My husband never said anything to me. My bestfriend never said anything to me. I really really wish they did though.
I knew I had gained weight but had no idea how much (except the sizes of my clothes got bigger and bigger). When I got a really bad medical diagnosis and it was due to my very high weight, I was devestated. I said to my mom, "Who knew I gained so much and that it would cause all these problems (I felt fine, it was an internal diagnosis)." And she said "I knew you gained a real lot but didn't want to hurt your feelings." Well, now I almost wish she did. My mom would never hurt my feelings on purpose but sometimes things do need to be said. I guess I can see both sides of it now. I don't want my husband telling me since we have a real personal relationship and I don't want to be embarrassed anymore than I am but if a mom can't tell you that you are too big, who can??
We've been married for 8.5 years, and we are at the point where even if I begged him to tell me what he really thought about how I look, weight , etc.....he would rather have a rabid wolf chew off his arm.
But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that I am more attractive at a healthy weight, and I subsequently take more care to look nice and carry myself with more confidence.
If my SO said anything to me, I would like it to be something like "we really need to try and eat healthier and exercise more". I would respond well to that.
I wouldn't respond well to any other comments about my weight. I'm insecure about it as it is.
With a previous boyfriend I gained a LOT of weight over 4 years - like 60 lb. He never said a WORD about it. When I went on WW he was supportive, but still, never commented on my weight.
About a year after we broke up we had a phone conversation and he said "well, you DID gain a LOT of weight when we were together" in this horrible accusatory tone, and I felt soooo betrayed and angry. Like why didn't you SAY anything to me while we were together if it bothered you - why wait until after we had broken up? It was so weird. So it wasn't even the fact that he was bothered that I had gained weight, it was that he was bothered and didn't say anything! Or was he really bothered? To this day I don't know, maybe he was just trying to hurt me in that post-breakup conversation, I'll never know.
Guys can't win. If they say something about their SO's weight, they're an *******. If they don't, then they're apparently not keeping their SO on track.
My ex would say stuff like "Don't fool yourself, you've gotten heaver" and it would do nothing but devastate me, make me worried he was going to leave me and motivate me to diet for a week. The only thing my fiance says to me is "are you sure?" when I'm dieting and want something off plan. The only reason he evens asks is because sometimes I'll change my mind and say "Actually, no, I don't want that." I'm happy about it, I do not miss the "reminders" that I'm fat. I don't need to be reminded and I know it's not an actual motivator for me.
He says I'm sexy no matter my size, I don't feel like I am but I believe that he believes it hehe.
I tell my husband once in awhile that I'm fat. Kind of like stating the obvious, usually when I'm talking about working on my diet and exercise habits more. He tells me "No, you're not," every time! It kind of annoys me really, I'm not looking for a compliment or anything I'm just stating the facts. I don't have a skewed view of my body, I KNOW I'm fat and heavier than I want to be. But I have really amazing self-esteem and I know it doesn't affect who I am as a person. I guess I'd just like him one time to be like, "Yeah, maybe we should get healthier," instead of pretending like it's not a thing. >.>
No, because I already know myself, so why would I need/want him to say anything about it? On reflection I'd probably be quite annoyed if he did. I find so much that 'people' assume that overweight people don't know that they're overweight and that if someone just told them then they'd all be skinny minnies.
I know I'm fat and I know how I got here. I don't need affirmation from my significant other about it, we both know I'm very overweight because it's kinda hard to miss
Last edited by Istayedhomeandate; 02-03-2013 at 02:53 AM.
There is always some truth behind every joke is what I say. If my husband were to "jokingly" say something like that I'd take it as is his attempt at a "non hurtful" way of letting me know I need to lose some weight. If he's concerned about my health I would prefer he be a man and tell me something rather than try to "jokingly" do so as well because "joking" about it is more hurtful than him saying "look you have XYZ wrong with you and the extra weight isn't helping. Lets do this together"
Last edited by SweetTreat80; 02-05-2013 at 08:46 AM.
