Hi All,

I wanted to say a couple things.

First, I didn't feel that I couldn't talk about marriage any further to my man. I just felt that if I kept bringing it up, he would feel pressured and that was the last thing I wanted - to have an "obligation engagement".

Second, I want to thank all of you for the responses. Your post helped to encourage me to inquire one more time. I guess I just needed some support (or a boot in the backside) to motivate.

Third, with that said, I did ask last night if we were ever going to get married. He said, "Well, I've thought about it a few times. But, I'm just not sure about our jobs." I told him that no one is ever sure of their job and he said that that is true. That was the end of the conversation, but that's all the information I need.

Anyway, once again, I thank you.

Ms Shapen

I feel like what does it matter about your jobs? I feel like he can give you some sort of sign and assurance he wants to marry you, that way you can actually make an adult choice about a job that works for both of you. It seems he's avoiding it, majorly avoiding it

I admired you because of 8 years of love but your problem now is your partner. It seems that he does not want to get married to you or he has his own problems and he has not good condition for marriage yet. Why don't you speak frankly with him?I know your difficulties,but if he decides to not marry you, what do you do?Have you ever heard "stand on my two own feet"???Take care :)

I think you should think about what's best for you. The truth is, men are logical and logically speaking, there is really no reason to be married. You've been living like married people do and he probably loves you like you're his wife already, why shell out the extra bucks for a ring and a ceremony? That's how a lot of men think. It usually doesn't take a man long to know whether or not he wants to marry a woman and if 8 years has gone by and there is still not even a proposal, he really doesn't want to get married.

There is no need for an ultimatum. You've told him several times that you want to get married, and he knows that you could be living a better quality of life in another city, yet he won't marry you, nor will he set you free. He's being selfish and only looking out for his best interest. You need to look out for yours.

Thedollylala: Our conversation was the sign - that we want different things.

Sinus: I have been on my own two feet for several years now. I live with him, but he doesn't take care of me financially. I'll just continue to do that. Umm . . . take care of myself, I mean.

DisappearingActs: Some men do think that way. Some women think completely opposite. Go figure. I am looking out for me. At least I'm trying. Still searching for that elusive higher-paying job. Just received my notary license (hopefully to help get that job). Am starting to update my skills.

We'll see how it works out.

Thanks a bunch, ladies,
MS

I've had this talk before.

After 7 years I said, "Look, I'm not getting any younger. You've got til the end of the year to figure your sh*t out and decide what you want. If you still have questions after 7 years we've got bigger problems that I ever thought."

He proposed Christmas morning and we've been married for 2 years. Sometimes putting it all out there isn't a bad thing. :)

SoMuchFattitude: I kinda like that tactic. It's not really an ultimatum. It's more of a p!ss-or-get-off-the-pot motivation. LOL

Originally Posted by Ms Shapen:
Thedollylala: Our conversation was the sign - that we want different things.

Sinus: I have been on my own two feet for several years now. I live with him, but he doesn't take care of me financially. I'll just continue to do that. Umm . . . take care of myself, I mean.

DisappearingActs: Some men do think that way. Some women think completely opposite. Go figure. I am looking out for me. At least I'm trying. Still searching for that elusive higher-paying job. Just received my notary license (hopefully to help get that job). Am starting to update my skills.

We'll see how it works out.

Thanks a bunch, ladies,
MS

but you aren't taking care of yourself. You put yourself at an economic disadvantage in order to be with him. Now you are just trying to make up that disadvantage.

To me it sounds like he is avoiding answering you properly. Tell him you want a definate answer about the future.

I understand you might not have talked about it before you got serious, but it's been 8 years, people change. Circumstances change.

If it were me, I would demand he talk to you about it and find out what he intends.

Also if it's just money and security he is worried about, decide if that matters to you and let him know. My husband was unemployed when we got married and couldn't offer me any security, because he just immigrated to Australia to be with me and didn't have permission to work. I didn't care. I loved him, not his money.

So you need to decide what your priorities are, find out what his are and make a decision.

Why can't you ask him?? Point blank or romantically, either way.

My husband is super duper practical, and he wanted to wait to get engaged until we were in the perfect place, at the perfect time, financially perfect, etc, etc, etc. turns it he was just pressured to have it be so darn perfect, that when I just said, "hey...wanna get married?" He was relieved and BAM...engaged.

Ask him. If he says no, or puts you off...then you have your answer.