Wrong vs. Right motivations
 

We all have different motivations for losing weight. I lost 70 lbs. with the motivation that I would prove myself to my ex, not to get him back, but to show him and myself just what I could be. Sort of like a "I'll show you" type of scenario. I hear a lot of people saying that kind of thinking isn't right when you're going about losing weight. I mean it made me lose 70 lbs, and sure I can admit that I gained it back but I've shown myself I have the capabilities to do so but I just have to have that in-your-face-I'll-show-you kind of attitude. The reason I gained it back was I was afraid to see what was on the other side of the fence so to speak, afraid of how things would change, I never thought of how to prepare for that mindset in my journey, but I can't attribute my gains to my ex. I was afraid of new situations I'd be in no matter how good. I still have the tools to lose what I want and Im going on my journey #2 and i learned not to be afraid. what are the right and wrong motivations to you and what fuels your fire?

This is similar to another thread a few threads down, asking what your motivation is.

Its one thing to say what doesn't work for me, but I think its a little unfair to say that certain motivations are wrong for someone else.

I can say that I don't believe doing anything in your life, be it weight loss, getting a degree, landing a certain job etc for the purpose of being able to throw it in someone else's face is particularly healthy. I think it speaks of deeper issues, if that is your strongest and/or only motivation. I'm sure plenty of people have had that moment of guilty pleasure and enjoyed it, but if that's your only driving force, you may want to find out why you are so motivated by seeking a type of revenge on others.

Also, it may not be enough motivation to keep the weight off as you see. In my experience, anything that comes from the outside fizzles out. The motivation that comes from within seems to last a life time. At least that's what I've seen.

To me, the only wrong motivation is one that encourages you to lose the weight in an unhealthy manner. Other than that, if it helps, then by all means use it. The best motivations being those that allow you to not just lose, but also maintain. Everyone is motivated differently.. so as long as it's healthy motivation, it's all good :)

As an example, I've mentioned in other threads that for myself, vanity was a motivator in the past that made me want to lose as quickly as possible. I'd starve myself, binge/purge, or go on really unhealthy diets like the HCG diet. Then I'd gain all the weight back when those things eventually failed. For me, vanity was an unhealthy motivator, and therefore a bad motivator.. but for others vanity is perfectly fine, they don't binge, or super restrict or whatever.. vanity works for them. So it's a good thing.

My reason to lose weight is 'Vanity'. Way back (sometime last year), I made a post here in 3FC about how my close friend insulted me calling me 'fat' several times on several occassions! I have since then lost 35 lbs (then regained some recently) but I want to show her that I can also reduce and that losing weight is doable!

Personally I can't see something that is motivating as being a wrong motivation, as it is simply the act or an instance of motivating, or providing with a reason to act in a certain way. Whether your motivation for losing weight is to be healthy or to prove to someone (and would I be wrong to assume also to prove to yourself?) that you can do it, it is simply the inspiration and motive driving your cause.

My motivation to lose weight is vanity (and geeky vanity at that). I used to be an avid cosplayer(crossplayer to be specific) in my younger days- I love to create and sew costumes- and my current fandom and eventual cosplays are of thinner characters (Riddler and Scarecrow from the Batman: Arkham series). I want to cosplay them at a convention but I hate the thought of being the stereotypical chubby girl.

Oh, and if I were thinner it would also help my distance running. Less baggage to carry would make running those long 13 mile runs a little easier.

I can't speak for others but the question was "what is right or wrong motivation to you."

For me, personally, I know that vanity is a wrong motivation. Its a big one for me, it helps me stay true, but I keep envisioning a body for myself that may not be reality. I honestly don't know what I'll look like at 135 pounds or less... And getting to that weight won't solve my problems as far as vanity is concerned. I think health as a motivation is good for me because I WILL be healthier at a healthy weight... Doesn't mean I'll be perfectly healthy and I don't have other things to do, but there is less assumptions tied in for me.

Then there is the other extreme... What if I suddenly DO become this mega Photoshop babe by random magic... Then what? Will I have learned how to love myself or just my looks? Will I become slave to looking a certain way, how will it change me/control me?

To me, motivation is like a seed. It isn't bad inherently, but depending what you nurture it with determine how it grows. So vanity as a motivation for me is fine now... But what will that grow into for me, when I no longer need motivation? What's left?

Again, this is all personal. I don't think everyone with vanity as a motivation is in the wrong... I just know I have a lot of self-hate for my body I got to work on.

