Online dating sites
 

I'm going to take the plunge and try online dating, but don't have a clue which ones to use. I know about match.com and eHarmony; are they worthwhile?

What other ones do you suggest? I don't really consider myself a BBW now (at least not physically), but at 183 pounds am I wrong about that?

Any tips would be appreciated. I'm scared to death to do this and face rejection...:o

It's hard to say whether you're a "BBW" without knowing how you look simply because numbers don't always mean much.

As for the sites themselves, I've always been told that the paid ones are better because who is seriously going to pay for a dating site if all they really want is sex? I'm sure there are some guys who would do it but I suppose I could see them being better than free sites.

I've used POF the most. I guess it's okay but I've run into quite a few duds along the way. Just keep in mind that some of the people on these sites are a real piece of work and be careful. :)

Out of the free ones, I think Okcupid is much better than POF. THough I haven't had good luck with any of them!

When I did eharmony, I hardly had dates, but when I did, it actually was a good emotional connection!

I met my husband on OkCupid. Also had a few decent dates on there before i met him. I think as long as you set some rules for yourself (catch the red flags before or shortly after you meet) then you will be fine. For me, it wasnt any different than meeting a guy for a first date after you meet in a bar or at a party. Just online, you meet with a clear head (well, maybe a bunch of nerves).

Good luck!

I've never tried an online dating site, but several of my friends have. They use the free ones (plentyoffish and okcupid) and have had both good and bad results. I would say go ahead, try it out, just take your time before meeting them. As for whether or not you're considered a BBW... I'd just say I was curvy ;)

Good luck!

I know a number of couples who are married now that met on eharmony, and one of my co-workers who has tried match.com AND eharmony.com said eharmony people seemed more serious and not creepy compared to match (I personally don't have any experience)

OKCupid is for 20-somethings who want to date and/or hook up

POF is for hookups with scumbags only

eHarmony, match are for people seeking serious relationships.

BBW implies you want to stay that way forever and love your large size and I think DOES NOT apply to 5'8 and 183 (Congrats on the drop btw).

I met my significant other on OKCupid. Neither of us are anywhere near 20 years old nor had any desire for hook-ups. I think the make-up (and intent) of the free sites varies from area to area.

At the same time I was using OKC, I was on Match. I had zero luck on Match, even though it is a paid site, which one would think would have folks serious for a relationship. While I did meet some crazy people on OKC before my love, at least I was meeting people. Match was a complete waste of my money and time (yet I know people who had great success in my area with it).

Originally Posted by krampus:
OKCupid is for 20-somethings who want to date and/or hook up

POF is for hookups with scumbags only

eHarmony, match are for people seeking serious relationships.

BBW implies you want to stay that way forever and love your large size and I think DOES NOT apply to 5'8 and 183 (Congrats on the drop btw).

I agree with all of this and have personally found the paid sites were much more likely to have the type of men I was looking to meet, although I will also agree that it varies by location. So pick one to start with, and if you don't feel like it's working, you can always try a different one in a few months.

I tried eharmony and generally felt that it wasn't for me. Their guided communication wasn't really part of my style for getting to meet people and their "can't stands & must haves" probably turned me off from some decent matches. It's easy to say that you "can't stand" something when you haven't met or spoken to a person. But it's hard for me to get past someone telling me that they can't stand something about me. I have a list of ideal traits for a partner but some of those things might go out the window when we're face to face. That was a huge turn off for me.

I'm on OKCupid now and like the email communication much better. We'll see what happens though.

I also identified as curvy and I'm a lot shorter than you. I put very recent pictures up and have to assume that anyone who contacts me can see what I look like and is ok with it so...

Originally Posted by krampus:
OKCupid is for 20-somethings who want to date and/or hook up

POF is for hookups with scumbags only

eHarmony, match are for people seeking serious relationships.

BBW implies you want to stay that way forever and love your large size and I think DOES NOT apply to 5'8 and 183 (Congrats on the drop btw).

From what I've heard, I'd disagree about Match. I've heard a LOT of friends say that people on Match were looking for booty calls versus relationships.

