What follows is a real conversation:
 

The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Her husband was diagnosed with a cholesterol of 220 in June 2012. In late November 2012, it was down to 140. His wife was in charge of his diet.

It all changed when he went to Cheezeburger Cafe with his co-workers.

jenteacups79: I have worked TOO damn hard for you to do this ****
Husband : yeah was just one single patty burger in 4 months...
jenteacups79: downward spiral.
jenteacups79: It starts off as a single patty, pretty soon I'll find you in alleyways chasing the dragon with cheese doodles and cheese covered pretzals.
jenteacups79: then you'll move up to pies...then cakes...
jenteacups79: then you'll have to go to a rehab...get kicked out for smacking a supermodel or something for her cosmic brownie..
jenteacups79: be back snorting cheese fries at outback..
Husband: So..I shouldn't admit it was a double with bacon?
jenteacups79: downward. spiral. Dude. Downward. Spiral.

Yea. I freaked out a little bit. But seriously? He was so happy that his cholesterol was down. And this is an occurance that happens so often when he goes out with them! Whole platters of chicken nachos covered in cheese and sour cream..whole plates of kebabs with tahini...I just wish he would control himself when there's peer pressure and not rely on me 100% to make him his meals at home when he can't do it when he's out.

re:
 

I assume that's you and your husband by the last paragraph.

Does he know how to eat healthy when you're not around? If you're making all his meals for him, perhaps he's not equipped to make the correct choices when he's out? What happens when the two of you are out together instead of him and his coworkers?

BTW, that crazy history channel guy in your avatar is mr. awesome.

Lol, yea it is my husband. And ya know...I never did think that he might not know. He works from home most of the week and the rest of the time he's with me. When we're out, he copies what I order word for word.

I think you're on to something. He doesn't know what's healthy and what isn't because -I've- been doing everything for him.

Maybe I should have him help me cook some meals? Talk to him about how important his health is to me and that I want him to be healthy and as happy as he was when he learned how low his cholesterol is -every- day.

It really does break my heart when he sabotages himself.

I'm sorry, but I had to laugh...

But seriously, you need to smack him upside the head. He can make better choices, even with peer pressure.

Good luck!

haha, that sounds very frustrating. I hate "preaching" to my father, but he seriously makes the worst decisions, even after the doctor has warned him.

Your husband is very lucky to have you.

I don't get it. I get the humor but I don't get what is wrong with eating a double bacon cheeseburger and fries?

I have double cheeseburger (or two) and fries a couple times a month and I'll put my blood test up against anyone's.

????

He doesn't just stop there. Today he texted me saying that they had gone out for breakfast and he had 4 eggs, bacon, home fries AND a bowl of biscuits and gravy.

It's like a week long binge until he works from home again and then I'm expected to fix or undo what he's done.

There would be NOTHING wrong with a bacon cheeseburger and fries if it was every once in awhile. But it's every other week!

ETA:

Just saw your reply to John. So uh, nevermind half of what I wrote. It sounds like he's deluding himself.

I think you did a good thing by reminding him that eating food like that can become a downward spiral - and in a funny way; however, I agree with John. Having one "bad" eating day out of four months is really pretty amazing. I don't see anything wrong with eating a double bacon cheeseburger once every little while as long as your general eating/exercise habits are good. I think expecting him not to eat food like that every once in a while is way more detrimental to general weight loss and health. Why I have been here for two years (and have still not met goal weight) is because I held myself up to such levels of perfection. I couldn't keep it up, and when I failed, I just spiraled and regained.

What I think would be frustrating though is what you said about feeling like you have to be his food nanny. My boyfriend has sugar issues. He is not that overweight, but his whole family, not just immediate, has sugar issues of some sort regardless of weight. He got a reality check about eight months ago when he was declared a type II diabetic and put on medication at the age of 29. He has now lost 30 pounds, and he no longer would have to be on any form of medication, though his doctor is keeping him on it for a short period longer. I worry about him, of course, but I have never felt the need to be his food police. He makes very good decisions on his own, and I don't feel like he relies on me for keeping his good health. He takes his own health seriously; however, when he wants to make the odd stop at Dairy Queen for a mini blizzard, I don't take it as a sign that the end is nigh. Even when he has a whole "bad" week, I have enough faith in him to feel like he'll level back out.

