I don't usually mention my husband not being attracted to my overweight body because I'm afraid of getting comments back like:
"You should be losing weight for yourself, not for anyone else."
"Your husband should love you no matter what!"
"What a jerk!"
My husband is my favourite person in the world, and he would go to great lengths to avoid hurting me in any way. We have a great relationship, and we communicate very well. We have talked openly about our weights in the past. He simply was not willing to tell me he didn't want to have sex with my fat body because he's not a jerk.
I don't think we can really pick who we lust after. I mean, my taste in men tends to follow what my husband looks like (even as he gained weight), but I don't think that's true for everyone. And if I was his taste in women when I weighed 180, it's not his fault that I'm not his taste in women anymore. He likes sturdy girls, but I'm a good deal past that point now!
Sorry for the prematurely defensive post.
I just haven't shared that before and I'm worried about the response. >.<
Don't be scared about the response. There's no reason to be defensive because this matter is between you and your husband and none of our business. Marriage has many challenges and sex can pose challenges over time. I think if my husband gained a lot of weight it would affect my attraction to him even though it wouldn't affect my love for him.
Willpower is totally bogus. It's the single most unreliable source of energy we have. It comes and goes at will, and especially when one is having a tough day. Willpower is undependable and if your husband thinks that's all it takes then let him prove it lol.
i didn't have a defining moment, either but do remember not fitting into amusement rides--wow how embarrassing!
on the topic of sex...
my libido and response has changed A LOT since losing over 100 lbs. Now.. i don't know if it's a combination of losing weight and aging or..it's aging (i'm 52 and have been maintaining for almost 2 yrs) but i have to say near the last 1/3 of losing the weight my libido took a dive and even the O's felt not as good. It's a bit better now but libido is all over the place instead of consistent
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leeh
My 17 year old daughter and I joined a gym a few months ago. I went to the consult knowing that there would be a hard sell involved for a personal trainer. Even though I knew this is part of the presentation, when I had my assessment and they told me I was very unhealthy (209 lbs on 5'2) and it would cost 6K for a year of personal training to get me on track. I sat in the office telling the girl that I knew I was overweight but we'd cancelled our cable to pay for the gym and I don't have 6K lying around to spend on a PT.
She pretty well told me I wouldn't have success without it so I sat there teary eyed and wondered how my motivation to join a gym could result in my feeling so unmotivated.
I haven't been back and that was a few weeks ago.
This amazes me! Apparently they make the most of their money on PT and they were really pushing it! I think at best, the most you would need is a couple sessions to be sure you are doing the exercises correctly to prevent injuries. Otherwise, you should be able to do this on your own. Many time other people in the gym will help you and give you pointers. The idea is to give you encouragement, that exercising is going to help you, not discourage you to the point of you giving up. Go back. Start out slow and gradually build up your endurance. It will take time, but time is still going to pass, even if you're not in the gym. You can do this!
I don't usually mention my husband not being attracted to my overweight body because I'm afraid of getting comments back like:
"You should be losing weight for yourself, not for anyone else."
"Your husband should love you no matter what!"
"What a jerk!"
Loving you for who you are and lusting after you for who you are, are two different things. It's nothing for anyone to be ashamed of.
Sex is a big reason that I am starting back on my journey; I have almost no desire anymore and I feel bad for my husband. Then again, every time I get to a better place with my weight, I get pregnant, so maybe we just need separate beds until I reach my goal.
My big motivator this time happened about 10 days ago. We were on a 15 hour road trip and had stopped off at a play place to let the 2 year old work off some of his energy. He wanted to me go down the tunnel slide with him, so I did. I had to lay down and when I got to the bottom, I tried to sit up and scooch myself out of the slide and nearly smothered myself in my cleavage. Time to lose some weight!
This is my first post ever.. I am brand new to this site.. looking for people who get where I am in life and who understand the struggles I'm going through with being obese..
Let's see.. Wake up call happened over 10 years ago when I woke up in the middle of the night because I'd stopped breathing. Not only that, I could barely breath at all. My lungs did not want to expand and take in air. Scared me to death! Only time in my life I've seriously considered calling an ambulance. Since then I've worked on and off to lose weight but sadly have gained more and more.
