Help me get over this crush...
 

I feel like a silly school girl - I am 32 years old and have a enormous crush on a guy I've beome friends with over the past few months. I just want to stop being obsessed with him! THis has never happened to me. I don't think he's interested - how do I move on?

Ask him out - you may be pleasantly surprised. If not,
then at least you know where you stand & go from there
Good luck

Yeah! How do you know if hes not interested unless you ask him out!

Besides, crushes are kind of fun. I love the huge endorphin rush you get when you see them, its hard to get that feeling naturally :D

If he wants to go out with you then AWESOME, if not, then clearly he's not worth crushing over!

Good Luck!!

I agree crushes are a lot of fun. I am too shy to ask him out, but I would have a couple drinks, build up my courage and tell him I liked him and see what he says....good luck!!

Believe me when I tell you that us guys have crushes too and its just as hard, if not harder on us. He might be feeling the same way and might think you're not interested and if neither of you makes a move, its just a wasted opportunity. Go for it. The worst that could happen is that he says no, in which cases you are exactly where you're at now.

I had a crush on a guy I worked with for a good while. I would see him when I would walk into the building. I wanted to talk to him but I was soooo shy back then. I dont know what came over me, but one day I walked in and introduced myself. We have been together for 13 years and have been married 7 1/2 years. I vote for asking him out....you never know until you try :).

Oh you guys are so supportive and sweet. Here's the thing - we are both in a social group that I am very much involved in and so is he. So I don't want to make things weird. Sometimes I think he may be interested - but other times he doesn't always follow through on chances to hang (like we talkeda bout cooking together sometime but it never came to be or going to a farmers market together which was his idea). I know he really really likes me as a person ... but does he like me like that? I don't know and I guess I'm scared to embarrass myself and find out. BUt you are right - I need to either embrace and enjoy the crush - OR to get over it - just be blunt and find out. Until I'm rejected I probably won't be able to move on. I hate ot say this - but we get along and enjoy each other's company so much - I do feel like it would be a no brainer that we would be together if I was prettier (i.e. not fat). One of these days I will be brave and bold ....

Ask him out. I had a crush on a guy for years and chickened out..we lost touch and then this year we met up again and he got married. You snooze you lose.

Also even if he is not interested in the long run then you will have no regrets of never telling him.

I had a crush on this guy for AGES (almost 2 years) where the flirting was ongoing and on-and-off. Well I got it clear very late, lost lots of time in self-pity and then when I found out he only saw me as a friend... well I was sad, but at the same time it was so liberating! At least I could open my eyes and see around! Plus 2 months later I met my current bf and I am happier ever since. ;)

If u really want to get over him picture him doing gross stuff every time u look at him. Or ask him questions to things u don't really want to know, maybe one of his answers will drive u away. Lol just being silly. Why get over the crush I miss crushing

I would pick back up on the cooking or going to the farmer's market ideas. Go as friends, if that goes well then ask him to do something else, like a night out. You will learn if he has an interest in being more than friends.
DO NOT use "if I were prettier" as an excuse to not do this!! He obviously likes your company if HE suggested cooking together...maybe he needs you to put forth the follow through. :)

The cooking was my idea - the farmer's market his! I shall try to follow up on these things and at some point I think I just need to come clean to move on.

Hey, there's nothing to be embarrased about! Having crushes is totally normal... and fun! Own it :) If you don't tell him, and decide just to appreciate the awesomeness that is cool (and if you're in a committed relationship, mandatory! We're all human, we all feel attracted to various people at various times - often because they posess a quality we'd like for ourselves... but I digress ;) ). And if you do decide to tell him, that's cool, there is zero shame in being attracted to someone! If he's interested, that's great, and if he's not, that's ok too, it's not because there's anything wrong with what you do/say/wear/look like/smell/enjoy doing... It just needs to "click" for both people involved, and if it doesn't for him, that's normal too, just continue to own it - you're not doing anything wrong! Crushes will come and go and they're fun, can be an opportunity for self-reflection (the "liking in others what you want in yourself" thing), and whether you tell anyone about them or not, and whether they're reciprocated or not... They're still pretty groovy :D

