3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community - Messed up and feel really bad... Need advice

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Quote:

Originally Posted by CIELOARGE (Post 4650084)

I have a "no ex" rule. They are exes for a reason. My husband's exes are always trying to get in touch with him but he knows that I am not OK with that. Not that I am insecure or anything, it's just very... Awkward. You just knos those kind of comments will come along "remember this or that"... I just don't like it.

But anyhow... Regarding your situation... I think you need to get him out of your life... TO ME, there is no point of being friends with you ex if kids are not involved. Tell your BF in a very casual way, that you were also talking to this guy but felt uncomfortable and decided to block him... You shouldn't make it a big deal because nothing was done or said that would put your relationship at risk.

You did nothing wrong, but telling him will make you feel better.

Yes... it will.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Candeka (Post 4650125)

I think you are in a grey area. Nothing damaging happened, you stopped it before it crossed over into the point of no return. Naturally, we feel bad about this stuff but there is no reason to beat yourself up over it. These things happen in life. The point is that you caught it before you entered into any real harm!

I'm so glad other people don't see this as being a huge big thing. I'm hoping my bf won't see it as one either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CabernetKitty (Post 4650356)

I really don't think you need to beat yourself up about this. You were being flirty and you realized it was wrong, but you didn't have cybersex with him or make plans to meet up with him! I don't know why everyone ripped you to shreds on the other forum- it says more about them than it does about you. Just set better boundaries and be totally open with your boyfriend about who you're talking to.

Furthermore, honestly, if my boyfriend talked to an ex and wanted to rub it in her face that he's doing well I'm not sure I'd mind. I am the jealous type, but I trust him when he tells me what his feelings are. If he didn't have feelings for a girl, I woud believe him. You don't have feelings for your ex, you just wanted to say, "Hey jerk I'm awesome now and I don't really have any interest in you but go ahead stroke my ego." Maybe that's immature, but I don't think you were being unfaithful.

I love this whole post, especially what's in bold. That's pretty much how I felt too, lol.

So, last night someone else from my past contacted me...

This guy isn't someone I dated. He's a former co worker that I was talking to for a while. We liked each other and we were trying to find time to go out. But conflicting schedules just made it not happen. And things just fizzled out with him.

Last night he was texting me and being all flirty and stuff. I made it a point to not flirt back and I told him I have a boyfriend now. He said he didn't know... And then I ended up telling him all about how I met my bf and everything.

So I just thought I would share that. See, I did learn something.

I agree with the others who have said that what you did isn't that big of a deal... as long as that is as far as it ever goes.

As far as telling him about. Sure, it would seem like the honest thing to do and make you feel better. But how will it make him feel? Even though you are coming clean and being honest, his perception of you may change. Yes, he may appreciate the honesty, but will he be able to trust you as much anymore? I can't answer that because I don't know him, but its something to think about. Given that everything done was just harmless flirting that you knw all along would never go beyond that, I wouldn't tell him about it. Just my two cents.

I agree with all the advice you have gotten here, there's no reason to beat yourself up about it.

In fact, just take this as an opportunity to explore what kind of disservice it's doing for you to keep people from your past in your life. How is that serving you now? If it's not serving you in any way, it's okay to let that go.

Keep in mind this quote: "only a fool stumbles on something behind him"

:-)

I kept expecting something bad- like you hooked up with your ex, or your BF found the texts. But that doesn't appear to have happened. So, to summarize, you had a mildly flirtatious chat with a guy you never plan to see, and your BF doesn't know about it?

Big deal. Delete it and don't say anything.

So, time for an actual update...

Today I told him. I told him there's something I need to talk to him about, and it's been weighing heavy on my mind the last few days.

I said I blocked my ex on facebook. And then I told him why. I didn't go into every detail about what was said back and forth, I didn't feel the need to. He said, "Should I be worried?"

I said No, the problem is taken care of. I nipped it in the butt.

He said it's creepy that my ex wants to know where I live, which I agreed with him on.

I told him I treat everyone as I would want to be treated, and if an ex of his was acting this way I would want him to block her also.

He laughed and was like, "Yea, I've never had that problem."

I told him I wasn't sure how he would react or if he would be mad at me... and he said, "No worries, it's fine."

I also told him that my ex still has my phone number, but if he starts calling/texting I will have his number blocked from my phone.

Just an interesting little thing here... this happened like a minute ago while I was typing... My ex and my current bf have the same first name. (Yea I know... heh) I have facebook opened in another window and someone messaged me. I saw the blinking thing on the tab at the top of my screen that said *name* messaged you. I was scared to look there for a second. My boyfriend almost never messages me on facebook. I wondered if maybe I didn't do something right when I blocked my ex. But it was my bf who messaged me. Nice,

Glad it all worked out. He seems very understanding and logical.

Sounds like a keeper! ;)

No big deal. I wouldn't have even told him about it.

I agree with XLMuffnTop; your bf sounds great :) And kudos to you for nipping it in the bud!

I think it will be best to stop talking to him all together. Maybe in a few years or so......Y'all can speak again if you want to but as of right now there is still something there in his mind.