[PatLib]

I think a lot of this depends on how you view the word "excuse."
To me excuses are just what you tell yourself or others to get away with bad behavior..

Things like c-sections, postpartum depression, etc. are reasons not really excuses. Mostly because the word "reason" implies there can and often is a causation.

I agree that she is a bit of a fat shamer, I was disappointed when she said that large women shouldn't be proud of their bodies. I think she should have stuck her previous line of argument about health and taking time for yourself as mother and woman.

[Palestrina]

Originally Posted by PatLib

I think a lot of this depends on how you view the word "excuse."

Yes, the word excuse is a hot button. It connotes laziness and unwillingness to do anything about your present situation. We all have our own motivations for wanting to be healthy and clearly her motivation is primarily to be a motivation figure, possibly make money in the health industry etc. So she really really really has no excuse not to do her best. I bet though that she does not have an eating disorder. And I just don't listen to people that don't understand eating disorders.

When people find excuses for not making their health a priority I try not to judge them although I disagree with them wholeheartedly! Because I know that when I surround myself with excuses it's because I'm feeling scared, frustrated, alone and overwhelmed. And that's nothing to be scoffed at! I don't need motivation, I need a helping hand.

[KerriLeah]

I think doing our "best" as mothers has a different definition for everyone. I don't think there's anything wrong with what she did or said. This is her best! Do I wish it were mine? Absolutely. Do I still do my best as a mother and a person with a full time job, as a full time student and a full time everything else? Absolutely. I think we all have different motivation, different attitudes and different abilities in this world. Just as we will all lose our weight differently, we will all have different versions of giving our "best." We can't all do it the same way... Would I want her abs? In a heartbeat.

[BettyBooty]

Eh, I'd like to not have to work full time and come home to take care of two dogs and two boys (ages 3 and almost 1), cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc., so I'd have a couple of hours each day to exercise. I am pretty sure I would be much thinner now if I had all of that extra time. Oh, and dealing with crippling post-partum depression with each child was a major hindrance as well. Lucky for her that she didn't have to deal with that.

I think she does come across as a fat shamer, not necessarily only in that print-ad, but in her subsequent defense of her ad and her lifestyle. She seems like a very vain person, not so much focused on health but focused on her looks and flaunting them.

[EagleRiverDee]

I guess I don't understand why people choose to be offended by the word "excuse". I guess she could have said, "What's your reason?" Is that better? Probably not, because it still implies (and rightly so, IMO) that you have control over your weight. And let's face it- most people DO have control. Barring a medical condition, most people really could choose to eat less and exercise more and be of a healthy weight and fit body. Really. The reality is that most of us choose not to do that. Yes, all of us here are making an effort- that's why we're here! But I know I can say for sure there are things I do that are self-sabotaging. I have thyroid disease, and that makes weight loss harder, but I think that I sometimes use that as an excuse. I have to wonder, is it really "impossible" to lose weight with thyroid disease? Probably not. Which means that although I don't drink soda or eat fast food or candy or sweets, and most of my food falls into the healthy, unprocessed whole food category- I STILL EAT TOO MUCH OF IT, and I don't exercise enough. I know this. If someone else points this out, are they fat shaming me? Or are they just saying it like it is? I think it depends on what they say. If someone starts harping on my appearance and saying unkind things just to tear me down, that's fat shaming or bullying. But if someone simply states a fact- I'm overweight and I need to stop seeking excuses and start taking control- well, that's just the truth, no matter how painful it is to hear.

[Radiojane]

My opinions on her aside, I think a lot of the indignation stems from the fact that many mothers are tired of being told that the perfect body is something they have to aspire to. Lets face it, there's healthy, and then there's a perfectly chiseled six pack - something that genetics do play in to, whether or not she was heavier before. If she'd posted a picture of herself pulling the three kids in a wagon in running shoes with a bottle of water strapped to her side and said "what's your excuse?" It would have been a totally different ad.

That ad would have promoted staying active and healthy living as a mother. This ad promotes hours at the gym to meet an aesthetic ideal.