So, I think maybe it would help if you tried to have a little more faith in him? Unless he's deluding himself constantly about his eating habits, that is. If he is okay with the decision, then maybe try to have faith that he is aware of his decisions and their consequences. I know it's so natural for you to worry, but he has to make these decisions for himself, and it doesn't sound like he's doing badly. That is, if this is really the first time he's had a "bad" meal in four months.

Yes he is and he and I are having a talk about this when I pick him up from the airport tomorrow.

We're a team and one part of that team is struggling and he doesn't have to. There's always compromises and I'm sure together we can handle this away from home binging.

Maybe that's it? He's away from home and he doesn't want to be. So just like I eat emotionally, he does too?

Or maybe he feels his home is his prison and his wife is the food police prison guard?

wow. that stung.

He didn't want to go on Lipitor and asked me to help him avoid that. So I did. How does that make me the villain in this scenario?

That came out sounding really assholish, which was not my intent.

I dunno, it seems like he dug this hole for himself by asking you to monitor his food and cook for him at home. There have been 500000 threads on 3FC where people say "my bf is trying to be the food police" or "how can I help my sister lose 200 lbs" and the advice is always unanimously "let them do it themselves, don't be the food police even if they ask you to be," or "wtf he shouldn't be the food police." If you went away and had a binge episode how would you feel if your husband chastised you - even if you asked him to it would probably hurt wouldn't it?

Not really, he has chastised me several times about my food choices and it really helped me not sabotage myself and see that I was more important than a weak moment.

He's an adult, and there's chili cheese fritos in the house, mozzerella sticks and pizza bites. I don't monitor him -all- the time, he's an adult and I expect him to make decisions. I just make the majority of meals. Snacking is all him.

But when he leaves home...it's as if he forgets he doesn't want to be on cholesterol and blood pressure medicine. It's as if he forgets he as a heart murmur. He just follows the crowd and that's what hurts.

Ah ok. I guess you have a thicker skin than I do - someone saying "should you be eating that" would make me get all "FINE I'll just eat it when you're not there to tell me what to do."

I got confused by the whole 100% reliance on you thing - my bad - how often is he away? Is he treating it like a vacation or what? I hope he eventually realizes moderation is not deprivation.

He's generally away one week out of the month, sometimes more. He's an offsite network engineer for a computer company, so 99% of the time, he can work from home, but sometimes he'll need to travel out of state to the head office for meetings or what not and apparently most of them do treat it like a vacation. He's complained about it a few times, but seems to just follow the crowd and eats what they do. But my question is, if he doesn't like it, and he complains about it, why be the lemming?

I do have a pretty thick skin..I guess it comes with people yelling at me about their computers all day and working retail and being a waitress. I tend to see the best in what people are trying to say and do and not get easily offended.

And I really hope so too. I don't want him to find out the consequences of bad diet and habits like I had to before it's too late. I love him too much for that to happen.

If it helps, we've been married since 1998. So we're pretty in tune to each other's feelings/habits/needs..but this one throws me for a loop. But I think it's peer pressure.

Well, I travel for work and I still have a problem when I am traveling and sticking to my "plan."

I hate to say it, but peer pressure is part of it. If he's hanging out with a bunch of guys who are going out for drinks before heading off to dinner and they order three big plates of nachos, what is he going to do? Order a little salad? They'll make fun of him! (Or maybe they won't...?)

But I feel it and as a woman, I'm "allowed" to be on diets and such things... I can't imagine being a guy in that environment. The men I work with tend to be conscientious about their food intake, but this is their plan -- eat like pigs when we are traveling and then come home and run it off and eat healthy at home. One of my coworkers does that... he eats salads from home, but will eat the big rib and steak dinner when we're traveling!

So, your husband CAN do that, but then he has to be super strict about how he's eating at home. And if he's traveling two weeks one right after the other, then he has to figure out how to balance it.

Internally for me, I had to also realize that just because I could now eat out (rather than at home) it wasn't going to be a free for all. I could eat this food any time I wanted to... not just when I traveled and it took some of that "need" to pig out when I was traveling.

I also learned to take snacks with me and yes, I would order the steak dinner, but for me, since I eat paleo, I would just avoid the breads and desserts in order to be in "compliance."

The other thing I started doing was taking work out clothes with me and working off some of those calories. It takes discipline, but what I discovered is that my coworkers would also be at the gym with me early in the morning burning off their own food hangovers!

