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Another motivational figure..."What's your excuse?"
In conjunction with my other post, I have been meaning to post a thread about fitness mom Maria Kang. In case you haven't seen her controversial pic, I put a link at the bottom.
Basically her message is, and I am a fan of hers on facebook and I follow her blog, that there is no excuse not to make fitness a priority in our lives. I whole hearted agree with this. I don't believe that everyone has to have the perfect body, but I do believe that we can eat well and for the most part, find time during the week to exercise. I like her firm and no apologies way of laying it out, but I'm sure that approach can be irritating for some. I don't agree with everything she preaches, but on days I don't feel like getting my rear on the treadmill, a few minutes on her page and I'm going to run. Having said that, I do think that the phrase "What's your excuse?" was not well thought out, if her intention was to motivate people. I think that type of approach works well for those that respond to tough love, but if her goal was to inspire a large majority of mothers, there were likely better phrases that could have accomplished this. I do believe to some extent that she is trying to gain publicity, and the phrase she picked along with a controversial image succeed in doing that. What's your thoughts? http://www.nydailynews.com/life-styl...icle-1.1487278 |
I like her. I even like her catch-phrase. She caught a lot of flack a couple months back (made national news) because they said she was fat-shaming. I don't see it that way. I think that Americans, particularly, REALLY set the bar low when it comes to diet and exercise. I think someone like Kang is just keeping it real- she's a fit mother of four, and she looks fantastic. She has all the same excuses many people do, but she doesn't use them and instead has chosen to be fit and healthy. I think people need to stop being so thin-skinned and realize- "Yes, my choices are sabotaging my health." That includes myself.
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Perhaps some people just respond to different methods. It's sort of similar to Jillian Michaels either you love her and find her motivational (which I do) or you think she is a fat shaming, bully. |
I totally agree. Kang is just telling the world the truth. Many women use babies as an excuse to gain weight or justify weight gain...sorry! Yes, I am a woman and I know many women who have children that are over 3 and they still use the excuse of 'baby' weight.
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I think she's right. It may not be everyone's style, but in reading other forums, excuses are not tolerated and will win you lots of verbal beatings! 3FC is unique in that it is a much more positive forum, which I like. This is why I only post on this one!
That said, I learn a lot by reading the "mean people" posts on other forums that will not allow you to claim that having a baby, being older, being in an office job, not having time to exercise is your pass for not meeting your goals. It makes me re-think my own excuses. |
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I agree with her, not just with weight loss but in general. I've seen so many people overcome horrific obstacles to make incredible changes in their own or someone else's life.
Some people are just always going to be negative. |
This got some serious traction at the MDA forums not that long ago.
I wouldn't bother to be offended by it. She's a "fitness personality" I'm sure she has help with her kids. Even if she doesn't, some mothers may not be willing to sacrifice the time it takes to get that stomach (or have the genes, for that matter). I don't think SHE handled the backlash well. Her personality is sorely lacking, and she's not one I would look to for guidance, inspiration or advice . |
I agree with the general consensus. I like her approach, even if I think that its too tough for some.
She says she does not have help with her kids and that her mother is obese (genes). I don't think there are any other reasons for why she looks like she does other than she puts her fitness as a top priority. She's dedicated and disciplined. |
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Though I think I disagree a little with the genes thing. I mean if you look at pictures on her site where she was heavier. She is very proportional and still very beautiful. Some people are just lucky, I mean if I was a size 12/14 and all my fat went where Christina Hendricks' fat is I wouldn't drop a pound! :D |
I remember the controversy, but didn't pay much attention to it since I don't really know much about her.
What I can tell you is that I'm 3 months postpartum, and while still obese, I'm in the best shape of my life. I was recently told I was "lucky" to have lost all the pregnancy weight (and then some) so quickly, but no. I was extremely careful to eat right throughout the pregnancy (indulging only at the end) and did my best to stay active throughout while not overdoing it. And once I healed up from the birth, I got right back to eating at a deficit and getting more exercise in. I restarted C25K on the 5th of this month (since I had to quit running while pregnant) as well as some beginner exercise videos. And I plan on moving out of the obesity category for the first time ever this summer (just 14 more pounds to go!). Anyway, no more excuses for me: I need to be here for my new son so I'm making my health a priority! |
Her post didn't really say much to me or make me have strong emotions about it in general, so I guess I'm secure in my own lifestyle decisions. :P
You know who inspires me? The guy with cerebral palsy at work who can barely move his body but goes to the gym several times a week. |
Having a nice body, and being a mother of 4 who touts a few motivational phrases does not make a fitness idol. The only reason she's in the spotlight is for her ill-worded views and mundane line of thought that someone better, smarter and healthier already thought up. I can think of at least a dozen people off the top of my head who are more motivating to me than this schmuck. I could probably make a long list of people if I had the time to think about it.
