Dating older men- Ladies advice only! May be TMI for you!
Ladies need your advice. So I had a lot of fun over the weekend and met a guy who was 13 years older than me. I'm 23, he's 36.
and we hit it off really well.... in fact to the point where I slept with him. Now it's been two days and I really can't shake him off. Usually I can and just say oh it was just a fling, but I can't!
The thing is though I've never dated anyone that is that much older than me. We had great chemistry and were so natural around each other you know?
Is anyone dating/ married to someone significantly older? Need your advice!
It can work, certainly, but you need to have a lot more in common than infatuation and sex. My husband is nine years older than me and we began courting when I was nineteen, then married shortly thereafter and have been happily together for seven years. The age thing didn't matter at all in our relationship because we had common values and even small hobbies in common. Even then, however, it was notable how much more mature he was than me, and how much more stable.
Now, given my life goals, having an established, stable older man was perfect. But for many women less inclined to settling down it could be an albatross to have someone further on in life - who spends time, money, and everything else differently than someone a full generation younger. If the two of you date and find you have other common ground than just chemistry, it can definitely work. But starting out the relationship with sex isn't the best way to begin and ignores the components that would really make the relationship work longer term. So look into those - the values, the life vision, the daily habits and proclivities - and if they match what you want for yourself, he could be an excellent match. If you two are night and day different in more than just age, I'd suggest moving on.
I've never been with any one who was much older or younger, but age doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to. I think maturity levels & compatibility are more important. As Artic Mama was saying, I thinking being in similar mental/emotional places is really important too.
Yes (and nearly same ages as you and him) and it was a complete and utter disaster. We were at the same emotional/maturity level and in the end that was the problem. Looking back now (closer to his age), I am sort of embarassed about it because if I was looking for a man now (I'm married, not to him), I would roll my eyes and move on. Not saying this will happen to you (plenty of these work out) but don't ignore red flags and do consider whether he is actually interested in YOU and not just the carefree/lack of responsibility/high that comes with parading around a younger girl.... because some older guys will date younger girls simply for a novelty. Just be aware.
In my situation, it was like the high school girl who thinks her college boyfriend is sooooo mature, but in reality, if he was so mature, why do women his own age ignore him???
In my situation, it was like the high school girl who thinks her college boyfriend is sooooo mature, but in reality, if he was so mature, why do women his own age ignore him???
Oh yeah, this, lol.
My ex-husband was 9 years older than I am. As I got older my maturity level ended up surpassing his (seriously) and it just didn't work out. We were together for 13 years, so I'm not saying that it never worked, it just didn't last forever.
Now I'm with someone who is younger than my ex/closer to my age, and is much more mature and stable.
I don't think age matters that much, I think maturity level does.
When I was 27 I had a 3 month relationship with a man that was 44. It was the most fun I had ever had in a relationship at the time. He made me realize so many wonderful things about myself. I will never regret being with him.
Now I am 29 and my boyfriend is 37. We are a very good together (IMO) but every once in a while he will reference something I don't remember or visa versa.
Point is, no one can look in a magic ball and tell you how it will work out. I say take it one day at a time and have fun!
I met my husband when I was 21 and he was 32, almost 33. We weren't complete strangers, we'd played a lot of online games together before meeting and I knew friends of his in the military.
We hung out the first night for several hours. The next weekend I went to his place (45 minutes away) and stayed the night but didn't sleep together. The next weekend I was there for 3 days straight (we did sleep together at that point), then was there the entire next week. We had our 6 year anniversary last month have a five and two year old and seriously can't imagine life without him. Everything moved very quickly and we moved in together 6 months after meeting. I don't think the fact that people aren't dating people their own age is a sign of immaturity, it may just be they haven't clicked. My husband spent a lot of time alone before me because of how awful his ex wife treated (re: cheated) him. I just came along at the right time.
Age differences aren't a death knell to a relationship you just have to make sure your expectations are the same now and in the future. I think one possible issue is younger people, especially young women, often begin relationships in their early to mid 20s with certain ideas of what they want which they quickly outgrow. Where as men may adapt but are slower to do so, especially past 30.
I don't think it's harmful to see where this goes so long as you keep your eyes open and watch for red flags, which should be done at the beginning of any new relationship IMO.
Best of luck.
Last edited by XLMuffnTop; 05-01-2013 at 03:04 PM.
My boyfriend is 9 years older than me. I have dated guys in the past a few years older or my age. Never younger. It definitely has to do with maturity level. That being said, my current boyfriend is the oldest that I have dated but he is nowhere near being ready to "settle down" (ie. married with kids). We have been dating over a year but there has been a few patches of on-again/off-again. We are in a place right now that's probably the strongest it has been so we shall see where the future takes us. He's turning 35 this year.
I have several friends who married ppl 20 years older...there is good and there is bad...The positives include: having a mature man vs an immature man possibly...plus has a better idea of what he wants and feels more settled...however...the negatives can include a man not wanting a family because he feels to old to care for a baby to a lot more issues that are not so easy to deal with.
my husband is 10 years older than me...but he looks 10 years younger than he is so people don't realize it! Really, it doesn't matter much. I like to say that we women need an older man because they mature so much slower than we do, but it's not true in every case. What matters is how you get along with him, how you feel about him, and how he treats you. Age is just a number, really...however it creeps me out when people are like, 20 years apart. Then, it's just weird. To me, anyway. It's like, they could be your kid or parent at that point!
My personal experiences with older men (the oldest 13 years older too) have not been positive. They turned out only to be interested in hooking up with a younger woman, so now I'm a bit bitter toward older men that view much younger women as potential partners. BUT, that isn't really fair of me because I've been treated poorly by men my same age as well. It just depends on the individuals involved and what place their at in life. Just follow your instincts and get to know his well.
I totally agree with Syckgirl though that once you get into large gaps it crosses over into creepy territory! Old enough to be my dad? Yucko. LOL.
As long as you both want the same things (both wanting to settle down at the same time, both planning to have kids around the same time ect...) then there is no reason why it could not work.
The thing to keep in mind is that you're in very different stages of life right now. That gap isn't so big if its 40 and 53, but at 23, you're starting a lot of journeys that he's long finished.
The thing to keep in mind is that you're in very different stages of life right now. That gap isn't so big if its 40 and 53, but at 23, you're starting a lot of journeys that he's long finished.
This!
I was going to talk about stages in life. I had 2 stages in my 20s. You are still in the first stage in my opinion.
The second stage of 20s is the omg should I have a baby stage or omg what am I going to do with my life stage. :-)
Then you reach your 30s. I'm 39. So far I've had about 3 stages. The first was freaking out because I was 30 (mostly about physical changes).
The second stage was early to mid 30s when I started to panic about my career choices/future and was desperate to try to find something solid that could take me until I retire.
Now I've hit 39 and I'm really starting to enjoy things, let go of a lot of fear, and move in a career direction that speaks to me on a whole different level.
This may not be true for everyone obviously, but my point is, everyone DOES go through certain stages as they age. There is no escaping it, maturity level or not.
The gap between 23 and 36 is quite significant in my opinion, and soon he'll be going through his 40s midlife crisis. It can get ugly lol.
Dating older men- Ladies advice only! May be TMI for you!