It is a bunch of guys and they made fun of him once when he ordered a turkey burger with no mayo and no cheese on a wheat bun. Called him a sissy. Peer pressure is definately what's driving this now that I remember that conversation.

He shouldn't care about that though. Are those guys going to be in the hospital with him? No. Are they going to have to take his medication? No. Do they have to work off their meals? Probably, but I doubt they will.

Ugh WTF!!! Cause you know, high cholesterol and dying decades before you would with a healthy diet is totally manly. What about providing for your loved ones and being a strong protector type? Those man-boys need to prioritize.

Boys. They never learn until it's too late. It's not Super Mario Bros where you get 1ups.

Peer pressure is an excuse to do what he wanted to do anyways.

But ya - if I was with a bunch of guys and one of us ordered a turkey burger he would get razzed.

Like what?

Guy 1: "I'd like a turkey burger"
Guy 2: "Hurhurhurhur are you a faaaaaag"

or what?

http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rolling.gif
I am DYING right now, because I know guys who would say that.

But people care. I know full-grown adults who still care what other people think about them. My best friend -- a MAN, older than me -- who desperately cares what other people think about him. Yes, that makes him a great friend too, cares about others and all that jazz, but he still does.

And ****, I do, otherwise, really, why do I get dressed in the morning?! lol...:dizzy:

Absolutely, it is an excuse, but it's still hard... I wouldn't have gained weight or lost it so slowly if that wasn't a part of it!

But it doesn't help when people make fun either! A lot of the times you being "good" is taken personally....

It's sad that the man can't order a turkey burger. Why can't a turkey burger be manly slathered in onions and bbq sauce?!

This goes just along with what I've been saying all along. 1. Men have no filters. 2. Dude logic isn't actual logic.

And he did text me a menu of where they're going for dinner tonight and told me to pick out something for him. So I did a steak with no butter or oil, steamed broccoli and a baked potato. That's manly, right?? He'll probably get picked on because real men eat sticks of butter and then rip their shirts on their muscles! Rawr!

BROCCOLI IS FOR GIIIIIRLS, but seriously going by the logic his friends apparently exercise, the only way to be manly is to need assistance tying your shoes and finding your "manhood" under a beer belly. Steak and potatoes is probably a good option. I always get a big steak and double or triple veggies when I go out!

I do too, or fish if I can see the ocean.

Hopefully when he gets home tomorrow he'll get back on track. He said he wants to run on the treadmill and lift some weights and have a salad lol.

re:
 

I suspect what is really going on is ALL of the team members only wish they could order turkey burgers, but none wish to be the first to do it....

Seriously though I have a somewhat similar thing going on with my husband. He just started a new job about 3 months ago at a company where he now goes out with a group of guys every day for lunch. People also have a tendency to bring in stuff constantly to snack on. He's lost over 100lbs in the last three years as well. I never ask things that make him feel good or bad regarding food at work, however I am interested in how he's doing with maintaining, so I'll ask things like, "did someone bring in cupcakes again today" to which he'll give the answer and usually how he responded to it. I do my best to not give a positive or negative reaction to what he says.

I suppose that's happening because he lost the weight before I did, yet NEVER commented on how badly I was eating. I really appreciated that, as I hate to be lectured to. (don't we all?!) I was motivated by what he was doing and eventually it followed through to me. We still don't comment on each others food, and find that works best for us.

You really can't force someone into making a healthy change until they are ready. Ready may not even be them asking for help. Hopefully, your husband will really start to see the results of the effort you're making with your health and the switch will finally kick on.

In my opinion though, I would try to let him make the good and bad choices himself without any negativity from your end.

It's not even weight loss with him, it's blood pressure/cholesterol control. He's actually a normal weight.

It's more helping him reinforce decisions he might already know, but never practiced.

Pretty much but it doesn't happen so much with two guys. More like 4-5 guys.

Guy 3: "Yea haha don't forget a salad with the dressing on the side"

Guy 4: "Hey later do you want to go grab some Cosmos? bahahaha"

Guy 5: "You're looking a little bloated is it that time of the month for ya?"

Guy 1: "Don't be angry because when I look down I can actually see my _____"

We call this male bonding.

See your what? What can you see?!

Male bonding via ball-breaking is pretty hilarious. I totally get it.