I know this topic has come up before but want to bring it up again. Might be a long post.

How is everyone dealing with dating/relationships? I was with my ex-boyfriend at my highest and lowest weight. He was always complimentary, even at my highest, and especially as I was losing.

I've recently gone on a few dates and a comment really threw me. We were served dinner rolls and I offered mine to my date. He asked if I was sure I didn't want it...when I said yes, I was sure, he said "what, you don't want to get fat?"

I was thrown and didn't know how to respond for 2 reasons. One because he is usually much more considerate with his words and two, because I'm not used to not being considered "fat." I just pretended to laugh and said no.

Later that night we got to talking and he knows I eat "healthy" from the previous few dates we went on and go to the gym. I got the courage to let him know how much I've lost and he seemed ok with it.

Right now it's a casual dating relationship and we're both seeing others but it's bound to come up in the future.

Weight loss sure is multi-faceted.

This isn't specifically related to dating, but I just wanted to say that I can really relate to how you feel in general. I lost 110 pounds and then moved to another city and changed jobs. Nobody in my workplace had ever seen me fat. To them, I was a thin athletic person who ate super-healthy. I always avoided participating in the office party food fests, I brought my own lunch and it was always something healthy. Everyone knew that I was a runner. The thing is, it was sort of weird for me. I felt like an imposter. Occasionally, I would say sympathetic things to my heavy coworkers-- along the lines of "I know exactly how you feel, I'm just like you..." and I could see that they really didn't believe me. They had never seen me fat and couldn't imagine me 110 lbs fatter. Whereas I felt like a fat person walking around in a thin person's disguise... ( ended up regaining 90 lbs which I'm now in the process of losing, but that's another story...) But it is complicated, because, at least in my case, it was uncomfortable hearing people talk about fat people as if I wasn't one of them.

I think it's good that you are aware of your feelings and that you were able to discuss it with him.

So nice that someone can relate!

I got a new job about 6 months ago and nobody initially knew I had lost any amount of weight. They know I go to the gym everyday and pack healthy lunches but other than that, nothing.

One time a co-worker was making fun of someone who was around my starting weight and I never did get up the nerve to say anything to her. Granted it was my 1st week and I wasn't looking to get fired!

However, it eventually came up and one of my (very heavy) co-workers has recently started asking for advice on losing weight and eating better and I'm excited to help her in any way I can.

Omg yessss. I relate to this entire thread, replies and all. Dating while overweight is like a minefield and frankly I'm not even going to attempt to do so until I'm around 140lbs again. I sincerely admire the women who put themselves out there in the dating game no matter what weight they are. It can be a cruel world, and sadly I'd rather face rejection on the grounds of personality or intellect than my appearance. What a messed up thought. I think the best approach is always to be straightforward on dating sites (though you won't find many fellow truth-tellers in your midst.) Let them know upfront you are in the midst of a lifestyle change. Worst case scenario they lose interest, best case scenario you weed out the douchcanoes.

I also know exactly what you guys mean by feeling like an impostor in an environment where no one has known you as heavy. My weight fluctuates a lot (from 125lbs up to 180lbs and back again REPEATEDLY) and this last year, up until a very difficult breakup in June, I was rather small and found myself suddenly "conventionally hot" whereas before my weight always overshadowed my positive physical features. It was so difficult to get used to catcalls for the first time, honks from passing cars, messages from randos on FB telling me I was beautiful... it honestly made me more uncomfortable than flattered. And then I began work and when my heavier coworkers would commiserate over food or exercise I felt like a real ******* adding in my two cents (though I have sooo much to say on the subject, given soooo much of my life has revolved around it.) Now though I'm back up to a solid 165lbs and feeling very free to ***** about weight loss related things again, haha.

There are so many pros and cons to the weight loss game, obviously the pros outweigh the cons by quite a bit but overall it is such a learning experience and can leave you feeling alien in your own body for quite some time.

I know this topic has come up before but want to bring it up again. Might be a long post.

How is everyone dealing with dating/relationships? I was with my ex-boyfriend at my highest and lowest weight. He was always complimentary, even at my highest, and especially as I was losing.

I've recently gone on a few dates and a comment really threw me. We were served dinner rolls and I offered mine to my date. He asked if I was sure I didn't want it...when I said yes, I was sure, he said "what, you don't want to get fat?"

I was thrown and didn't know how to respond for 2 reasons. One because he is usually much more considerate with his words and two, because I'm not used to not being considered "fat." I just pretended to laugh and said no.

Later that night we got to talking and he knows I eat "healthy" from the previous few dates we went on and go to the gym. I got the courage to let him know how much I've lost and he seemed ok with it.

Right now it's a casual dating relationship and we're both seeing others but it's bound to come up in the future.

Weight loss sure is multi-faceted.

