[novangel]

It's such a humiliating experience and to top it off I know they judge me because I'm not married, have a child, and tattoos.

I'm over 35 and at first I was hounded about birth control as if I don't know how babies happen. What do they care if I got pregnant? One time handed me a pamphlet on different types of BC and how they work as if I didn't know. I guess I look 17 or something. He inquired at two separate appointments (in a nonchalant way) as to how many men I've been with since my last appt, I informed him I've been with the same man for 6 years. I always left there feeling upset.

Today I saw an associate and as I was about to get my pap she asked if I wanted to be tested for chlamydia and gonorrhea. What!? Never in my life. I didn't complain about symptoms of anything I'm just there for a routine pap. I highly doubt they would ask a married woman if she wants to be randomly tested for STD's. Whatever, blew it off..

I go to the front desk to pay and found out she ordered me to be tested for HPV. Umm...I didn't consent not to mention it's a $200 test. I'm self pay right now. The lady at the front desk nervously got the nurse who informed me that HPV testing is now routine. Yeah okay...I haven't been there for a year so it's their job to inform me of routine changes. I call BS but whatever again.

Instead of arguing to drop the HPV test I paid and left pissed off. After 5 years there I'm done. I feel judged every single time. I never felt this with previous doctors.

I'm getting married in November so maybe my next gyn will look at me in a different light.

ETA: I got Paragard IUD a few years ago. I told her it causes spotting sometimes which she said was common but told me I should be tested for endometriosis. I don't have endo FFS. I just wanted a round of BC pills to regulate and she wants to give me a $400 test.

[alaskanlaughter]

definitely find a new doctor who has a better manner than this one and will actually listen to you and your concerns

anywhere I've been over the years up in this state, I've always been routinely asked if I want my annual pap to be also tested for a slew of STDs etc....you can either opt in or opt out of that but I think they are required to ask me that...at least that's the impression I get...

I've been with the same partner for 11 years now and the doctors up here don't seem to judge me, although i'm still asked if I want that option of testing

but I agree....find a new doctor...if any of mine were like that, i'd be finding a new one too

[Pattience]

I think you are projecting. Their behaviour is not about you. They would do that with every patient. Sexual diseases are still rampant and HIV is rising. Being married is no protection.

None of those questions would have bothered me.

The only thing that would have pissed me off is the $200 routine test. I would not have done it if i knew i hadn't been sleeping around since the last test. $200 is a lot of money.

[Pattience]

Oh btw, i don't know if things have changed but when i had an IUD many years ago, they should be removed after two years. I had mine in for four years and although i didn't get pregnant, it did have a negative effect on my cycle so that i was bleeding every two weeks.

If i were you i'd get it removed and either get a new one of the same or different brand.

[amandie]

Wow. Not cool at all especially the HPV test. Fingers crossed for a better gyro as well as their front desk employees!

[kaplods]

I've been asked all those questions and given all the same bc and std screening recommendations and brochures when I was single, an admiyyed virgin, wiith no man in sight.

That hasn't changed now that I'm married (almost 12 years), either. I have no kids, a master's degree (and my doctors know it) and I've always looked about as vanilla as they come.

My doctors office has also recently added hpv as a routine part of a pap (though they did remember to tell me about it. Because hpv causes cervical cancer, and because there's now a vaccine for hpv, an hpv screen seems prudent.

I never assumed my doctors were singling anyone out, or assuming anyone was stupid. I just figured the routine was mandated by the clinic's administration either because of health department or insurance regulations.

[PatLib]

Yeah, once I got a bad kidney infection when I was 14 and I got asked all those questions and the doctor kept asking if I was pregnant. I hadn't even kissed a boy yet!

But they have to ask those question, they don't know you. You could be having an affair for all they know and they don't care if you are having an affair they just need to know the facts to treat you.

[BettyBooty]

I think a lot of those questions are routine. I recall being asked how many sexual partners I've had since the last test (been married for almost 13 years now and have only been with him for at least 17 years) and was asked if I wanted to be tested for various STDs as well. I don't think marital staatus plays into that at all.

I also get asked if I practice birth control and if so, what do I use.

The only thing that would bother me about your experience is the $200 test. You should be able to opt out, especially if you are self-paying.