[Palestrina]

Originally Posted by EagleRiverDee

If someone else points this out, are they fat shaming me? Or are they just saying it like it is? I think it depends on what they say. If someone starts harping on my appearance and saying unkind things just to tear me down, that's fat shaming or bullying. But if someone simply states a fact- I'm overweight and I need to stop seeking excuses and start taking control- well, that's just the truth, no matter how painful it is to hear.

If someone points out that you are eating too much and not working out then no, that's not fat shame. But if someone (as she did) points out that women shouldn't be proud to wear lingerie and feel good in it because it sends a message of poor health then YES that is fat shaming!! How does she know that the 250 woman she's looking at in a photo hasn't already lost 100lbs and is feeling good about herself? How does she know that the 195lb woman she views as obese doesn't already feel healthy and beautiful? Passing judgement on how someone looks and belittling them for how they feel us is the very definition of fat shaming.

[Waterbunny77]

Originally Posted by Radiojane

This got some serious traction at the MDA forums not that long ago.

I wouldn't bother to be offended by it. She's a "fitness personality" I'm sure she has help with her kids. Even if she doesn't, some mothers may not be willing to sacrifice the time it takes to get that stomach (or have the genes, for that matter).

I don't think SHE handled the backlash well. Her personality is sorely lacking, and she's not one I would look to for guidance, inspiration or advice .

I'm in total agreement with you. When I learned about her she really turned me off. Everyone's life is different so for her to say that everyone should be like her is inane IMO.

[mariposssa]

Haven't clicked the link yet but I think I do remember this from a couple of months back. I don't have a problem with "What's your excuse?"and I have plenty. I do have a problem with fat shaming....but will have to read more before I form an opinion about that. BUT, what I really wanted to say about what has been said upthread here...I totally believe in making health and fitness a priority and it is one that I have been working on consistently for the last couple of years. But to achieve certain levels of fitness you would HAVE to sacrifice something somewhere. I'm not sure she would be winning any mother of the year awards because she sounds neither nurturing nor sympathetic and not motivating or inspirational to me. I'm not sure that a mother of 4 can achieve her level of fitness without it affecting time spent with family and children. We all have to decide which priorities go where and fitness comes in below family for me. There are only so many hours in the day. I typically use one of them for fitness and health....it would take WAY more to get a six pack. She can ask me what my excuse is but Id have to ask her what her priorities are. Just saying.

[mariposssa]

Originally Posted by Radiojane

My opinions on her aside, I think a lot of the indignation stems from the fact that many mothers are tired of being told that the perfect body is something they have to aspire to. Lets face it, there's healthy, and then there's a perfectly chiseled six pack - something that genetics do play in to, whether or not she was heavier before. If she'd posted a picture of herself pulling the three kids in a wagon in running shoes with a bottle of water strapped to her side and said "what's your excuse?" It would have been a totally different ad.

That ad would have promoted staying active and healthy living as a mother. This ad promotes hours at the gym to meet an aesthetic ideal.

Yes! I'm never going to get a six pack doing my hour of yoga or walking...not doing Just Dance with the kids or any of my workout videos either. Anything more requires an hour of traveling to and from the gym on top of the workout time. Not enough hours in the day if you work, clean., cook., take care of kids, house etc.

FWIW...this article isn't the same story I was thinking of from a while back. The one I was remembering from a while back was a Blonde mother of four with even more chiseled abs than this lady.

[Palestrina]

Originally Posted by mariposssa

Haven't clicked the link yet but I think I do remember this from a couple of months back. I don't have a problem with "What's your excuse?"and I have plenty. I do have a problem with fat shaming....but will have to read more before I form an opinion about that. BUT, what I really wanted to say about what has been said upthread here...I totally believe in making health and fitness a priority and it is one that I have been working on consistently for the last couple of years. But to achieve certain levels of fitness you would HAVE to sacrifice something somewhere. I'm not sure she would be winning any mother of the year awards because she sounds neither nurturing nor sympathetic and not motivating or inspirational to me. I'm not sure that a mother of 4 can achieve her level of fitness without it affecting time spent with family and children. We all have to decide which priorities go where and fitness comes in below family for me. There are only so many hours in the day. I typically use one of them for fitness and health....it would take WAY more to get a six pack. She can ask me what my excuse is but Id have to ask her what her priorities are. Just saying.