I found the strength needed to lose weight after we broke up. And I have to say that I wouldn't like it if a new boyfriend took it upon himself to tell me I need to lose some poundage. First of all, thank you Captain Obvious. And more importantly I now feel that my weight is my business and my responsibility. I am the one who needs to make good choices and stay healthy. Any criticism some third party has on the subject (when they can't lose the weight for me) is going in one ear and out the other. This is the first time in my life EVER that I've thought it was even possible for me to reach a healthy weight. I'd spent all my life looking at people who lost weight thinking, "Well THEY can do it cuz they are different. Weight just falls off them and I'm simply unlucky..." or whatever excuse I came up with. This, like pimpin', ain't easy. But I got myself into this mess and I'm going to get myself out of it. Not only that, but I will be in a better place because of the journey that I've had. I do strength training every week so that I can tone up while I lose the pudge. I highly doubt that if I had been at my goal weight all my adult life that I'd be toned or have the cardio capacity I do now. I'd just be sitting somewhere vegging out watching movies, while taking my weight for granted. Yeah sure, I got another 35 pounds to lose before I stop caring what the scale says, but when I get to goal, I'll be able to do fricken dumbbell push-ups with 20lb weights.
Let a man tell me that I need to lose weight. Pfft! He better duck, cuz that mean right hook is coming fast!
Great response!
Last edited by Mountain Mamma; 02-05-2013 at 11:10 AM.
I would rather not hear commentary from a significant other, personally. I'm not going to suddenly wake up having gained 20+ pounds without noticing. I'm incredibly neurotic about this stuff - I would notice if I gained 2 pounds, let alone enough to "make a difference."
Think about when your SOs gained weight or lost some. My dude gained 5-10 lbs when he got a new job - I barely noticed, maybe a little, but I would never say anything unless he was obviously undergoing some kind of personal meltdown and reverting to piles of Chinese takeout and secretly eating meals between meals. He noticed he had gained and started packing smaller lunches and started an exercise routine in the mornings before work and lost it and then some.
We've been married for 8.5 years, and we are at the point where even if I begged him to tell me what he really thought about how I look, weight , etc.....he would rather have a rabid wolf chew off his arm.
HA! I would say my DH is the same. Even if I told him to sit down and have a talk with me if he saw me gaining weight, I doubt he would (and rightly so). In the end, every single time I've gained I've KNOWN it was happening, and in truth if he'd have said something (even in a serious sit-down-and-have-a-talk kind of way) I'd have been devistated!
There is always some truth behind every joke is what I say. If my husband were to "jokingly" say something like that I'd take it as is his attempt at a "non hurtful" way of letting me know I need to lose some weight. If he's concerned about my health I would prefer he be a man and tell me something rather than try to "jokingly" do so as well because "joking" about it is more hurtful than him saying "look you have XYZ wrong with you and the extra weight isn't helping. Lets do this together"
The things I said were jokingly, I don't want him to joke about my weight that would hurt my easy to hurt feelings. I just wouldn't mind him letting me know in a nice manner if I am gaining. Last time I didn't notice the first 20 lbs and before I knew it I was at 190 something, jumped off the scale before it could finish. My sisters man calls her fat girl, that angers me, especially because she weighs 115 or less at 4'11 and he weighs 350+ at 5'10. But that approach seems to work for her because at the beginning of their relationship she had been almost 140 and dropped instantly and has maintained at her current weight for 9 years. He even told said when she was pregnant that she better not get fat afterwards. He disgusts me, I seriously believe she ate poorly during pregnancy because she had the smallest baby of her 3 weighing at 5 pounds.
So in all we agreed to both remind each other when we see our eating patterns or weight increasing. Not just 5lbs but in excess.
Last edited by chubbiegurl; 02-05-2013 at 03:07 PM.