[nelie]

I think it does differ on the gyno. My last gyno, she was amazed by my loose skin, I didn't really mind but yes I have loose skin, get over it. She also didn't understand why I didn't want children and I told her that I know she was just trying to expand her services to me but it wasn't happening. I switched shortly after that.

[Palestrina]

Originally Posted by novangel

It's such a humiliating experience and to top it off I know they judge me because I'm not married, have a child, and tattoos.

Ok hold on. How is it a humiliating experience? It's just an exam, I understand it's a little invasive but humiliating is a strong word imo.

How do you know they judge you because of these specific reasons? Unless you live inside the compound of the westboro baptist church then I can't possibly imagine a scenario where you are discriminated against for those specific reasons. A tattoo? Big whoop. You have a child? You're not married? Are these biblical times or do we live in america? IMO you're blowing up something that is not a big deal. Unless you were specifically judged out loud for having a tattoo then I'd say it's all in your mind.

I have childless unmarried girlfriends who say their doctor talks to them about freezing their eggs. At the end of the day gynocologists are supposed to care about your reproductive and general health. HPV testing is routine now, I still get tested for it eventhough I'm married. It can cause cervical cancer and fertility issues. Paps now are only every 5yrs.

This whole thing reminds of the Mad Men episode where Don Draper's secretary goes to the gynecologist and is met with such disdain. Surely we've progressed a little since the 1950s?

[Song of Surly]

Originally Posted by nelie

I think it does differ on the gyno. My last gyno, she was amazed by my loose skin, I didn't really mind but yes I have loose skin, get over it. She also didn't understand why I didn't want children and I told her that I know she was just trying to expand her services to me but it wasn't happening. I switched shortly after that.

I have PCOS, and I went to a gyno that was just amazed at the amount of hair on my body. I'm hairy; I know this. I have hirsutism that I have been struggling with since high school, but she made me feel like a freak show. She kept using the words "severe" and "exaggerated," while my previous gynos acted like it was par-for-the-course for PCOS. She then told me that I needed to go ahead and get pregnant (I was a young college student) because it would help with the hair. Yeah, that's a good reason to have a baby. I also switched shortly after.

ETA: Whether your gyno is actively judging you or not is irrelevant. If you are uncomfortable with your doctor, find one you are more comfortable with.

[ReNew Me]

If it made you uncomfortable, it's inappropriate. And ordering tests without informing you is totally out of line, absolutely find yourself a physician who treats you with respect!!! You're paying for a service and you have a right to make the call on what services you get, especially when you're self pay. Expensive tests when you're out of pocket!? I'm informed by my doctor's if they're performing extra tests and I have insurance.

Of all the professional places on this planet you should feel safe and respected, the gyno's office should be at the top of the list.

I mean, I'm 49 and monogamous for 20 years and they asked me all those questions, too, about partners and STD/HIV testing and so forth. However, I hadn't been to a gyno in 28 years.

[novangel]

It's humiliating for me because I have hang ups from past sexual assault.

Perhaps I'm paranoid, however I never felt bad vibes from previous gyno docs and their bedside manner was a bit less brash. They talk to me there as if I'm stupid and something never sits right with me after a visit. I go with my gut feeling. Reason enough for me to leave.

3rd, I should've been asked if I wanted to be tested for HPV. Period. That was my final straw.

The group that delivered my son never made me feel in any way uncomfortable and I regret ever leaving that practice.

[Palestrina]

I didn't realize, that must be very difficult. You're right, you shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable and you should trust your intuition. I also didn't realize they conducted a test without your permission.

You have the right to seek out a doctor who you are more candor table with. However, I don't think you should automatically assume someone is judging you for those initial reasons you gave. Lots of people are single moms, have tattoos and are not married. Nobody can make you feel uncomfortable about that without your permission.

[kisskiss]

I just recently went to the gyno and had a similar experience. It was my first time and they asked me the same exact stuff, so I'm guessing it's routine. I also got a pap, and they tested me for some std's and HPV, and the nurse after said it was routine when I asked her about the extra tests. Luckily my insurance covers it completely, but I'd be mad as heck if I had to fork over $200 ... I'd suggest you change your doctor if you really felt they were judging you/treating you differently.