In this case, I think there's a very thin line between wanting to be the person they didn't think you could be and depending on their reaction to be happy with your progress. I've had friends who have been both - friends who have wanted to prove someone wrong because they've been underestimated, but once they broke out of whatever it was people expected them to be, they were happy to see themselves go through that change, and didn't even need to show it to the person who underestimated them. I've also had friends who did it specifically to get a reaction from someone, and when their reaction wasn't as big as they imagined, they felt like their work had gone to waste. It's a bit hard to distinguish the two cases sometimes (I speak for myself here), but it's good to try and make sure you're always keeping a mentality that isn't going to be toxic to you in any way.

LittleMissWarhead, I can see why people would tell you that is not the right motivation, after all even if you get to the goal, then you might not have a real reason to stay on that weight, or the mindset as the goal was short term. After all if you want to keep the weight down then you need to change your lifestyle to one that will help you get and keep the weight you want.

First off, I have enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts.

Motivation is fluid. It can start strong and solid, it can melt and seem to ebb and flow, and it can evaporate.........

I have had many motivations for losing weight in my lifetime.

I wanted "to show" people- the best revenge is doing well- as the saying goes.

I have had the stress and pressure to meet weight standards for the military after having babies.

I have had the vanity of an event-gotta fit in that dress- or don't want to be the fattest one there.

And now in my 50s I have what one would think the most serious of motivators- I don't want to die just yet from a heart attack or stroke or whatever.

Oddly, this last motivation is THE HARDEST by far to maintain. It ebbs and it evaporates.

I think the key is to keep being open to new sources of motivation that may help bolster your endurance. A new outfit, an approaching season, an upcoming social event or birthday goal, a friend's wedding, a challenge on 3FC, a bet/competition at work, lower cholesterol before next doctor's appointment, etc etc

Because truly we all need solid motivation for the long journey of loss and then maintenance.

I wish you all well.
Thank you,
~Molly

I don't have external motivations anymore. Regardless of my weight I'm pretty happy with how I look now that I've outgrown the need to lose weight for someone else's sake. Funnily, accepting myself as I am now has been a huge leg up on losing weight. It turns out you can accomplish much more if you like yourself as you are :)

LittleMissWarhead,

Congrats on your success! You should be proud of yourself. I believe there is no right or wrong motivation. Whatever ignites you to pursue your dream and be productive in life. As long as you don't have evil intentions or you're doing anything harmful/illegal.

If it works, continue doing it. :)

-Daniela

My primary enabler was getting my basic hygiene and mobility back. Not being able to wipe myself in the bathroom and constant lower back pain after only a few steps of walking i think is right motivation.

Ultimately there really isn't a right or wrong reason to do what is right by your body, meaning getting healthy. Now the thing is, sometimes when we go out to "prove" something to another person we will either lose steam or attempt unhealthy means when the goal is all about being skinny by any means necessary, however this can be true of any reasoning. For me, I've been obese for most of my life, approximately 13 1/2 months ago I was at a weight low for me of 301.6 (my norm was 305 and up) and having a conversation with a friend who had type 2 diabetes. I was starting to have some weird symptoms (numbness & tingling in my feet, dizziness) and while to this day I have yet to be checked out (insane I know) I can say I resolved to change that day on the phone with my friend. I was hoping to prevent diabetes, or if I had it, to possibly reverse it, not sure on the status but I am sure I am probably healthier than I was back then which was my goal.

When I was younger (22 to be exact) I lost about 60 lbs. very unhealthily over a guy, and my perception that my life would be so much better if I wasn't obese, I don't think I was wrong about the latter but it wasn't enough to sustain me when I began at over 300 lbs. . Ultimately it is about what drives you, if being treated better is enough of a motivation to help you lose XX lbs. great, that is what really matters.

True confession - Even though I AM losing the weight to be healthier and not so much to be hot (since I have no idea how much excess skin and such I have to look forward to at the end of my journey, it won't deter me regardless) I am still obsessed with reading people's before & after experiences with other people as far as flirtations, jealousy, positive reactions, negative reactions, etc. that a lot of people who have lost weight encounter. I also LOVE seeing before and after pictures of people who have lost 100 lbs. or more, it is super motivational.

What ever motivates you, life on the "other" side, well, it's still life.

You still have to do laundry, take out the garbage, go to work, deal with family, co-workers, vacuum and on and on and so forth and yada, yada.

Do it for yourself, because, you are worth it!:carrot::hug:

My Dh is my biggest cheerleader, and my biggest whiner! But, this is not about him, it's about me. And when he whines! NOT going there dude!

Thing is, he loves the strong me!:D

My ongoing motivations for so many years is physical pain. Through the years dealing with ankle pain, and now very bad sciatica pain..Not fun at all and always a reminder to never give up...other wise, I would be bedridden.