I'm going away for the weekend to meet up with some friends. Tonight I'm going out with a friend and her friends for her birthday. Tomorrow I'm hanging out with some of my close friends. Anyway, I've gained quite a bit of fat this past year and I'm feeling really self-conscious about it. And I say gained fat because although I weigh about the same as last year (give or take maybe 2 pounds) I'm physically larger, and a lot flabbier. My clothes from last spring don't fit. I don't think my arms can get any bigger and I have bad muffin top without tummy control jeans. It's like I'm literally bursting at the seams.

From my friend's invite it sounds like tonight is going to be a bar crawling type of night. I hate that scene. I always feel so ugly among the smaller, prettier girls with their cute clubbing outfits. Since most clubbing clothes feature short(er) skirts and sleeveless tops, needless to say I don't really own any clothes for "going out." Trying to put together an outfit for tonight that won't make me look totally out of place has squashed all me feelings of wanting to go--and I didn't have that many to begin with.

I'm really sorry you feel that way. I can't tell you how many outtings I avoided after I had gained becuase of the exact reasons you mentioned. I of course regret having skipped time out with friends and even family, because I realize now that no one cared, but me, how I looked. It can be hard to get past insecurities and feelings like you mentioned. Do you have any friends (that aren't going) that you could borrow any clothes from? Could you go raid a thrift store for a cute cheap top?

When it comes right down to it, if going will make you feel worse than not going, just don't go. But if you can pull yourself up out of feeling bad and try and focus just on the fun it will be to go out with your friends, maybe it'll be a great time.

I'll bet one of those slim girls you are going out with tonight is bemoaning the fact that she is flat chested, and another that she doesn't have your voluminous hair, etc, etc. I hear you that the pub scene can sometimes be a total dating buffet, but the only perception about yourself that matters is YOU! You have assets that other women don't have, and tonight- find one and accentuate it! Do a bold smokey eye (if you want!), where an empire-waist top (that doesn't have to show your arms!), where a pair of jeans that flatter you, flip or curl your hair out, but most of all- SMILE!

Attitude is what is most sexy. **** yes, i want to lose weight and be thinner, but I've learned I've got to love where I am before I can move forward. You've acknowledged your body has changed, and that's the first step. Accept it, love yourself, and enjoy tonight. if anyone thinks anything negatively of you, then they don't deserve you in the first place!

AND your weight hasn't even changed? Girl, you're gorgeous. You're fabulous. Work out, and you will instantly feel better and love yourself. put on "sexy and i'm know it" and have a glass of wine while you get ready.

You are beautiful and your fine a$$ deserves a night on the town!!!

I'm guilty of avoiding certain things because of my weight, especially going out. I honestly always regret it.

Life is about living, not hiding. Go! I promise you'll have a good time!

^^^^^This is such good advice. I missed out on so much and can never go back. Go out and make some memories!!! I'm sure you will look beautiful!!

I have the same problem sometimes. Most of my friends are single and thinner and I don't know if they get the anxiety I go through when going out to bars and clubs. I was always sure some drunk jerk is going to say something about my weight or the skinny blonde girls are going to start giggling and pointing at me. And for a long time after I gained a significant amount of weight I just stopped going.

And after awhile my friends stopped calling to ask me to go out with them. I finally had to apply the "fake it until you make philosophy" when it came to socializing. I realized no one cared about me in particular, I was being my own worst enemy. The first few times were hard because I had gotten out of the mind set, but I am starting to have fun again with my friends because I realize that they love me no matter what size I am.

As for clothes - I'll wear a sleeveless shirt with a fun print and a really light cardigan. The print distracts from my tummy and the cardigan covers my still rather bulky arms. Belting a shirt always gives you more of a defined waist as well. If you have the money splurge on a pair of jeans that actually fit you - even if you only end up wearing them for a month or two you'll probably feel better just by wearing clothes that actually fit you. You can always sell them on ebay or a consignment shop later and get part of your investment back. If you don't have the money try to find something that fits you - I know I feel my worst when I'm wearing clothes that are too small.

I hope some of this helps and good luck!

I know how you feel. When I was at my highest I didn't want to do anything. Socialization was the last thing on my list. I get how you feel, I do. Not confident, can't find anything that you feel attractive in, just frumpy grumpy and dumpy!

But you know what? I wish I would have gone out more. Now I've got my "little shadow" aka my 10 month old son as well as my DH. Although I'm thinner, I don't have the opportunity to go out for a night on the town. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I don't really have a desire to go clubbing or anything... But I wish that I had gone when I had the chance.

Life is for living!

I feel the same. I'm invited to go out next week and when I tried on the only outfit I thought would be suitable I was like... um no. So now I don't even want to go. And all I keep thinking is - if I could just lose about 10 lb MAYBE I could get some new clothes and then want to go out!

It's really hard to go somewhere if you don't feel you look good, I totally get it.

Well I ended up going and I did have a good time. We went to a small, local bar that was actually just a bar. Not a pseudo-club type bar like I've been to before so it was easier to have fun in an atmosphere where it really just felt like you were going to drink with your friends and have fun, not get stared at/hit on.

I will admit, I was a bit relieved because another girl my size was with us, which is probably awful, I know. But really, once I met up with my friends I didn't think about my weight all weekend.

I love when people come back to update and it's good news!! Thanks so much for letting us know. And I'm so happy you had a good time with your friends. And you know what? It's ok that you were relieved, sometimes that's just the way it is.

Whoo! That's awesome that you had a great time after all.

Thats great you had a good time. I know how you feel though.
For my 21st birthday my "hot" friend and I went bar hopping and the entire night she was hit on, even by the guy I liked. Whatever...it was still fun though.

I guess we just got to show our sexy personalities and use what we got!