New pet and my significant other.
 

I guess I just need to vent.

I've been with my SO for 12 years. I'm a pet person, he claims not to be although he had both a cat and a dog when I got together with him.

I lost my beloved German Shepherd mix on Dec. 5, and last Thursday I brought a rescue dog home for a trial period. And just like every other time I've gotten a pet to replace one that I lost, he was acting like a jerk about it even though he gave me the green light in advance. And I'm tired of this same song and dance with him. He always ends up liking the pets I pick. The dog that passed he said was the "best dog he ever had" and the cat I chose from the pound last year has adopted him and he calls it "his" cat. So why can't he trust me on selecting a new dog? Instead he's all wigged out because the dog has some pitbull in her (she's a lab mix) and what will the neighbors think? And he's flat out called her ugly, and I don't think she is. She's a sweet girl and she's got the energy and size that's right for being a hiking buddy which is what I wanted her for. I've committed to taking her to dog training classes to work on her fear of strangers but other than this one issue she's really good. She rides in the car well, she's gentle with our other dog, she's sweet to us and if anything overly affectionate because she keeps sneaking into our bed at night time. She doesn't chew on things or destroy the house when I'm at work. She's doing great. And all he can see is she's got a little pit in her. And he knew that before I ever went to look at her because I showed him her ad. He never said it was a problem. So I feel ambushed and angry that once again he's being a jerk about an animal he is most likely going to end up really liking downline. I'm tired of having this same stupid fight when I have such a good track record of selecting good pets.

When he gets like this I frankly get to the point where I wonder WTH I'm doing with him. It makes me miss my single days when I lived alone and didn't have to put up with other people's BS. I know that's just because I'm mad right now and that I would miss him terribly if we broke up, but right now I'm just really angry. I'm so tired of him telling me something is okay and then after I do it ambushing me with an attitude that clearly shows it never was okay with him.

No advice,except maybe give him time.My husband is like that with a cat my sister got and couldn't keep...so we took him.Now,it's my husbands second favorite cat we've ever had.Men are just weird sometimes :shrug:.I also want to say,it's nice to see people 1)adopt from shelters or rescues and 2)adopt a dog who has any pit in him/her.I volunteer at a local shelter and I see dogs get picked over because they have pit listed on their cages.I've bathed some of the sweetest pits ever :goodvibes

I don't have any advice except to maybe put him in the doghouse. :)

Really, I just wanted to say I am sorry about the loss of your dog last month. It's such a strong and sad feeling to lose our beloved pets. And I thank you for rescuing another pet into your home. Your new girl sounds wonderful (and I am sure she is beautiful, every animal is). I wish I could bring them all home with me so they'd be safe, fed and warm.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. :(

Maybe it's too soon for him to have another pet. If he loved your previous dog so much and called him the best dog ever, it's possible that he is not ready to let another dog into his life so quickly. Maybe he agreed because he knew it was important to you, but he is concerned about loving this dog. It can be hard to love a new pet so soon after the previous one has passed, because it's fresh in your mind that this one will eventually die too. Losing a pet is so emotional and heartbreaking.
Sit down and talk with him about it. Hopefully with time he will learn to love the new dog as much as the old one. Next time maybe you guys could go together to pick out the new pet.

Maybe he is concerned that the dog will hurt his cat.

Could he be worried that once your weight lose is complete you will send him to the pound?

Hugs

Pits are wonderful dogs with a bad rap. If she's a mix, chances are she'll look more like a lab than anything.

Give him time.

Personally, I'd tell him to quit being a :censored: and be honest with me. Either he trusts you to pick out an animal (since you've done well the last times) or he doesn't, but he doesn't get to give you the "go ahead" and then whine and moan when you do it.

I'm sorry for the loss of your dog! :hug:

Well, to be clear, this dog is my dog. I hike a lot in the spring/summer/fall and also backpack. He doesn't do these things. So the dog is for my companionship while I do these things- often alone, as he doesn't join me. And of course for companionship at home- I am a total pet lover and make a point to spend time with them. I'm fine when he ends up liking my pets, but there's never any question that they are mine. He will take absolutely no responsibility for their medical care or anything else that inconveniences him. He doesn't even take care of his own dog (a 16 year old lab that he had from before I met him) beyond feeding her and letting her go outside to go potty. If she has a medical issue, I invariably have to take her to the vet and he will show up to pay the bill. I was stunned when he said my last dog was the "best dog he ever had" but he never shed a tear over his death or even seemed affected by it. I do think he really likes the cat, but he's not like me in that respect. Even when he likes an animal, he doesn't grieve when they die. He says they're not people, and he doesn't get emotionally attached to them. He doesn't understand why I do.

