When big families don't RSVP or wait until the last day...
 

This is kind of a little rant. I'm not a stickler for RSVPs. Like if my son has a party and one kid in the class doesn't RSVP, I don't care. I figure, if you want to go you'll RSVP yes. No reply means "no". And if they RSVP yes at the last minute, they are just one more person, so whatever.

But I find it a little annoying when BIG families don't RSVP, or wait until the last minute. My family is 5, me, DH, and 3 kids. For extended family parties where we are all invited, I make an effort to RSVP as early as I can because I know we are 5 extra people, 3 of which are kids.

We are having a party in 2 weeks for my 1 year old and my dad as the bdays fall around the same time. RSVP is this weekend coming up. Two of my cousins have not said boo about whether they are going. One is a family of 5 and the other 6. That's 7 extra kids between the two of them.

My other cousin, has 7 kids. She RSVPed yes like weeks ago, and today just changed it to no. That's 9 people less than we were planning.

Also, we have made this an optional pool party. And for safety reasons, we rented a lifeguard. But our pool does have a gate with lock. We planned on there being many more kids and felt the lifeguard would be a good idea. But now I'm wondering if it really worth it? As of now, there are 4 kids going, and with that little, we'd just keep the pool locked, and opening it for an adult to go through and relock it behind them. And if the kids want to go in, they can go in with their parents.

Anyway, its just annoying. I GET that the more kids you have the more busy it is. And I get that you have until the RSVP date, but its just annoying because when your RSVP is like 5 or 6 people, its a pretty big deal. As for the few other people that haven't replied, they are just one person or a couple, so its just two adults, not as much of an issue.

Ok rant over. :dizzy:

Honestly, I'd probably call/text/email them. Something short, sweet, and friendly to remind them that I need a headcount for food/drinks/something.

sigh. This is a pet peeve for me too. I can't help find it disrespectful. If someone is making an effort for you, can't you help them out so they can plan?

so i have no suggestions - just, I hear you.

Thank you both, I feel like I'm being a jerk for being annoyed at this. QuietBallerina, I almost did contact them, but I feel like they have until the rsvp date. I somehow feel like it is an unwritten rule that I cannot contact them until then. These two cousins rarely go to anything, but at our last party for my 4 year old (house party) my cousin ask me if she could come the night before after saying no. Now I honestly didn't mind, I really don't. I just ordered some pizza and subs and the kids played outside. It was really no burden.

I think my concern was the lifeguard, who isn't cheap. If there were going to be a lot of kids in the pool, then we'd have a lifeguard. This would allow parents to relax and go in and out of the house, and it would be omeone to watch over the kids.

Also the two cousins that haven't rsvp have older kids, like 7-10 years old, and they can "swim" but I'd feel better with someone watching them. The other 4 kids that are going, are younger, like 3-5 and they wont be in the pool without a parent AND we will just keep the gate locked for safety reasons and can unlock it to let people through.

We canceled the life guard, so now I don't care if they rsvp. If they do come then they will have to watch their kids in the pool now. Or if we feel they are not doing that, we will lock the pool and the kids can play in the yard

I have a feeling they will not even rsvp to be honest. Again ,don't mind if you are one adult, but kids...plus we probably should make some kid of goodie bag for the kids so it would be nice to know....

From now on, maybe you could give an earlier RSVP date for large families... a date that would not be disruptive to you so you can make your plans in time to accommodate (or not) their large numbers.

Unfortunately, the larger the family, the more likely that some last-minute must-attend event pops up. I wouldn't doubt that many parents in large families wait until the last possible date to reply "yes" in order to avoid having to change it to a "no" later when something pops up (like what happened with the cousin who replied early).

As others have suggested, you might also just ping the holdouts and get a feel for the probability. Maybe they are just slacking, but maybe they really don't know yet or are waiting to hear when their child's piano recital will be scheduled.

yoymama, I totally agree. I was thinking well this is my fault for giving such a late rsvp date, but then I was thinking the reason I did that late date was for that reason, that with a big family the further away the event the harder it is to give a yes or no.

In my mind, the closer the rsvp the easier it is for families to make a decision however, if they know sooner they should tell me.

A few months ago my cousin had a party at noon on the day of a race for me. And my boys had soccer but there was a good chance that they were going to skip it that day and hubby take them to the race. So I reached out to my cousin right away, and told her the situation, and that I would be able to go after the race, but I was unsure if the boys were going to soccer, but I would let her know asap. And hubby and I decided a few days later just to take the boys to the race and I let my cousin know we've all be going to the party.

Sometimes I swear people KNOW they aren't going but still wait until the last minute! Why do that?? anyway still havent heard from anyone!