You just one-upped ChickieChicks. And you react so vehemently to the slightest criticism.
Anyone who posts private information in a public format sends an open invitation for other opinions. It's an odd practice if you can't handle criticism. Growing a thicker skin and letting things roll of your back would serve you much better than this. Why can't you take it as a compliment that she's trying to be like you? But if you really want to be mean post maniacally low numbers and then she won't have much to strive for.
Do you get personal satisfaction from being like this? I just wonder...it must be a unsettling approach to life and friendships. There's no denying that I can be snarky when someone annoys me, but you seem to go out of your way to be disagreeable. I imagine that's very exhausting. And I'm speaking from reading plenty of your posts...because you are someone I remember...because it seems you are frequently disagreeable, or must point out the opposing view, or play devils advocate. I'm just saying if you are like that in real life, it can really put others off. If its just a 3FC thing, then keep keeping on I guess...
I would take it as a compliment. It appears she is utilizing your exercise stats as a measure for how much she should do. Just congratulate her on her efforts. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
^ This is the answer to pretty much every interpersonal problem ever, really.
I know....I've done a lot of growing over the years, but I seriously struggle with this. I keep rationalizing it like mean people are like dogs. If every time your dog bit you, you were kind to it, rubbed his belly and said "good boy!" not only would he never learn to not bite, but he would be getting positive feedback for a negative behavior. I struggle with "rewarding" nasty people with kindness. I'm not saying my family member is being nasty, because really she's not. But generally speaking, my knee jerk reaction to mean people is to be mean back. The dog analogy might be poor, because truthfully the dog is not biting to be malicious and to hurt people's feelings or take out his own mal-adjusted emotional immaturity, but I see mean people as miserable people just out to make others miserable, because it makes them feel better....which is why I'm suppose to be kind..but its so hard...
It does sound like one upping. I agree with your approach;post later in the day. Make sure to still encourage her though since you are further on your journey.
People do not respond the same way as dogs do. If they did then the analogy would make sense. But you can't teach other people how to act, unless they are your own children or unless you are close enough with them to have constant communication about behaviors that bother you. But in this case or in every case, people do not feel they are either punished or rewarded by how you react to them. Your reaction to another person is not for their benefit, but for your own. Try not to judge her or feel put off by her own actions, it's bringing you down for no reason. What possible effect could her running distances have on you other than to annoy you?
If I post something on facebook and someone repeatedly responds in an annoying manner then I blame myself, don't post anymore - problem solved. I can't teach the other people not to be annoying, I don't have the time or responsibility to do that.
I don't get any satisfaction from being "like this" whatever that means. I just thought it was rude and uncalled for to tell ChickieChicks that she made no impression on you. This is the internet, you can't expect to know everyone, but telling someone they're inconsequential when they took the time to post their genuine opinion on a matter for which you asked advice is mean imo.
There's more to be gained by being compassionate than by being mean.
Last edited by Palestrina; 04-08-2014 at 05:20 PM.
I must concur. If mean people were dogs, I'd absolutely agree you don't reward bad behavior. But mean people are often:
-Having a bad day. Maybe they got fired. Maybe their mom died.
-misunderstood- maybe they have no idea what they sounded like.
-Reacting to the person they spoke to before you- not fair, but it happens.
-Depressed.
You don't owe a mean person squat. But...kindness breeds kindness, just as meanness breeds meanness. You could respond to a mean person by being mean, and you'd have every right. But you could also respond by being kind, and then that might change their entire day. They might then be kind to the next person, and boom- an explosion of kindness.