I'm not offended so much by the picture, when I first saw it I thought "yea that's a good way to see it" and I didn't think too much about it. Then I saw her in debate with the Curvy Girls lingerie founder and imo she lost the debate and I did indeed see her as a fat shamer. She said she was NOT a fat shamer, but she that she also doesn't think that women who are large should be proud of themselves.... hmmmm that's fat shaming. You can watch the interview here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXpwsgkxWQc I'm always up for a good motivational catch phrase and I admire women who have it all. I look up to my friends, my family members, women in my community who I see working out, old ladies who are chugging along at the track every morning, and I am inspired by them. And I can't stand when people make excuses, there is ALWAYS time to put your health first. But I would also like to feel good about what I look like now, I can strive to be fit and I can strive to be healthy, but why are you all out for me to be BETTER when I'm busy just trying to be happy with who I am? Quote:
- C-section and the lengthy process of healing - breastfeeding which burns a lot of calories but also requires you to sit around on your a$$ for many hours of the day - less time to work, more bills to pay - post partum depression - grappling with a new self image - assimilating to a new lifestyle - your hair starts to fall out around 4months post partum - you don't feel sexual very much for a long time after - a new and different stage of marriage - no free time - not being able to identify with your single friends These are just a few "excuses" that women have, and I'll take them all. Including the excuse of having severe post partum SPD that finally required 6months of physical therapy so that I could relearn how to walk again. Motherhood is a life altering event that happens not only to your life but to your body as well and I won't stand for anyone diminishing the fact that for some women it's just ain't that easy. Fat shame all you want, but mothers are off limits. |
100% agree with all of the above post.
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The word, "excuses" connotes judgment and in my own weight loss journeys (ups and downs), I try not to judge myself and others. I guess I don't know how "What's your excuse?" does *not* appear judgmental?
Anyways, I really, really try not to be all Up with People when it comes to my fitness lifestyle. When I try to encourage others to be active alongside, I would use a tact opposite of this "motivational figure", but whatevs. |
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When I first learned about this lady I instantly disliked her method. It's not always about excuses, it's not always about being lazy, lacking motivation, and lacking will power to put the donuts away. There might be genetics, there might be mental, emotional, and physical illnesses. There might be time constraints. There might be financial constraints. I can't work out with my kids around. I can't diet if I cannot afford to buy healthy foods. I can't get myself to do anything if I am going through a depression. And so it goes (I am just giving three examples out of the many I have gone through as a mom). Even though I think she tried to be motivational, she didn't think it out very well and fell very short for me. So, okay, when I first heard her catchphrase I didn't like it because I wasn't dieting and I was letting myself go; I thought I'd change my mind if I was more proactive. Now I'm working hard on my diet and a healthy lifestyle but I still feel the same way. Her method doesn't work for me because even when I lose weight I'll continue to champion overweight people and their struggles because I know what it feels. She, obviously, doesn't have a clue. |
I think a lot of this depends on how you view the word "excuse."
To me excuses are just what you tell yourself or others to get away with bad behavior.. Things like c-sections, postpartum depression, etc. are reasons not really excuses. Mostly because the word "reason" implies there can and often is a causation. I agree that she is a bit of a fat shamer, I was disappointed when she said that large women shouldn't be proud of their bodies. I think she should have stuck her previous line of argument about health and taking time for yourself as mother and woman. |
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When people find excuses for not making their health a priority I try not to judge them although I disagree with them wholeheartedly! Because I know that when I surround myself with excuses it's because I'm feeling scared, frustrated, alone and overwhelmed. And that's nothing to be scoffed at! I don't need motivation, I need a helping hand. |
I think doing our "best" as mothers has a different definition for everyone. I don't think there's anything wrong with what she did or said. This is her best! Do I wish it were mine? Absolutely. Do I still do my best as a mother and a person with a full time job, as a full time student and a full time everything else? Absolutely. I think we all have different motivation, different attitudes and different abilities in this world. Just as we will all lose our weight differently, we will all have different versions of giving our "best." We can't all do it the same way... Would I want her abs? In a heartbeat.
