Any Adults Living with Parents?
 

Just looking for some advice, or re-assurement that I'm not the only one in this position. I'm 34, and living at home with my parents. I have not always lived with them. I moved out at 19-back at 21, out at 23 and back at 29. I was living with a roommate, and that roommate moved in with her boyfriend. At the time, I thought moving back was the right thing to do to clean up some debt I had occurred over the years.

I do work, and make a decent living, but it's only me. And on my own would be hard. I wouldn't be able to save much of anything. I also don't really want to do the roommate route at this stage of my life ( mid 30's ) My parents say that they are fine with me living there. I help pay some of the utilities as well, and buy my own groceries. I have been able to put some money away.....and if I continue to be single-which at this time I feel will be forever, I want to be able to buy something and be able to support myself in a few years, and not live completely paycheck to paycheck.

I will say, it's been playing a role on my psyche though. We live in a very old house and I can hear their tv at night-to the point where I have to wear ear plugs to fall asleep. It aggravates me that when I leave, they ask me about where I'm going or what time I'm gonna be home. I know they are just making conversation, but still. My diet has also suffered, as I feel like I intrude when I use the kitchen. Sounds silly, but I do.

IDK-I'd love to find a cheap cheap place, but with the formula being 1/4 of your take home pay....I need to try and find something between 400-450 per month. Which, you can't find much these days in that price range.

:( I love my parents, I love that they are letting me stay there, I just wish I had my own space, or was partnered up with someone by now making what I make. If that was the case, it'd be a pretty good income. But reality is I'm not, and it would be hard on my income alone to get a place.

Have you thought about house shopping? Interest rates are so low right now, you might be able to find an older small house and then you would be building equity rather then "throwing away" money in rent.

If your parents are as supportive as they seem to be, they might even help you out with a down payment!

Jen

You are definitely not the only one in that position! I am 33, and currently live with my folks. Sounds like we are in a similar boat- don't make enough to pay for a reasonably safe place to live alone, and old enough to not want to do the roommate thing again. Co-habitating with my parents is allowing me to save for a place of my own and cuts a big chunk out of their living expenses. (Plus, they get free housekeeping!)

We split the house payment, I pay a portion of the utilities and groceries, and I do a lot of the more intense house/yard work. The thing that makes the arrangement most liveable is the way we set our boundaries: because it is their house, they get to ask where I am going and an approximate time that I'll be home but there is no need to check in. In return, I ask the same of them. :) Since we live in a townhouse, we find it easy to give each other the space we need. Just make sure you carve out a niche for yourself somewhere in the house so you have a place to escape to when you need it!

It may not be an ideal situation, but it is working for us right now. Good luck, and try to enjoy spending some quality time with your folks while you have the chance!

I sort of do and it's awful. I live with my in-laws in a home we own together! It's small, it's not a place I want to live and they are really inconsiderate people. Noise at all hours, nosey, and to make matters worse they said they'd like to sell when their youngest child graduates. The market has gone down and no longer want to which puts my husband and I in a position of having to find a renter for our suite or staying there until they decide to sell. We are stuck between a rock and a hard place because the house is a piece of crap and there's no way we will be brining babies into a 1 bedroom basement suite! Our lives are on hold because of it.

Felt like moaning about this as it's making me seriously depressed. I can't handle constantly watching over my shoulder or the noise. I barely sleep. It's a mess. :(

So that being said, it sucks to live with your parents but on the other hand there are a lot of advantages. You really know your roomates, you can trust them (for the most part), if you're not paying rent you can save up to live on your own.

:( I would love to be able to take care of my parents....although they are tough Alaskan people, I always worry about them way out on the homestead living alone....they are in their 70s...I would LOVE to be closer to them

It really depends on the people involved. I've been on both sides of the fence. When I was younger -- 25 with two kids ages 1 and 2 -- my husband took off (long story, not worth telling). I had gone back to school at the time, plus I had two kids to support, so I was also working. The kids and I moved in with my parents. It was intended to be temporary, for about 2 or 3 years until I finished my degree. But, things worked out so well that we ended up living together for about 10 years. My parents were, and still are, amazing. My Mom looked after the kids when I was in school or at work; my Dad drove them all over (soccer practices, etc.), and the kids had a much more stable home life than they would have had if I'd tried to do things on my own and shuffled them to babysitters. Whenever issues arose -- things bothered me or things bothered my parents -- we sat down and discussed the issues like rational adults. Ultimately, the kids and I moved out, but I still remain extremely close to my parents and there's nothing I wouldn't do for them. My kids also adore their grandparents.

When I lived with them, my parents always asked where I was going and when I'd be home, although they never tried to run my life. My Mom explained, "it just helps to put my mind at ease". At the time, I couldn't understand that because, after all, I was an adult.

My kids are now 30 and 32, and my daughter has lived with me a couple of times for a few months to a year each time. It has always worked out well. We give each other our own space. I rarely asked her where she was going or when she'd be home, but she would always tell me without my asking, which I always appreciated. It's not a case that I wanted to know her business... it's just that she's my daughter. I love her more than life itself, and I can't help but worry about her. It's easy not to worry when your kids are off on their own, but when they live under the same roof, it's really tough...no matter how old they are. I now understand what my Mom meant when she said "it just helps to put my mind at ease".