I know a lot of people that have mixed results with OkCupid but they seem to like it.

I don't know that you can make blanket statements about these dating sites. I'm sure location plays a huge part in the success that people have as well. If you live in a densely populated area, you're going to have a wider variety of matches.

I'm also not really sure what demographics these sites cater to. I'm still a little leary about the whole online dating business but I'm willing to give it a try because I'm not really sure how else I'm supposed to meet people. One minute you're young, still in school and going out all of the time meeting new people, then you look up and you've settled into a routine without even realizing.

Originally Posted by krampus:
OKCupid is for 20-somethings who want to date and/or hook up

POF is for hookups with scumbags only

eHarmony, match are for people seeking serious relationships.

BBW implies you want to stay that way forever and love your large size and I think DOES NOT apply to 5'8 and 183 (Congrats on the drop btw).

In general, I agree with the above. Of course there will be a few good guys on every site, it just depends how many crap ones you have to weed out before you meet one normal one. I would say with online dating the ratio is about 1:15 or 1:20 (one normal versus 15 jerks!) haha.

What about Lavalife? Is that still going? That's what I used 7 years ago and was in a 7-year relationship but I'm way out of touch now.

Originally Posted by krampus:
OKCupid is for 20-somethings who want to date and/or hook up

POF is for hookups with scumbags only

eHarmony, match are for people seeking serious relationships.

BBW implies you want to stay that way forever and love your large size and I think DOES NOT apply to 5'8 and 183 (Congrats on the drop btw).

I resent what you said about POF being for scummbags. I happily married my husband and he is far far from a scumbag and he is a complete gentlemen.:)

Im not going to say that POF was my favorite.. I did have several blind dates...some nice some not..Out of all of them..only 3 were looking for a hookup and not a relationship. I think it matters how you tailor your profile and pictures..If you write very derogatory things that have sexual undertones, you are likely to attract guys with one thing in mind. With that being said..I actually met my husband from POF. He was and still is a complete gentleman. We have been together for 4.5 years and we have a daughter..So.. i think it really depends ..

Ive also known a lot of people have met on E-Harmony and Lava Life

Originally Posted by krampus:
OKCupid is for 20-somethings who want to date and/or hook up

POF is for hookups with scumbags only

eHarmony, match are for people seeking serious relationships.

I've been on Match and there are a lot of guys looking for hookups there too. Still pissed off about the money I wasted for a subscription. I was surprised that anyone one would pay just to look for a sex buddy but I guess they do. I've had bad experiences with all of them, lol. Oh and POF was the worst (for me).

Wow - this info is very helpful. And very daunting :)

I hadn't even heard of some of the sites mentioned...shows how out of touch I am!

I am going to target a couple of sites in March and give it a try. I will go with "curvy" as so many suggested :)

Thanks!

Originally Posted by KittyKatFan:

I am going to target a couple of sites in March and give it a try. I will go with "curvy" as so many suggested :)

Thanks!

Just FYI, 7 years ago when I went on Lava Life I was 175 lb and said I was "curvy". The guy I ended up with actually asked why I put curvy as in his eyes I was absolutely not curvy, I was "normal" and because I put curvy he thought I was going to be overweight. You can't win!

Originally Posted by BreathingSpace:
Just FYI, 7 years ago when I went on Lava Life I was 175 lb and said I was "curvy". The guy I ended up with actually asked why I put curvy as in his eyes I was absolutely not curvy, I was "normal" and because I put curvy he thought I was going to be overweight. You can't win!

I will be over the moon if someone says this to me. I call myself curvy because even though I'm overweight, I have a very curvy shape. I just used very recent pictures and am going to hope for the best.

Originally Posted by BreathingSpace:
Just FYI, 7 years ago when I went on Lava Life I was 175 lb and said I was "curvy". The guy I ended up with actually asked why I put curvy as in his eyes I was absolutely not curvy, I was "normal" and because I put curvy he thought I was going to be overweight. You can't win!