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Eh, I'd like to not have to work full time and come home to take care of two dogs and two boys (ages 3 and almost 1), cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc., so I'd have a couple of hours each day to exercise. I am pretty sure I would be much thinner now if I had all of that extra time. Oh, and dealing with crippling post-partum depression with each child was a major hindrance as well. Lucky for her that she didn't have to deal with that.
I think she does come across as a fat shamer, not necessarily only in that print-ad, but in her subsequent defense of her ad and her lifestyle. She seems like a very vain person, not so much focused on health but focused on her looks and flaunting them. |
I guess I don't understand why people choose to be offended by the word "excuse". I guess she could have said, "What's your reason?" Is that better? Probably not, because it still implies (and rightly so, IMO) that you have control over your weight. And let's face it- most people DO have control. Barring a medical condition, most people really could choose to eat less and exercise more and be of a healthy weight and fit body. Really. The reality is that most of us choose not to do that. Yes, all of us here are making an effort- that's why we're here! But I know I can say for sure there are things I do that are self-sabotaging. I have thyroid disease, and that makes weight loss harder, but I think that I sometimes use that as an excuse. I have to wonder, is it really "impossible" to lose weight with thyroid disease? Probably not. Which means that although I don't drink soda or eat fast food or candy or sweets, and most of my food falls into the healthy, unprocessed whole food category- I STILL EAT TOO MUCH OF IT, and I don't exercise enough. I know this. If someone else points this out, are they fat shaming me? Or are they just saying it like it is? I think it depends on what they say. If someone starts harping on my appearance and saying unkind things just to tear me down, that's fat shaming or bullying. But if someone simply states a fact- I'm overweight and I need to stop seeking excuses and start taking control- well, that's just the truth, no matter how painful it is to hear.
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My opinions on her aside, I think a lot of the indignation stems from the fact that many mothers are tired of being told that the perfect body is something they have to aspire to. Lets face it, there's healthy, and then there's a perfectly chiseled six pack - something that genetics do play in to, whether or not she was heavier before. If she'd posted a picture of herself pulling the three kids in a wagon in running shoes with a bottle of water strapped to her side and said "what's your excuse?" It would have been a totally different ad.
That ad would have promoted staying active and healthy living as a mother. This ad promotes hours at the gym to meet an aesthetic ideal. |
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Haven't clicked the link yet but I think I do remember this from a couple of months back. I don't have a problem with "What's your excuse?"and I have plenty. I do have a problem with fat shaming....but will have to read more before I form an opinion about that. BUT, what I really wanted to say about what has been said upthread here...I totally believe in making health and fitness a priority and it is one that I have been working on consistently for the last couple of years. But to achieve certain levels of fitness you would HAVE to sacrifice something somewhere. I'm not sure she would be winning any mother of the year awards because she sounds neither nurturing nor sympathetic and not motivating or inspirational to me. I'm not sure that a mother of 4 can achieve her level of fitness without it affecting time spent with family and children. We all have to decide which priorities go where and fitness comes in below family for me. There are only so many hours in the day. I typically use one of them for fitness and health....it would take WAY more to get a six pack. She can ask me what my excuse is but Id have to ask her what her priorities are. Just saying.
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FWIW...this article isn't the same story I was thinking of from a while back. The one I was remembering from a while back was a Blonde mother of four with even more chiseled abs than this lady. |
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That would be fine IF she wasn't putting it out there as something everybody should be able to do if they just stopped making excuses. Legitimate responsibilities are not excuses. Lots of moms cant be a fitness model and trainer. Making other choices isn't the same as making excuses. If she wants to call all of us out for not being her or not having the same priorities she does...we have just as much right to question hers. |
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I think there are better ways to send the "What's your excuse?" message. Why couldn't she have put it in a more positive way, such as "You can do it too!"