I'd agree with the people arguing for making a move/telling him. This is likely different for different people, but it's nearly impossible for me to move on unless I come right out and tell the person how I feel. Otherwise my brain stays in "what if" hyperdrive.

well tonight we are carpooling to a social event together. Maybe I'll be brave. :)

Ugh. I hate crushing. It never works out well for me. It seems like men only want to be with a woman if it was their idea first and I guess I'm just not very good at manipulating them into believing that lol. Luckily, as I got older, I stopped having them.

I also hate crushes. They upset my emotional equilibrium in such a way that I can't even be myself around the guy. I try so hard to cover up my feelings that I come off as stand-offish and aloof. I got a crush right now and I just want it to go away. I heard from someone else that he has a long-distance girlfriend and that she's hot and that he's very faithful. I did some stalki... I mean research, but I couldn't find anyone who fit her desciption on his FB friend list, nor is he listed as "in a relationship." So I don't know how accurate or current the information is. Either way, I would be absolutely TERRIFIED if he found out. I reeeeeeeally want this to be over with.

I am curious to find out how the OP will fare with her crush. Will she tell him, or will she wait for him to say something to her?

mandypandy2246 Go with plans. Say, hey remember we were talking about cooking class? I saw a groupon for X, or The farmer's market is opening soon but one of the nearby farms has a jam I love that I can't stop thinking about I was thinking about taking the drive...

Offer a concrete opportunity and see if he takes you up on it.

Being a shy male, I can tell you it's just as tough if not harder for some men to ask. Becoming friends is almost like dating to some men considering they have no courage to POP the question....trust me, I had a huge crush on a beautiful girl in highschool that come to find out liked me too. Life goes on but honestly, I would have been so happy if she would have been more couragous than me. I think it's hot when a girl knows what she wants and goes for it. now at 31 I am amazed at how many woment think I am hot....even being in my current state of fatness. haha. I think when you got some motion in the ocean you can rock the boat easier....if that makes sence...cause I am questioning it myself...

Had wonderful time. Did not tell him and realize now I don't plan to anytime soon. Perhaps after we become even better friends - we are still sort of feeling the whole thing out.

I think if you are having a wonderful time together and becoming even better friends, what is meant to be will be (or not, as the case may be).

Who knows, maybe in his mind he thinks these *are* dates! Sort of like bbmains says above, my husband swears that we were dating about 3 months before I say we were dating. Before that, we were just going out as friends (in my mind, clearly not in his LOL). 24 years later, we still chuckle about it.

Good luck! Enjoy what you've got and try not to stress too much about whether it moves into "more".

I just want to put in a plug for not putting off telling him for too long if you really want there to be a relationship (if you're just enjoying the feeling of the crush, this may be less relevant). I speak as someone who has personal experience with putting off telling someone how I felt because there was lots of time... and then an accident happened, and the person is gone. I know now that feelings were mutual, and the regret of not speaking up is something I live with every day.

Synchro - I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I don't have the words. :(

Thanks for reminding me to seize life. I still don't think I'm ready to be brave. Mostly because socially, we both hang out with the same group now and I don't want to mess up the social dynamic should it not be recipricated ....

I think having crushes are the most fabulous thing ever. Having one now at 38 years of age, I feel like 17 again.

Crushes rule. Ride the wave.

If the Farmer's Market was his idea....ask him to go with you! :) That way you can do something he came up with, showing interest, and spend time together!

Make sure to pick up something yummy and then ask if he wants to come over and cook something up...win/win! (Grab a bottle of wine or whatever to help lighten y'all up!)

His market idea and your cooking idea can easily be combined and lead to something more!