OMG, if you don't scoop him up I will :)

Originally Posted by krampus:
OKCupid is for 20-somethings who want to date and/or hook up

I'm actually having better luck with OKC. I've answered nearly 100 questions so the men messaging me are actually pretty good fits. Most are writing up to a paragraph in intro text which is shocking considering what I'm used to - "hey u", "wats up", "how r u", etc. :lol:

I already have a date for Thursday. :)

Originally Posted by :
POF is for hookups with scumbags only

I'm positive there are exceptions - one of which posted right after you, haha - but yeah, my experience with POF has been meh at best. The last guy to catch my attention lost interest after the third date, I'm assuming, because he didn't get sex so... Whatever!

Originally Posted by :
eHarmony, match are for people seeking serious relationships.

My problem with eHarmony is the cost. I know some may say, "Can you put a price on love?" The answer is yes, you can. :lol: It doesn't mean I'm not serious but I don't really want to commit to being on there for a year - which would be something like $12.95 a month - and if I commit for 3 months, it's something like almost $40 a month. So I'm hesitant, particularly because I don't want to get stuck on a site I'm no longer using and can't get out of... Although maybe I missed a detail somewhere about backing out if I find someone. =/

EHarmony. By far.

I think if you are proactive, message guys you like the look of their page (not just the photo haha) then you have more chance of getting messages from the types of guys that you are looking for on any website. Too often I think women are too passive on inititating conversations online.

If you think of it like going to bar... on any given night the majority of the men in any given bar are not going to be your cup of tea... it's exactly the same, there are the players, the smoothe talkers, the guy next door the cute geek... ya know... they are all there. You just need to work out which ones are the keepers:D

My suggestion, email a bunch of guys you think are your sort of guys, write something you think is funny and very yourself. Go for the numbers, don't pin all your hopes on one guy initially. If they reply and it interests you then keep the ball going, and if they ask you out after a few messages and you think they seem ok then go for a coffee. No pressure, no expectations, it's jsut coffee :cool:

Choose the curvy option and put up quite a few pictures, full body and also face pics and you don't need to worry that they don't like your physique.

Hey, I met my hubby on POF! It's possible :) I actually talked to a few decent guys through there, although I admit I did have to ignore a lot of messages from super sketchballs. I agree with curvy as a descriptor along with accurate pictures - you're taller and weigh less than I do! I personally wouldn't use a paid site because I guess I feel like you're more likely to get desperate people there, who really CANNOT score a date outside of the internet... which I'm aware is totally unfair and doesn't represent reality! It's just my own bias. Whew, I'm so glad to be done with dating!

Honestly, I was using Zoosk last year. I went through talking to about 5 different guys before I found the right one. All those 5 guys turned out to be complete douche bags....Seriously....I've been with my boo for the past 7 months now and I am very happy. He may get on my nerves sometimes but.......That's a man for ya.

I put curvy at 160's/5'3. I would NOT say that u are BBW if you are 5'8 and in the 180's, the low 180's at that.

Giving online dating a shot, wish me luck!

Good luck! :)

I was in them all (match, lava life, pof). I never met anyone decent. I met my boyfriend at work and he was after me from day 1!

If you are going to date and especially use a dating service you better get used to rejection! I have heard eHarmony is the best one and wish someone had told me before joining match because match dot com sucks! Just my personal opinion, lol

match was awful for me too. I was on there for a year. Okcupid has been better.

I met my fiance on POF. Turns out he was few years ahead of me at our high school, so we knew a bunch of the same people and it was much easier having that connection. I went on a few other dates before him. A few did just want a hook up, and there were a few very nice guys, just no connections.
As far as rejection, yeah, you need to expect some of that. You'll probably reject some yourself. Not personal, just can't expect to find Mr. Right right off the bat.
My advice is to be honest about yourself, your expectations, and don't spend too much time dating online. By that I mean try to meet in person, safely, sooner rather than later. A person can seem perfect online, but until you meet face to face you just can't tell if there is a true connection. Or you could possibly skype?
I'm sure many will disagree but that's my two cents.