A more positive message would have had a better reception. Also, her #SorryNotSorry mentality really aggravated me. Saying "I’m sorry you took an image and resonated with it in such a negative way." is NOT an apology in my book. I was browsing sites online and one blog made an excellent point: “what's your excuse” is not a question; it's a challenge. It's inherently aggressive. http://thehathorlegacy.com/the-whats...mommy-picture/ |
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I LOVE that the "what's your excuse" is a challenge. For me that works I don't understand why what works for me is wrong and must be apologized for. The person who felt offended by the picture and took it to the media should have been mature and just thought "this message doesn't work for me, I think I will find a place online where I feel comfortable." |
Thanks for sharing that quiet ballerina. I agree with her!
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My excuse is that I'M NOT YOU, YOU DON'T KNOW MY REALITIES, AND I HAVE MY OWN BODY.
There it is. NO COMPARISON WHEN IT COMES TO WEIGHT LOSS, PLEASE!!! |
Sorry I haven't been around. I've been job searching, updating my resume, researching how to make a resume for returning to work after unemployment (SAHM), using those tips to update resume again, writing a cover letter *specific* to each application, scanning and rescanning ALL the job sites, googling local place to send out cold calling resumes, plus I'm still taking a class online...I cannot believe HOW MUCH TIME job searching takes up...omg
Anyway, my thoughts in a nut shell...I do not think Maria has fat shamed. I watched the youtube clip, and so NO fat shaming at all. I honestly cant imagine how what she said can even be taken that way. What I hear from her is that all of us should practice good nutrition and regular exercise and let our bodies manifest as they would with those interventions. I do agree that the catch phrase "What's your excuse?" while it does not bother me, is not one I would have chosen to motivate. I think that the kind of people that typically respond to that kind of "look at your self in the mirror, cut the sh!t, stop making excuses and lose the weight" approach ARE the kind of people that have that tiny little drill sergeant voice already in their mind and directing their weight loss. I don't think those people that respond to that really needed the motivation, because I believe that internally they rub their own noses in their excuses, and will attempt to stop using them. I do believe that the kind of people that are motivated by an aggressive challenge, would have put their own foot up their out rears without Marie. Maybe I'm wrong but that's how I see it. Personally, I cant stand excuses for anything. I have so much more respect for someone when they just own their life. Me, I didn't run today, because I didn't feel like it. I'm busy, but I could find 30 to exercise daily, but I choose not to. I exercise 4-5 days a week, or sometimes less, if I'm being particularly lazy. Same with school. If I dedicated myself more, I could take more classes at one time, but I choose not to. To me listing all these reasons why I'm not thinner or why my degree is STILL not done is a waste of energy. It excuses. The truth is I'm choosing not to do the things I need to do to get it done faster. I guess I see an "excuse" as "things that are out of my control", and a "reason" as "things that are within my control". When someone says they don't look like Maria and list things as though they have no control over it, I do think it is a type of whining and excuse giving. I don't know, if I'm going to be fat, I at least want to feel that 1. its my choice and 2. I can change it whenever I want. |
Why do I need an excuse? Whose forgiveness am I supposed to be asking for? Does my very existence require excuse or apology because my life choices and goals aren't the same as hers? Please, please, suffer my fatness because I have reasons! I don't remember offering an excuse or asking for her pardon.
To me, she's about as obnoxious as the "to the b*$ch on the treadmill next to me, yes we ARE in a race" type memes. If you can only psych yourself up to work out or enjoy your fitness by goading people or making up imaginary competitions, you need to work on your mental health. Also, she doesn't come across as overly smart. I've yet to see her defend this with anything but, "fat people are like gross and um unhealthy." People can try to put a better spin on it FOR HER, but she's not doing herself any favors and unless she's just happy for the attention, she would be better off to stop "helping" her defenders because their arguments for her are a lot better than the ones FROM her. |
I had no motivation for exercise til my youngest was 2.5 so this doesn't sit well with me. I was very busy breastfeeding, changing nappies and feeling exhausted to think about exercise. It seems that Maria Kang has support to do that with three littlies, plus it is her business.
My priority, even now is my kids so even though I now see the value of exercise, its not about excuses, its reality. I can now leave my kids with hubby ( or even take the older ones) to exercise. I have more time to focus on myself. I think this is important - I am changing my lifestyle for me. Not because anyone told me to stop making excuses, or because someone said I need to. It helps no one to shame people who are not fit for whatever reason. |
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