If you and your parents get along well, and it sounds like you do, then speak with them about any concerns you have and invite them to discuss any of their concerns with you. Forgive me if I sound too much like a mother, but too many people spend their days dreaming about what they’ll have in the future, instead of enjoying what they have right now, and life just passes them by. You’ll eventually get a place of your own, but until that time happens, do what you can to enjoy and make the most of the time you have with your parents. I suspect someday in the future you'll be glad you did…because, regrettably, they won’t be with you forever.

I'd save as much money as you possibly can and then look into purchasing a home that's a forclosure or a short sale. Property is very affordable in WI, and right now interest rates are extremely low. Now is the time. If you feel you can't afford a mortgage over $450 a month maybe look into a different career or 2nd part-time job? I think you can make it work!

I am 26 (almost 27) and I have been living at home mostly for the last 3 years. Thankfully the end is in sight, I finished graduate school and am relocating in August.

It is difficult and rude comments are to be expected.

My best advice is to spend some time really thinking about what you want to accomplish and where you want to be. Let the past go, you are where you are. Maybe make a 5 year plan (that is ambitious but realistic) of where you want to be in every area in your life. Pick a time where you feel really calm and in a good place and try to figure it out. Then once you have a "goal" use living at home as a means to get there, not a long term solution. Don't make any panicky decisions.

Hi Sara!

First, please accept my apologies for not being able to read this entire thread (I'm taking a "brief" homework break, lol). I may answer things that have already been addressed.

With that being said...

I moved out on my own a few years ago, but when my dad passed away, my mom and I realized we were both paying two of everything: rent (apartments), cable, electric, etc. Why not pool it all together and buy a house? So we did! We bought a "mother-daughter" house and share all of the expenses, but it's like having our own apartments. I am 29 and live downstairs with my boyfriend, she lives upstairs. We have the luxury of seeing each other as much (or as little!) as we'd like.

Is there any way to create boundaries that you feel you have your own separate space? Or, have you been able to speak with them honestly about how you feel? If none of that works, there are all sorts of roommate agencies that might be able to help (at least there are in NYC, I'm not sure about where you live).

In the meantime, think of it as a blessing. There are many people who don't have their parents around anymore. It may be a difficult situation now, but one day you'll be thankful for all the time you got to spend with them :)

I can offer some solidarity here. turning 29 next month and moving back in with my folks (currently living 600 miles away with my ex and moving back because of th breakup...). Actually, I was just googling this today and looking for other people in the same situation. I know it's more and more common these days. I lived with my folks after college for around a year but have been on my own since sooo it will be an adjustment.

I won't have a job... But even when I do it'll be the same situation. Too expensive on my own. So I definitely relate!

I live with my mom, I lived on my own for a year and then I moved back in with my mom to help out with bills and stuff and its been going good

for us in Asia, it is the norm to stay with parents until marriage, and even after marriage... mmm...

There's nothing to be ashamed of but you seem a little bummed out. I think what might help is to have a goal of when you want to move out. Something like oh let's say "by 2015 I want to buy a condo" or it could be in terms of a financial plan like "I'll start making arrangements to live elsewhere once all my debt is squared away." But living in an indefinite situation would seem depressing to me too. If there's light at the end of the tunnel it's much easier to bear the darkness of the tunnel.

In regards to being asked what time you're coming home. Now that I'm a full fledged adult, whenever my parents visit us here they take time to go out on their own. I start to get really worried if they've been out too long. The next day I rage about it like "why didn't you call" or where were you all night "and they roll their eyes at me like surly teenagers." Boy it's weird for the shoe to be on the other foot. But yea, they just don't want to worry about you.

I think that the stigma of living with your parents or them living with you, is one that is unique to North America. There are a lot of cultures that wouldn't even think twice about living with their parents. My parents and my family have lived in the same house for the last 13 of 15 years. At the beginning it was for my husband and I to get our feet under us. After that, my family moved across country and a year later my parents moved as well but had their own house. After about 6 months we decided it was not financially smart for them to be spending their money on a separate property. We were very fortunate and purchased a 7 bedroom side split that we duplexed to give us both our own space. In my opinion, two women should never share a kitchen!! This living arrangement has had its ups and downs, but the relationship that my boys have with their grandparents will be with them for life and I am so thankful for that. I grew up only knowing one of my grandparents and she passed away when I was 18.

This was pretty much my experience. I unexpectedly left my ex-husband one night and my almost 2 year old daughter and I went to my parents' house. We lived there for about three years and I finally saved enough for a house last year, and purchased last summer at 30 years old.

While I don't have a lot of money to throw around and as a single mom with a mortgage and a five year old, I'm forced to be frugal, but I am HAPPY! Sometimes I stop and look around my house in awe that it's mine.

I enjoyed living with my parents. We get along beautifully, but I still wanted my own space.

I would recommend getting your own place if the living situation bothers you. It will only make you happier.