Questioning her priorities as a mother is the flip side of the coin here, why should we judge her when we don't want her judging us? I have to defend her right to work out and don't wish to speculate on her priorities. Obviously she makes makes her health not only her priority but also her livelihood. She is trying to earn money in the fitness industry so if she's working on it as a full time job then she's no different than us to prioritize her job. Just saying.

[mariposssa]

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny

Questioning her priorities as a mother is the flip side of the coin here, why should we judge her when we don't want her judging us? I have to defend her right to work out and don't wish to speculate on her priorities. Obviously she makes makes her health not only her priority but also her livelihood. She is trying to earn money in the fitness industry so if she's working on it as a full time job then she's no different than us to prioritize her job. Just saying.

That would be fine IF she wasn't putting it out there as something everybody should be able to do if they just stopped making excuses. Legitimate responsibilities are not excuses. Lots of moms cant be a fitness model and trainer. Making other choices isn't the same as making excuses. If she wants to call all of us out for not being her or not having the same priorities she does...we have just as much right to question hers.

[novangel]

Originally Posted by EagleRiverDee

I guess I don't understand why people choose to be offended by the word "excuse". I guess she could have said, "What's your reason?" Is that better? Probably not, because it still implies (and rightly so, IMO) that you have control over your weight. And let's face it- most people DO have control. Barring a medical condition, most people really could choose to eat less and exercise more and be of a healthy weight and fit body. Really. The reality is that most of us choose not to do that. Yes, all of us here are making an effort- that's why we're here! But I know I can say for sure there are things I do that are self-sabotaging. I have thyroid disease, and that makes weight loss harder, but I think that I sometimes use that as an excuse. I have to wonder, is it really "impossible" to lose weight with thyroid disease? Probably not. Which means that although I don't drink soda or eat fast food or candy or sweets, and most of my food falls into the healthy, unprocessed whole food category- I STILL EAT TOO MUCH OF IT, and I don't exercise enough. I know this. If someone else points this out, are they fat shaming me? Or are they just saying it like it is? I think it depends on what they say. If someone starts harping on my appearance and saying unkind things just to tear me down, that's fat shaming or bullying. But if someone simply states a fact- I'm overweight and I need to stop seeking excuses and start taking control- well, that's just the truth, no matter how painful it is to hear.

I always agree with your posts, Eagle. You tell it like it is with tact.

[Quiet Ballerina]

I think there are better ways to send the "What's your excuse?" message. Why couldn't she have put it in a more positive way, such as "You can do it too!"
A more positive message would have had a better reception.

Also, her #SorryNotSorry mentality really aggravated me. Saying "I’m sorry you took an image and resonated with it in such a negative way." is NOT an apology in my book.

I was browsing sites online and one blog made an excellent point:
“what's your excuse” is not a question; it's a challenge. It's inherently aggressive.
http://thehathorlegacy.com/the-whats...mommy-picture/

[PatLib]

Originally Posted by Quiet Ballerina

I think there are better ways to send the "What's your excuse?" message. Why couldn't she have put it in a more positive way, such as "You can do it too!"
A more positive message would have had a better reception.

Also, her #SorryNotSorry mentality really aggravated me. Saying "I’m sorry you took an image and resonated with it in such a negative way." is NOT an apology in my book.

I was browsing sites online and one blog made an excellent point:
“what's your excuse” is not a question; it's a challenge. It's inherently aggressive.
http://thehathorlegacy.com/the-whats...mommy-picture/

I LOVE that the "what's your excuse" is a challenge. For me that works I don't understand why what works for me is wrong and must be apologized for.

The person who felt offended by the picture and took it to the media should have been mature and just thought "this message doesn't work for me, I think I will find a place online where I feel comfortable."