My SO, or the animal? LOL

Neither would occur. I was thin when I met my SO and gained 90 lbs and now have lost nearly 50. He's stuck with me through thick and thin, literally. I wouldn't leave him just because I got skinny again.

And my pets have homes for life. I never get rid of one, for any reason. They're my babies.

Have you sat down with him to specifically talk about the mixed messages he's sending and why it bothers you so much to see him change his stance so negatively?

I'm sure you already know this, but the bad pit bull stigma is due to poor care and deliberately aggressive/negative training from the owners, which will not be an issue in a loving home such as yours. I imagine he's just not happy with adjusting to a new pet for whatever reason and is looking for any excuse to nitpick as way to vent. Maybe he resents the time and attention a new pet requires from you? Maybe he feels it's taking something away from him?

I think it is okay to have your "own" pet, and also for your SO. As long as each person takes care of their animal, and both people generally like animals, it can work. Hubby has a German Shelhard, and while I like him, he isn't "mine" the way my two silly Japanese Chin are. If something is going on that prevents him from feeding the shepherded, etc, will do it, but we really do sort of "divy up" the pets.

That being said, ditto the idea of laying it on the table and asking exactly how he feels about pets. Maybe he is upset that he didn't have more say about the new dog.

First off, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your German Shepherd mix so recently, and so close to the holidays. That's hard.

Good luck with this situation - it sounds like it might settle down as in the past, but how frustrating to have to endure it. Maybe if he's concerned about the pit part, show him how they used to be the nanny dogs - they were the ones that people had around their babies/small children to watch over them. Sounds like you've given it a while, about 5-6 weeks since the passing of your dog, so it doesn't seem so speedy... no advice, just hugs and a hang in there.

And kudos to you for already planning to train her, work with her - she'll get plenty of loving from plenty of folks, I suspect :)

It IS quite passive aggressive for him to do that. Does he do that with everything or just with the pet thing?

By the way, I, too, am sorry for the loss of your dog. Your new dog sounds like such a lovey and it sounds like you have an instinctive knack for choosing animals that end up fitting in well with your home.

He avoids conflict (up front) so yes, he has a tendency to tell me something is fine. And he appears to mean it. And then when I do it, he withdraws and acts angry. Or occasionally goes ahead and gets into a confrontation with me. He waited until I adopted the dog yesterday to tell me he doesn't like pitbulls, rottweilers or dobermans. He never said a word before that, and when I showed him her add I told him flat out she looked like she had pitbull in her. He didn't say anything when I brought her home for her trial period, either. It was only after she was adopted that he said something. He also proceeded to tell me she's ugly, and that his mom (who watched our dogs when we are late or out of town) will never like her.

This is what she looks like. She's not large, she's only 22" at the shoulder and 47 lbs.

http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphoto...00890945_n.jpg

http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphoto...60598008_n.jpg

Yeah, that's a tough one. I mean, after 12 years together it sounds like that's just part of his personality - have you guys ever talked about that or is he willing to try and work on it? Is he afraid of your reaction if he just tells the truth right up front? It's difficult but not impossible to change this behavior (I'm only saying this because I'm terrible at confrontation but have been really working on it and making great strides).

And for the record, your dog is ADORABLE! I can't see how anyone would call it ugly. Seriously! Also, my friend had a pitbull and she was the kindest, most loving gentle dog ever.

She is so beautiful I could cry. She looks so happy and content already, especially holding her tennis ball. Amazing girl.

re:
 

So what does he expect you to do? Take her back? At this point you and the dog have already bonded, so what would be the point of that? Who the heck cares what his MOM thinks?????! Too bad if he thinks she won't like her, that's what boarding kennels are for.

She looks just like a lab to me and so skinny :(

I know- I've been feeding her whopping amounts of food. It's sad to see her backbone and hip bones sticking out like that. She is starting to gain a little weight. :)

Thanks. I think she's beautiful, and so sweet. She's just hardly more than a puppy, also, she's only 16 months old.

This situation is rapidly deteriorating.

I got a text just before the end of my workday from my SO telling me tersely that he is going to watch his son play hockey and to fend for myself for dinner.

Then he texted me that his mother wants to meet my dog a couple of times before she takes care of her on the occasional days where we're gone all day snowmobiling. I had made that exact suggestion yesterday which is when he hit me with how because my dog is a pitbull that his mother will never be comfortable with her and nothing I do will change that. So I wrote him back and said I would make other arrangements and that in the meantime I would just not go snowmobiling and he could just go with his friends. Which is something he normally likes to do, anyway.

