideals have on people, I'm just saying some of them are absolutely worth ignoring, especially for a great person.
I can understand being worried. I've wondered what people thought seeing me with my husband. He isn't particularly tall, but quite a few inches taller my 5'2", so we don't have that aspect, but he's a really thin-built person, and at my heaviest, I outweighed him by 50+ pounds. Sometimes I'd get self-conscious just being out and about with him, and even more when I'd meet coworkers and friends of his who'd never seen me before. I'd imagine them thinking, "This is your wife? Figured she'd be thinner."
Who knows if they thought anything like that, or whatever random people out and about ever thought anything of it at all, but it still bothered me.
You just have to remind yourself that even if people do think the things you worry they do, that doesn't make your relationship any of their business, the same way it's none of anyone's business if a couple has a substantial height difference, age difference, if one of them comes from a rich background and the other from a poor background, whatever.
If we let "society" dictate who we should be with, a heck of a lot of perfectly happy couples would have to break up. My husband's ten years older than me. Some people say that's too much of a difference. We'll be celebrating our twenty year anniversary this year, so obviously it hasn't been enough of a difference to be a problem for us.
There's far more than enough unhappiness and dysfunction in this world as it is. If you and this guy could have a functional relationship and be happy, the **** with what people think. That doesn't mean you won't ever worry, but when the worries pop up, remind yourself it's none of their business, and really, shouldn't they have better things to do than question why you'd be together?
At the best, my husband and I have the same ideal weights and my husband is 6 inches taller than me! He just has a smaller frame. I've out weighed him all except for 2 months of our 21 year marriage and he totally doesn't care that I weigh the same or more than him. He just doesn't want me to be obese because he worries for my health.
My partner is a lot taller than me and weighs 64kg. I can't WAIT until I weigh similar. I've just grown up with the thought instilled into me that women should weigh less than their partners.
Mine is slightly taller than me (he's small and I'm very small), but he's a thinner guy who has the goal to gain, while I have the goal to lose. Surprisingly over the past few months I've lost while he's gained - win-win. Now he says he's fat.
If you look around, there are a LOT of couples where the guy is skinny and the woman is overweight. Not that you should judge a potential relationship based on what's normal, but still, something tells me you need someone to tell you its normal! And nothing to worry about! Trust me. Been there, done that.
However, something else also tells me you're young, and its likely this guy will eventually gain some weight when he can no longer eat like a teenager
My husband of 16+ years of marriage is much younger than me (I'm age 50), way taller than me and weighs 100 pounds less than me. He loves me unconditionally for who I am. I may have felt alittle nervous in the beginning of our relationship but those doubts deminished with the love that grew between us.
My advice to you is do not let those seeds of doubt grow.
Let's hope you find some happiness for yourself.
Last edited by blue_meets_green; 06-04-2015 at 04:10 AM.
Like a skinny guy, now self conscious about my weight. Advice?
