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Old 07-22-2013, 09:38 AM   #16  
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My sister has gained a lot of weight in recent years. I don't know how much she weighs, but I know it is probably a good 40 or so pounds heavier than what I started out weighing, and she's two inches shorter. I know she is so unhappy at her current weight, and all in all, she seems rather depressed in some ways. Her house has turned into an absolute wreck most days (which is SO unlike her), and she's so angry with her husband for not being home enough while she is also working and trying to take care of my 3 year old niece. She's my older sister, and she has always been the one that has had all of her sh** together, but things seem to be unraveling a little. You would never, ever catch her saying that, however.

I give you this back story, because I worry so much any time anyone comments on my weight loss in front of her. I feel bad talking about running. I worry because my life is going really well right now, and I worry she will become jealous. I've started getting "into" things that were a little bit more in her realm - baking and cooking, and there's been a few times when she has acted really weird about me actually being pretty good at it. I've always been the messy one, and I have really pushed myself to be better at keeping non-cluttered spaces. My life is so stable now, when she was so used to me being my emotional self with my moments of existential crisis and talk of going and doing wild things like joining the Peace Corps. It's a weird shift in the dynamic of our relationship. I used to be the one everyone worried about, and now... we're all starting to worry for her.

I don't know. I know that was a bit of a mess, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I have a very strong inner drive and passion that my sister has not always had, although she always had much more steadiness, and it's starting to manifest in me doing things she wants to do, but can't seem able to at the moment for lack of drive. I wish I could take a pinch of it off myself and give to her.

Last edited by Song of Surly; 07-22-2013 at 09:42 AM.
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Old 07-22-2013, 10:49 AM   #17  
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Originally Posted by Song of Surly View Post
My sister has gained a lot of weight in recent years. I don't know how much she weighs, but I know it is probably a good 40 or so pounds heavier than what I started out weighing, and she's two inches shorter. I know she is so unhappy at her current weight, and all in all, she seems rather depressed in some ways. Her house has turned into an absolute wreck most days (which is SO unlike her), and she's so angry with her husband for not being home enough while she is also working and trying to take care of my 3 year old niece. She's my older sister, and she has always been the one that has had all of her sh** together, but things seem to be unraveling a little. You would never, ever catch her saying that, however.

I give you this back story, because I worry so much any time anyone comments on my weight loss in front of her. I feel bad talking about running. I worry because my life is going really well right now, and I worry she will become jealous. I've started getting "into" things that were a little bit more in her realm - baking and cooking, and there's been a few times when she has acted really weird about me actually being pretty good at it. I've always been the messy one, and I have really pushed myself to be better at keeping non-cluttered spaces. My life is so stable now, when she was so used to me being my emotional self with my moments of existential crisis and talk of going and doing wild things like joining the Peace Corps. It's a weird shift in the dynamic of our relationship. I used to be the one everyone worried about, and now... we're all starting to worry for her.

I don't know. I know that was a bit of a mess, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I have a very strong inner drive and passion that my sister has not always had, although she always had much more steadiness, and it's starting to manifest in me doing things she wants to do, but can't seem able to at the moment for lack of drive. I wish I could take a pinch of it off myself and give to her.


I don't have a sister, but I can imagine that you are in a difficult position. I think its good to be sensitive about other people's situations, when they are having a hard time, and I also think those having a hard time do not have the right to demand you hide you success or stay fat for their comfort. But it doesnt sound like your sister is doing that.

I think that what is part of making a person strong (I'm referring to your sister) is acknowledging and dealing with others in our lives that "have it better" when we feel like we have nothing. This can be in many areas of life (money, relationships, career), but for the sake of this board, weightloss. Many of us will have those times when we are bigger than we like, in my case I have regained yet again during my pregnancy. Life is full of setbacks, and we regain and find ourselves "fat" when someone else we know is losing weight. Sometimes we are ahead, sometimes we are behind, and its always kind to be sensitive of other people's place, but not shelter them from reality. The reality is you are working on weightloss, and your sister is not.


In my case, while I do not have a sister, I have a cousin that has placed herself as a competitor to my life. (She also has no sisters) I find this frustrating, but it has come up in ALL our areas of life. I have always been the thinner one (even when over weight) and I have always been more successful at weightloss, but yet she still turns it into a competition. Since I've been preg, I've gained a lot and she has been losing. Also I stopped running while pregnant, and she is "running" (walking with a few fast steps here and there) though she does not have the dedication I had, as she did not do this for herself, she did it because I did. I had done a 5k before getting pregnant. I told her I was doing a 5k and she decided to sign up with me then tried to get me to walk with her. (I will not be telling her of my races in the future.) My time was much better, and I know she felt bad, but I dont know why she is **** bent on "beating" me in something. When I was 6 months pregnant, she invited me to run a 5K...seriously. She wanted to race me while I was pregnant and fat, because I guess she figured she had the advantage, finally. Of course I declined, and she went on and on about her 5k and her time that I probably could had beat even pregnant...But even so, I would not expect her to keep quiet about her weightloss or "races", because its still something that she is proud of. I still ask her about how she's doing, and I don't want her to feel bad about talking about it with me while I'm at my heaviest. (Although I know she doesn't. She's enjoying even minute of it, because once I have this baby, we both know the tables will turn back to the way they've always been) Likewise, if it were me back to weight loss and racing, I would not keep quiet about something so important in my life just because my cousin has never been able to buckle down and achieve those things at a level that makes her feel comparable to me. Although, I would never challange her to a race while she was pregnant!!