Embarrassing moment.. Uh.. I think I've shied away from putting myself into too many situations that would be awkward for myself. I have an irrational fear of flying anymore because I'm so afraid they will ask me to buy an extra seat for myself.
I think my wake-up call was kind of a slow build up. I would take pictures with friends and when I saw them later I would be horrified at how fat I looked. It started to get to where I hated taking pictures because everyone was thin but me.
I also remember a few times when I've gone shopping with my skinnier friends and I browse around the store without picking anything up because the store doesn't have my size and I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends...
I've also had the roller coaster scare...thankfully I was always able to fit but I shouldn't need to have that fear! Another red flag that I had a weight problem.
I'm not losing weight to get rid of health problems, I've always been very healthy, I just want my weight to stop getting in the way of life. There are other more important hings that I should be worrying about like school and my future.
One is photos of me. What I see when I look in the mirror, and what I see in a photo, are two totally different things. for some reason when I look in the mirror I don't think I look that big. Chubby, yes. Obese? No.
But in a photo, I totally look obese. So each time I see a photo of me, I'm like- "Wow, I'm way bigger than I thought" and it's mortifying.
But one of the biggest wake up calls for me was when I changed jobs and my new job didn't offer health insurance so I was getting an individual policy and I got denied by Blue Cross/Blue Shield because my weight exceeded their allowable weight limit. I had to get insurance through a much lesser known company that didn't have anywhere near as good of coverage. I also had to pay extra (by a lot) over what a person of normal weight would have paid. But I thank God for that, because that was the wakeup call I needed that FINALLY made me decide to change. I guess it had to hit me in the pocketbook before I really had the motivation I needed...which is kind of sad because you'd have thought the ramifications to my health would matter to me but I guess I was just in denial about that. But when I had to spend an extra $100 a month for my insurance, it made me decide to change.
Pictures of myself from my friends' wedding. I looked like such a heifer.
And... I squatted down in the boss' office and split the outside on a double seam in the crotch of my scrubs. Fortunately not the whole seam! Having to go up a size in scrub pants was a big OHELLNO for me...
Tons of embarassing and humiliating moments in the ~20 years I was overweight and obese. The wake-up call was when a doctor told me my weight was the reason I hadn't been able to conceive. That was incorrect in the end (or while it may have contributed, it wasn't THE problem), but I am tremendously glad to have had a wake-up call that really prompted me to change my life.
I can relate with so many of these posts! I was reading this thread and thinking "Yup, me too!" all the way through!
The roller coaster thing happened to me. I had to get off a ride bc the bar wouldn't go down. This was probably somewhere around my highest weight several years ago (about 285). I understand it's a safety issue, I'd rather not ride than endanger myself or others... But still embarrassing! I went and sat on a bench and cried while the people I was with rode the ride.
Having skinny friends is a tough one. They always loved me of course... But it is tough knowing in the back of your head that everyone considers you the "fat friend". I would make sure to always be on the outside of pictures so I could do some "creative cropping" and remove at least an arm and portion of my side. People only want to see faces anyways, right?!
This is an old thread but I wanted to add mine anyway!
This past summer I went on a trip with family and felt so uncomfortable whenever there was walking involved. Shortly after returning I agreed to go on a bike ride with my dad who is more than twice my age. It was about 7-8 miles but I thought I was going to die; I was drenched in sweat, heart pounding, legs throbbing and quivering. My entire body HURT. My dad? Didn't even break a sweat. I joined the gym that week.
My wake-up call was when I realized that my husband, who I adore, and I hadn't had sex for 6 months. At 30 years old. With no kids or issues that would prevent us from doing so.
The issue wasn't him, it was me. I was always finding ways to avoid it, reasons to deny him when really, I didn't want to take my clothes off, didn't want him to touch me cuz I was so ashamed. I never felt sexy or in to it and never initiated it though I love my husband. I've done serious damage to our relationship and he stopped trying cuz he got tired of being rejected. He never cheated, never asked me to lose weight, but was resentful.
When I realized that the periods of time had stretched so much, that 6 months had gone by I knew I had to do something. There are a million other good reasons for me to lose the weight, but that really did it.
I'm down 37lbs now and feel much better. My husband is very interested too. We are doing much better, getting into the swing of things. I'm buying lots of lingerie, but we are having fun as I get to a healthy weight. Its worth it.
