Relationship advice? Odd situation...
 

When I was 15 I met this this guy my age on the Internet. We will call him Jason. He lived 11 hours away. We became very close and talked online/text every single day. We had a relationship of sorts where we did love each other but we still dated other people during high school. We were young so there was not really any serious talk of meeting. When we were in other relationships (oddly enough never at the same time) we did back off each other a bit but still continued to talk here and there. When I was 18 I got into a long term relationship. I had started to drift from Jason prior and when my relationship got pretty serious I stopped talking to Jason altogether. I still thought about him from time to time. Three years later I had broke up with my boyfriend and started to think about Jason a lot and I still remembered him number and sent him a text one night and he was so happy to hear from me. We started to text all day everyday like we used to and fell pretty hard in love all over again over the next 6 months. We made a plan to meet during the summer. Long story short I kind of blew him off. I got scared. I was so worried that I would not live up his expectation of me. I felt really insecure that all these feelings we had for each other wouldn't remain once we met in person. He was really upset. And we didnt really talk to each other the same for awhile. I felt horrible but I can't say I regretted my decision either. I knew I wanted to meet him but I just wasn't ready. Long story short, a few months after that he broke the news to me that he had just started seeing someone. And has been with her since (just over a year now). We have texted here and there. He still says its inevitable that we will meet eventually. I haven't talked to him in 2 months now, but we have gone this long without talking since I blew him off... My question is what should I do?? I can't stop thinking about him. Everytime I meet a new guy they just don't give me the same feeling that he does. I feel like things are supposed to happen for a reason. Maybe he is supposed to be with this girl right now, but we will have a second chance later? He's said to me that she's a nice girl but "she's not you". Did I really ruin everything?

Life's too short......I'd meet him, even if I wasn't everything he'd hoped for. Lunch and a drink is not wedding bells & every date doesn't have to be a platform of "Is this Mr. Right?"

Put your fears behind you and go for it. I know it is easier said than done, but you will feel a million times better once you take that first step. Are you still living apart?
I don't think you have blown it with him. Meet him :)

:dust:

I think we can hype things up for ourselves. If you are comparing every relationship/guy to someone you've never met, they'll never win. I'd say try to meet up with this Jason of yours. Has he ever offered to come meet you? If not, that'd be sort of a yellow if not red flag that he isn't as he says he is.

We are all coming to the wedding too. :)

Watch "catfish" documentary. Meet Jason. Go forward in which ever way that may be.

All the best to you :)

I think you should stop wasting time thinking about Jason if you have no intentions of meeting him. Meet him, see if there's chemistry and move on with your life. You're doing yourself (and your boyfriends) a disservice by holding on to someone else in this way.

I agree with this completely.

Me too. I hope he's as great IRL as online!

I agree with everyone who says to just get it over with and meet him! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Do it!!!

Ok, put it this way. Why WOULDN'T you meet him?

I am on the "girlfriend" side lol. I think is unfair. You had your opportunity and you didn't take it. Let him be happy with this other girl. If the relationship doesn't work and you guys still find each other, then go for it.

Jason is just an illusion of "what if", if you weren't ready after 6 years of talking to him what makes you ready now? The fact that he has another girl??

Please don't become that girl that chases the guy in a committed relationship, don't mess with his feelings either because you just know that you are not ready.

Good luck ;)

Meet him. Make sure he is who he says he is.

I think it is very easy to fall in love online. I've been there. Meet him and see if there is a spark there in person.

I also think that when a person reflects on an old flame, it is so easy to build them up to be something they are not. My first husband was that way. He had chased me all through school. He showed me like 5 books of poems and stuff he had written about me. Guess what, it wasn't *me* that he was in love with. It was this super romanticized, super perfect version of me. He had built me up to be this version of perfection and I am so far from perfect it is not even funny. When he really got to know *me*, who I am inside, it really made him angry and hostile and abusive.

Seriously... I would also be cautious of this. Make sure "Jason" is in love with you, not this idealized version of you that he has built up in his head, too.

I am all for two people falling in love, just be careful. Good luck!

It's hard to tell but it sounds like he's still with the girlfriend? If so, be respectful of that. Go ahead and meet him, but be respectful -- if it looks like things could progress further, then handle it the right way.

If you meet him and he's all gung-ho about getting together with you, keep in mind that how he deals with his current girlfriend speaks volumes about who he is and what to expect from a relationship with him.

He's been with this other girl for over a year, and says she's "nice, but not you"?? There's something wrong with that. Does she know you exist?
You need to meet each other. Many people here will probably disagree with me (and that's fine, this is just my personal opinion) but I don't believe you can truly fall in love with someone over phone calls and text, having never met in person. You need to meet in person and see what, if anything is there. Have you skyped? (Sorry, I watch Catfish, so I'm suspicious of these things. LOL.)
So suggest meeting to him and go from there. But if he is still with this other girl, please be mindful and respectful of that, and go in only with the intention of a friendship and make that clear to him.
If you aren't going to meet, then you have to let go of the fantasy of him. Easier said than done I know, but as someone already mentioned, if you're constantly comparing guys to one you've never met in real life, the other guys will always fall short.
Good luck! :)

I think ultimately, you know your answer, your just looking for somebody to tell you the same thing so you can go ahead. GO FOR IT! Life is way to short to live with regrets, and what ifs, and should I's! You guys obviously have a connection that you can't find with anybody else, so your answer is right in front of you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but I think we know and you know what you should do!