My point is, if you were going out of your way to rub it in your sister's face, I say you should feel bad, but you're not doing that. And it doesnt seem like your sister is insisting you keep quiet, which is good of her. You should not feel like you have to hide your new accomplishements and life style for her feelings, but of course, its sensitive to not talk about them all the time. But if she were to ask what you are planning on doing Saturday, and your plan is exercise, tell her. But I wouldnt go on and on about the gym at that point. I realize your sister is having a hard time, and its good to go a little easy on her, but also she is an adult and she will understand and should accept that other people in her life are going to be in "better" places than her at some points. When she's ready and able she will pull herself out of it, especially since you say she usually has it together.
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Old 07-23-2013, 03:04 AM   #18  
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I really like this thread. I think it is very important to be able to express these thoughts.

To Saracandoit: You are much better off not having someone in your life who treats you like that. My parents used to tell me that no one would want me because of my weight. I used to believe them. Well, I have been married for over 30 years to someone who treats me with love, appreciation and respect every day.

In college, I had a boyfriend who told me that he wished that I were blonder and skinnier. I told him to find a new girlfriend.

You deserve to be treated with love and respect. You don't have to settle for anything less than that.

I am starting WW again for the millionth time. I am trying to keep all of the cruel comments that people have said to me out of my head but it isn't easy. I am focusing on staying on program, keeping a positive attitude, and surrounding myself with only supportive people.

Last edited by doingmybest; 07-23-2013 at 03:39 AM.
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Old 07-23-2013, 08:57 AM   #19  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GlamourGirl827 View Post


I don't have a sister, but I can imagine that you are in a difficult position. I think its good to be sensitive about other people's situations, when they are having a hard time, and I also think those having a hard time do not have the right to demand you hide you success or stay fat for their comfort. But it doesnt sound like your sister is doing that.

I think that what is part of making a person strong (I'm referring to your sister) is acknowledging and dealing with others in our lives that "have it better" when we feel like we have nothing. This can be in many areas of life (money, relationships, career), but for the sake of this board, weightloss. Many of us will have those times when we are bigger than we like, in my case I have regained yet again during my pregnancy. Life is full of setbacks, and we regain and find ourselves "fat" when someone else we know is losing weight. Sometimes we are ahead, sometimes we are behind, and its always kind to be sensitive of other people's place, but not shelter them from reality. The reality is you are working on weightloss, and your sister is not.


In my case, while I do not have a sister, I have a cousin that has placed herself as a competitor to my life. (She also has no sisters) I find this frustrating, but it has come up in ALL our areas of life. I have always been the thinner one (even when over weight) and I have always been more successful at weightloss, but yet she still turns it into a competition. Since I've been preg, I've gained a lot and she has been losing. Also I stopped running while pregnant, and she is "running" (walking with a few fast steps here and there) though she does not have the dedication I had, as she did not do this for herself, she did it because I did. I had done a 5k before getting pregnant. I told her I was doing a 5k and she decided to sign up with me then tried to get me to walk with her. (I will not be telling her of my races in the future.) My time was much better, and I know she felt bad, but I dont know why she is **** bent on "beating" me in something. When I was 6 months pregnant, she invited me to run a 5K...seriously. She wanted to race me while I was pregnant and fat, because I guess she figured she had the advantage, finally. Of course I declined, and she went on and on about her 5k and her time that I probably could had beat even pregnant...But even so, I would not expect her to keep quiet about her weightloss or "races", because its still something that she is proud of. I still ask her about how she's doing, and I don't want her to feel bad about talking about it with me while I'm at my heaviest. (Although I know she doesn't. She's enjoying even minute of it, because once I have this baby, we both know the tables will turn back to the way they've always been) Likewise, if it were me back to weight loss and racing, I would not keep quiet about something so important in my life just because my cousin has never been able to buckle down and achieve those things at a level that makes her feel comparable to me. Although, I would never challange her to a race while she was pregnant!!

My point is, if you were going out of your way to rub it in your sister's face, I say you should feel bad, but you're not doing that. And it doesnt seem like your sister is insisting you keep quiet, which is good of her. You should not feel like you have to hide your new accomplishements and life style for her feelings, but of course, its sensitive to not talk about them all the time. But if she were to ask what you are planning on doing Saturday, and your plan is exercise, tell her. But I wouldnt go on and on about the gym at that point. I realize your sister is having a hard time, and its good to go a little easy on her, but also she is an adult and she will understand and should accept that other people in her life are going to be in "better" places than her at some points. When she's ready and able she will pull herself out of it, especially since you say she usually has it together.
Thank you so much for the kind and thoughtful response. It has been weighing on me a little bit recently, because I feel a touch of guilt at times for getting healthier. My whole family is overweight, and it used to be a glue that bound us in a way - especially my sister and me. It's all just very strange. I will be sure to keep your advice in mind. I think you're right on the money with the kind of attitude I need to have. Thank you!
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Old 08-02-2013, 12:58 PM   #20  
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My stupid friend rolls her eyes at my new life style. She asked how much I have lost. When I told her she sorta rolled her eyes and changed subject. Bleh!
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