So he gets mad at tells me he is frustrated and why am I being this way? So I tell him what I said here- that he saw the ad and didn't object, we brought Mila home for a test run and he didn't object, and he never objected until right up when I formalized her adoption. And I feel blindsided and am angry about the games he's playing.

So he proceeds to criticize how I'm going to raise the dog by saying I'm not going to properly socialize her (hello, we have our first appointment with a professional dog trainer tomorrow and he knows that!) and how the only people who own pitbulls or rottweillers are trailer trash. Oh yes, he went there. And he said he didn't want people to think that about him.

I mean, holy cow. This all just hit me like a whirlwind and I have no idea where it's coming from. But I definitely don't feel better about how things are going, right now, for sure. I mean, where did all this snobbiness and judgmental crap come from?

Men want control. I don't care how old they are or how long you've been with them. They need control. It fuels them. He saw the ad and said sure, beause you were asking his permission (I'm not meaning disrespectful, its healthy to communicate with your SO and get their thoughts.) You're now being faced with him wanting the opposite. To start a feud ? No. To make you feel bad? No. He wants control of the situation.

I think time is the best for this situation. He'll come around. And when he does, make a rational decision of if you want to go through that again (with any subject). Just make sure when he comes around and warms up to the dog, you don't say "HA, i told ya so!". Cause you'll take a step lower than him. Smile and walk away.

She is ADORABLE!!! She looks like she's going to be such a sweetheart...so sorry you have to deal with someone who's giving you a hard time about this at the moment.

Yeah, I seriously doubt this is about the dog. She's absolutely adorable, and to me doesn't even LOOK like a pit bull. Not that it'd be bad if she did, but to me she just looks like a black lab mix. No one is going to look at your dog and think, 'Oh no there's a pit bull!' Kudos to you for rescuing her and :hug: for having to deal with your SO's craziness. Hopefully with time he'll get over it. Until then enjoy your sweet angel!!

ok but she doesnt look like a pit in any way shape or form. she looks like a black lab. why would any neighbor think she was a pit in the first place?
to be honest sounds like jealousy issues. he is either jealous of the love and time you put into the dog, the attachment, or he has control issues and is angry because he couldnt control the situation. ugh im frustrated and it isnt even me! lol just to add, pits are no more aggressive than any other breed. having part pit doesnt add aggression to her gene pool. maybe he should do some research on the breed! the stories of the pits that attack people are usually ones that were bred to be fighter dogs or abused. in some cases they offending dog is 10% pit and media right away headlines it as a pit bull attack, just giving the pit bull a bad name. if anything they are assertive, and psychologically well adjusted as long as they are socialize.

She's very cute and looks quite sweet!

I think the fact that he's making such a huge deal about this after having ample opportunity to protest means it's not about the dog.

I don't have suggestions just :hug:. I hope you're able to work it out in the best way possible. We got a rescue Great Pyr and can't imagine a better dog for our family! Love rescues!

I want to go all the way to Alaska to help you with Mila.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I don't think it has anything to with the dog though, I think he has something else on his mind and this is his excuse. :(

Here's an angle looking at her straight on in the face. You can see the pitbull from this angle in the shape of her head and her eyes, but yes, in every other respect she looks more like a lab except for she has very short coat. She still loves to get wet like a lab, though!

And everyone, thanks for your support. This has been very upsetting. The one good thing is my SO is being nice to the dog. So I think you all or right- this is not about the dog. I don't know what it is about because I can't think of anything I've done lately to tick him off besides get the dog but he is being nice to her. He even plays with her, which she loves because he will play rougher with her than I will and she enjoys playing rough.

http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphoto...66338407_n.jpg

I think she's beautiful! I've got two lab mixes myself. :)

OMGosh! First thank you so much for adoping, especially a dog with pit bull in her! I have a soft spot for pit bulls!

I have a pit/lab cross named Lucy, who is the sweetest dog ever and keeps us constantly smiling. I also have a pure pit bull named Liberty who is my best friend! She is really up there in age, and I already know I will adopt another pit bull or pit mix in the future.

Give him time. He may be missing the dog you lost, and this is how it manifests for him.

In the mean time, enjoy such a sweet looking pup! And again, thank you for being an adopter!!!

:)

Is there a chance he's having a hard time expressing his grief over the dog that passed away, and that is why he's acting this way?

Just give him time. There don't seem to be very many options.