I completely agree with this. If this girl is "nice, but not you"...why hasn't he taken more pains to actually meet you? To be honest, it's flat out unfair and disrespectful to his supposed gf. I agree with what others have said...either meet him and see if there's any kind of possibility of a friendship/relationship, or just move on with your life. You can't go on forever pining over someone you haven't met.

You guys are all so wonderful!

And you're all right, I know the answer..I need to meet him BUT

I don't know what to do about the his girlfriend situation. I'm sure hes happy with her and I am happy for them. I actually WANT him to have relationships and have a chance to be with other people before getting involved with me. I do want to be respectful of their relationship. I have no plans to break it up. But then so what do I do? Wait until its over? That could be a long time. I am not ready to make any moves right now and I think my weight is to blame for that. I have always fantasized about being back down to my goal weight and feeling great about myself before I actually met him...

But does that mean I think he will like me better??

But should he still be in this relationship when I'm ready, what should I do? I know he would give me a second chance, I'm almost 99% sure, the ball is totally in my court now.

Yes he has, he was going to come to meet me. It was me who told him not to after freaking out!!

I have been reading this thread with interest and thinking about both sides of the coin.

I'm not sure I'd want a man who would drop his girlfriend just because someone "on the internet" said they finally wanted to meet me after all this time.

Hopefully he's with her because he has feelings for her, not just stringing her along until something better comes along (whether it's you or someone else).

And we don't want him to cheat on her with you as that would say a lot about his character (not that you would do that, just putting it out there).

I guess you can put it out to him that you are interested if the time is ever right for you both. But I wouldn't stop living your life if he's attached to someone now. If it's meant to be, it will work out.

Thank you for this! I have been trying to see both sides as well. The last bit you said summed it all up for me. If its meant to be, it will work out. I guess in sorts I have let him go, and if he is meant to be mine, he will come back.

I think that you really need to move on if that is your decision.

If you decided to meet him now, as others have said, you'd make it clear that you are meeting him as a friend and that is all. Who knows, you may meet him and find out he isn't your type or you aren't his. Just don't let this guy ruin your chance to be happy with another guy.

I agree with this. It's so easy to romanticize someone you've never met. Things are often different when you meet in person. Having said that, meet him! Go for it! Just don't expect Jason to be a perfect prince charming.

This is golden.

Yes--you are both in love with the "idea" of the other person. Since you've never actually met one another, it's easy to do. You need to meet and get it over with. Otherwise, no other relationship will ever have a chance to grow. If you "click" in person--great. If not, you can move on with your lives and not always wonder "what if?"

Yes - Definitely meet him. I echo the sentiment that the fantasy may be better than the reality.

Assuming you meet him in a public place and safety issues of meeting a stranger are addressed, the worse case scenario - there is no click and your online fling doesn't translate into reality. At least then you can move on and stop holding out for the fantasy.

Best case scenario - he is the man of your dreams and the guy you shoul dbe with.

Seems like you can't lose in either scenario.

Bingo!

If he does it with you, he'll do it to you.

There was a recent thread here (a few down!)
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/gene...rested-me.html

And I will parrot the advice - it's applicable here.

These kinds of men do the same thing to other women too - but I think sometimes we are so excited at the prospect of a decent date that we ignore the obvious signs.

One of my long-distance online friendships ended up becoming a romantic long-distance online relationship. :love: I can totally understand not wanting to meet the guy until you've lost more weight, but trust me, the right guy won't care; I know this from experience (I eventually moved out of state to be with my online flame and we've now been married for three years). The last thing you want to do is put your life on hold, because your life is happening right now regardless of what you weigh. :)

And speaking of your life being now, live your life to its fullest and don't put all your eggs into his basket; regardless of anything being said, he's currently dating someone else. I'm saying this as kindly as possible, but it isn't healthy to be all wishy-washy over the situation. :^: If you're not ready to meet him now, it's probably best to just give him up altogether. You can't spend your life full of what-if's over an ideal relationship that never really started, as it robs you of any happiness you may find without him in your life. Also keep in mind that if he's ready to leave his current girl for you, what's to stop him from doing the same when someone "better" than you comes along?

Just my opinion though. Good luck on whatever you decide and keep us posted! :hug:

I don't think you should be meeting any man who has a girlfriend. If he meets women behind her back, he will eventually do it to you.

I would meet under terms that it will be as friends until he is single. If you meet and he's flirty and alludes that he's willing to cheat on his GF with you, run and don't look back.

I don't think it's a good idea to meet him while he has a gilfriend... I wouldn't want my boyfriend to do that to me! I guess I just need to wait it out...

Then honestly, I think you need to forget him entirely. Move on with your life. If your paths cross again somehow in the future then maybe you can meet him but if you aren't going to meet him now, then move on with your life, don't 'wait it out'.

And also, if it were me and someone I was dating was holding onto the idea of someone he never met, I'd want him to meet her just to get it over with.

That's just a lie to say "meet as friends" when there is clearly an interest of more, that's the whole point of meeting.

Exactly!!!:dizzy:

I don't really mean "wait it out" like I'm gonna sit around at home and wait until he's single again. I just mean now is not the right time and meeting him will be inevitable eventually. If its meant to be, it will happen.

Thanks for all the support!

And how would you feel about dating a guy who has already shown you he is wiling to chat with other prospective girlfriends while dating you???

This is a big red flag smacking you in the face, please don't let the fantasy distract you from that ;)