[TheWanderer]

Your name says it all ~ Lovedancelive. Be yourself and be open with him. He'll either be fine with it or he won't. If he isn't, then he isn't the right guy.
You should be proud of yourself and he should be too.

[lunarsongbird]

I actually met my husband at my heaviest weight. He loved me. He married me. He loved ME. If this current BF is the right one....he will love YOU. My DH certainly doesn't care about stretch marks or "former fat girl." The right type of man would NEVER EVER think like that.

I used to project my feelings on DH quite often (especially during intimate times!!)- but now I realize those were just my issues.

Now I'm so terribly proud of losing 30 pounds. I could shout it from the rooftop. Also- the only response I have ever gotten when I talk about my weight with people is, "OH MY GOSH! That is GREAT!" I think most people know how hard it is to lose the weight- so they are really impressed with your accomplishment.

[ChickieBoom]

I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone I had to hide huge parts of my past from. Granted weight loss/gain is a very personal and sensitive subject but it's part of who you are. You didn't like something about yourself and you buckled down and changed it! The person who loves you should want to celebrate that victory with you.

[ChickieBoom]

Oh and Jessica Alba has stretch marks! She has a rocking body with stretch marks. No one thinks she's less hot. Stay away from air brushed magazines...people have stretch marks...it's not that serious.

[Fit dad 2b]

Originally Posted by lovedancelive

...His ex is so pretty and he's so handsome and then there's me.

I really think you need to turn this thought process on its head. You are the one who is so smart, and so pretty, and so etc... Do you know why? Because even if you can't admit it/don't believe it about yourself right now, the person you end up with down the road most certainly will. He will be the one writing on forums about how awesome you are, the one who can't stop thinking about you, and the one who brags to his friends/parents/etc.. about you.

Now, maybe this guy is that guy, and maybe he's not. Either way, he's the one that has to win you. If he's going to let that opportunity slip away because of some superficial mark, or over a fear of something that may or may not ever happen, then he's the one who lost out here, not you.

I think this is where true self-confidence ultimately comes from in relationships. Not from things like "I'm really fit/hot/skinny/smart/whatever, so people want me", but from the idea "I'm a person who has a lot to offer, and I could make someone really happy. If you think that's you, I'd love to give it a shot."

[elvislover324]

Well said, fitdad2b!! I love having a man's perspective on this forum!

[berryblondeboys]

Originally Posted by lovedancelive

Why do you say it will come up again?

I lied because I didn't want the weight gain connected to those marks, I didn't want him to think, "Oh gross, former fat girl." In all honesty, the ones on my calves and whatnot formed even before I was overweight. No doctor knew why they were there. The ones on my stomach, however, formed after that.Those are the ones I dread. Those and the ones on my arms.

I could have sworn I saw him do a double take when I raised my arms above my head once. I'm so scared of what he'll think of them and me. His ex is so pretty and he's so handsome and then there's me.

I dearie... you need to work on loving you - scars and all. He might be doing a double take because this is new to him and you haven't explained it. If he knew your history, he would understand and love you for taking care of YOU NOW.

We all get scars. You get scars from accidents, scars from getting overweight, scars from growing too tall too fast. My thin husband and super thin son have stretch marks from GROWING.

And why would weight come up again? Because you can't lose 50 pounds and not have people notice. Stop hiding and start celebrating. Be proud of what you have accomplished - you have gotten thinner (hopefully the healthy way) and have taken charge of your health. That says a lot more GOOD things about you than you realize!

And hiding a part of you is well... a big red flag to me and it would be to a boyfriend too. Secrets are rarely your friend.

[Missy Krissy]

Well, I haven't read everyone else's responses yet, but first of all, don't you dare go feeling ashamed of yourself! Feeling ashamed takes away from the truly amazing accomplishment of your weight loss. You put in all that work and dedication, don't for a second diminish what you've done for fear of admitting just how far you've come.

Think of it this way: Anyone can become overweight. It's so easy to just make poor choices and neglect our heath... BUT on the flip side, not everybody is self possessed, motivated, dedicated, or proactive enough to take control of their life and better themselves. You make the right choices every day. You've risen to the challenge and improved your life. Be proud of that! I'm sure your boyfriend would be proud of that too.

It's all about how you look at things.

[Candeka]

If I found out that someone I was dating had lost 50 pounds, I would not only admire them, I would also respect them. That takes determination and strength. I would never look down on them. I would look down on them if they lied to me about it though.

[Doomkitty]

Originally Posted by Candeka

I would look down on them if they lied to me about it though.

I appreciate the advice but that seems a little harsh. Everyone has fears and concerns and no one is perfect. It's not like I purposely lied, I blurted it out and then was too scared to backtrack. I was horrified the rest of the night.

[lunarsongbird]

I don't think Candeka was being harsh. Just a matter of her own opinion. I could see how someone might be a little nervous if you lied about something that might seem insignificant to them; they might wonder what else you would fib about.

[BreathingSpace]

Nothing good can come when you are coming from a place of fear! You are going to have to be brave in this case to be true to yourself. Here is a quote I love regarding this. "Bravery is not the absence of fear but the forging ahead despite being afraid"

There is nothing more "sexy", more attractive and more beautiful than someone being their authentic self and owning every single part of themselves with confidence.

Because this has been the 2nd post you've made about this topic, I truly believe you just need to let it all out and just tell him the truth. I loved what Melissa (berryblondeboys) suggested you say.

In my opinion (and experience) there is nothing worse in life than not being able to speak your truth. It causes stress and tension and just general grossness.... and it takes too much energy to hold it all in.

All the people here are right. If he doesn't like it or takes off or stops calling, it would be a GOOD thing because it means he wasn't right for you, and it's best you know now than years later!