OMG, I am totally having this issue, too. Well, mine is a little different bc I could care less what anyone thinks about how I eat, BUT I am sleeping with someone new for the first time in 25 years and he and I are very open with some super personal stuff and ummm, adventurous together, and yet I haven't told him and feel completely freaked out by the idea of it. It seems like it shouldn't be that big of a deal. But I think I'm scared that he will either say "oh, so that's why your body looks like a train wreck" (he's a nice guy, so of course it wouldn't be quite like that, but I'm scared of finding out what he really thinks) or for some crazy reason he hasn't noticed the train wreck but will see it all differently once I tell.

When I look at myself naked in the mirror, all I can see is droopy skin and empty boobs. But I don't want to point it out bc I'm sure I'm not spot on in my evaluation, but I don't even know whether I'm being generous or overly critical.

eta: I assume that if I were with the *right* guy for a serious partner-like relationship I would feel totally fine talking about it, otherwise he's not the right guy. But I don't even want the right guy right now. I do think it would be a healthy place for me to be, though, where I felt comfortable enough about myself/body to tell anyone.

And btw, huge congrats on not being perceived as fat! I think I had a moment where I had that realization, that I was talking to someone who thought of me as normal-weighted and thought it was pretty cool.

I know this wasn't the intention of this post, but I have to share my first "not fat" moment.

I was hanging out in front of my office building talking to a few guys - all average size. I was holding a bag and for some reason, one of the guys asked what was in the bag and I told him it was a dress. He asked how it would look on him and one of the other guys said something like "yeah - like it would ever fit you!" and it took a few moments, but then I realized they all knew it would be TOO SMALL to fit on him! What a day!

At my highest weight, I barely fit into a men's XL. My shirts were always bigger than my husbands - he wears a large. Now mine are mediums! Craziness

my wife loves me the same as she did when i was 400+lbs. She does miss my extra cushion from my "cheeks" that kept her feet warm in bed.

Im still the same but just a smaller mass.

As hard as it may be, you've accomplished a lot and need to be proud of that....and know that you need to be around those who appreciate what you've done.

Before meeting my partner I was self-conscious about my weight as the last guy I dated said something offensive to me when I told him I was not ready to sleep with him. Needless to say this had to do with how my body looked after having lost 30kg and how I had still the same amount left to lose.

As a result my current partner had to wait extra long before I would even consider "exposing" myself in bed.When I resumed my healthy eating habits once again (a year after we started dating) my partner made it very clear that he loves me the way I am and to his eyes I am perfect. I told him I needed to do it for me and he is supportive 100%.

I think that how we look like does affect us the person primarily but the way others treat us, is not entirely on how we look. If a person is a douche then even if you look like a top model then he is bound to be offensive when things don't go his way.

IdealProteinNewbie I think it's great that you ended up being open with him about your weight loss. I think there's a lot to be learned about you from that conversation, a lot more than just "I used to weigh more."

I think honesty is one of the things that has made weight loss in my currently relationship so much easier. When we met, I had just lost 20 pounds. I didn't tell him that, and then we got into a happy and comfortable relationship...aka we ate lots of food! Two years later, I had gained 40 pounds. So I finally opened up to him that I was ready to lose the weight I had gained during our relationship (and then some), how much I wanted to lose, and why. It really helps to have his support. I only wish I had been more open about it in the beginning, but I was just so focused on romantic dates with yummy food LOL

Wow, we happen to have a ton in common! I too was with my latest ex for a four to five year period of time (on and off), in which he saw me at both my highest and lowest (well, excluding middle school numbers LOL). He was always supportive and telling me that he'd love me no matter my size, so that's probably why the pounds stuck around. When we ended things for certain, probably around late 2009 or early 2010, I was at my highest and totally hated myself and how I looked.

...And that's when I found this place and realized I needed a change.

Now fast forward to 2014 and the current bf. We've been together for about five months and I have maintained myself within the high 140s to low 150s and he states that regardless of size, he'd still think I'm beautiful and love me. However, what was very interesting was that we had a convo about weight just last week! Since we met through a speed dating event (trust me, this was WAYYY out of my comfort zone, but it turns out neither of us expected to come out meeting anyone to begin with), I had asked him, "30 pounds ago, would we have still ended up like this?"

His answer, while it did hurt a little, was quite realistic. He thought about it for a bit then honestly responded that he didn't know, and that was a good question. At first, I was kind of insulted because I was thinking about how shallow that came across. Like seriously, just because I had this extra weight on me, that changes things?! But then I kind of realized, if I don't love myself because of my size (because I didn't at 174), how could I expect anyone else to find me attractive? It just had to sink in that ultimately, I didn't even find myself attractive, so I couldn't expect anyone else to. Plus I mean it was a speed dating event. We had 1 minute to make an impression, and I can't blame anyone for picking numbers based on looks...1 minute isn't long enough to really go beyond the basics!

But now that we're comfortable with each other, he and I shared with each other our weight issues (apparently he has some too), and now we support each other. Er, well we're also each other's competition so.