What are your views on fat acceptance?
 

...and Health At Every Size, etc. A basic summary: The movement to show there's nothing wrong with being fat, that big can be beautiful and healthy, and to end the shaming of fat people in the media and everyday life.

I support some of the values the movement has. I do believe that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and that you should try to live as healthy a life as possible no matter how much you weigh. Most importantly, I hate the ridicule that fat people get and the way others brush it off, saying: "Well, they got that way, they deserve it." That's just ridiculous. A person is a person, and nobody deserves to be judged just by the way they look and the weight they're at.

However, there are the health risks that come with being heavier. I'm not going to say that I'm concerned with the health of random fat people I've never met, but they do exist. Even the lifestyle itself is harder, according to I've read on 3FC and in other places.

So what are your thoughts? I'm not going to debate anyone, I'm just curious.

I believe that everyone has the right to feel beautiful and comfortable with who they are, no matter their size. However, the fat acceptance movement is very negative in my mind. It is one thing to love who you are, its another to encourage people to set themselves up for health issues which also put a major strain on our healthcare system just because "being big is beautiful".

I know that most bigger people say that they are healthy has a horse. However, at least from person experience, its far from the truth. Most of these people have not been to the doctor to get tested for the problems associated with weight issues.

No one should ever be ashamed for who they are and everyone should atleast some of the time feel beautiful in their own skin, but the fat acceptance movement is not the way to encourage it.

I think often dieters and other obese people can be the harshest critics of the overweight/obese (I've been there, on both ends). I'm glad you brought that up because it's especially important that we are the ones who support movements like this.

I don't think shaming people is good but I don't think the fat acceptance movement is a positive thing either. Accepting that you are drastically unhealthy is very negative when you could be making changes to your lifestyle instead of just accepting a bad situation. I know that heavier people can sometimes be quite healthy but I think, for the most part, they aren't and it should never be accepted. They just shouldn't be treated badly for it either.

If I had never encountered FA rhetoric, I firmly believe that I'd weigh more than 500 lbs and would be in a wheelchair (if I was mobile at all).

I joined FA after finding the magazines Radiance and BBW (the former being a fat-activism magazine and the latter being a plus-sized fashion magazine). I didn't agree with all the rhetoric, but I was quite compelled by the research and argument that traditional dieting contributed far more to weight gain than to weight loss.

Eventually I gave up dieting entirely and focused on eating healthy food, when I felt hungry, and just as the FA articles in Radiance predicted, my weight stabilized. Although finally going onto birth control also helped significantly, but I wouldn't have gone onto birth control either, if it weren't for FA rhetoric either. I had suffered severe PMDD since my first period in 4th grade at age 9 or 10. From the age of 12, doctors had been telling me that birth control "might" control the symptoms, but that weight gain was the most significant risk. Before I encountered FA rhethoric, I saw "fat" as so evil, that I was willing to put up with insane rage and wish-for-death pain because it "couldn't be worse" than gaining weight. Ironically, the birth control nearly eliminated the rabid-hunger I experienced every month (that was responsible for most of my weight gain over the course of my lifetime).

Ironically, if I hadn't been so afraid of fat - , so afraid of risking weight gain, I probably could have gotten my weight under control in middle-school.


In FA, I also encountered the idea that my fat didn't make me lazy, crazy, stupid, or selfish. It just made me fat, and that wasn't a sin, a crime, or an unforgiveable weakness of character. It was just fat.

And for the first time I also encountered the idea that I deserved to have a full, rich, and rewarding life NOW, not just when/if I lost the weight - and that furthermore it wasn't my responsibility to protect decent-folk from the sight of my fat.

I had the right to be in public, I had the right to be active and enjoy myself in public, and I even had the right to bare my fat flesh to wear comfortable clothes, and (most shocking of all) actually had the right to swim in a swimming suit without covering myself with a heavy t-shirt that made swimming uncomfortable. I had the right to swim, dance, even sing and draw attention TO myself, and I deserved love, and respect while doing so. And I deserved a love life too, if I wanted one - and not all men were disgusted at the sight of me.

And not only did I have a RIGHT to all these great things, women and men just like me, were actually doing all these great things. I read articles showing men and women of all shapes and sizes of fat, being active, and doing things that I thought fat folks weren't able (or supposed to do). Horseback riding, swimming, kayaaking, mountain climbing.... my fat didn't have to stop me from doing any of it.

I actually CRIED when I read an article about a 300+ pound woman horseback riding, because when I was in 5th grade (so about 10 or 11) my mother wouldn't let me go horseback riding with my girlscout troup because I "would swayback the horse." I weighed a little over 200 lbs at the time.

I really thought I was too heavy for a horse.

Learning to live my life to the fullest, and to focus on eating healthy and exercising without obsessing about the number or how fast (or whether) I was losing.

If I had felt that health and exercise was more important than weight loss, I never would have taken insane health risks to lose weight. If I had focused on the healthy habits and not on the number on the scale, I would have had greater success, much earlier.... if only I had seen eating healthy and exercising as ways to reward and pamper my wonderful, amazing self - instead of punishments I deserved for the unforgiveable crime of being fat.

And I know that, because when I DID see eating healthfully and being active as ways to pamper myself, and when I DID focus on maintaining the healthy changes more than on the exact number, I did start making health improvements that eventually led to weight loss. But for me, the self-respect had to come first. The refusal to believe (as our culture often teaches us) that I was a disgusting, worthless mess no matter how much success I had in other areas of my life.

I wouldn't have met and married my wonderful husband (who doesn't prefer overweight women, but did date through many of the FA and BBW websites, because the women there were less judgemental of his weight issues).

I still would have found the courage to swim, because I always loved to swim - but I would not have learned to swim when I wanted to, rather than only swimming when the pool was going to be the least crowded so people wouldn't have to be disgusted by my ginormous fatness.

I wouldn't have bought a bicycle (I can only ride it on very good days, because of balance and joint problems), but the experience was tremendous anyway, and it inspired me to start saving for an adult tricycle, so that I can ride it until I can ride the bike (and maybe I never will, but at least now I'm not so ashamed of myself that I wouldn't be caught dead on a bicycle - let alone a tricycle).

If I hadn't discovered FA, I would still think that I deserve to be hated and punished, and I wouldn't have felt as if I deserved any better. When you hate someone, it's difficult to want to do nice things for that person - even when the person is yourself (maybe especially when it's yourself).

If I didn't think I deserved everything that life had to offer, I would have continued to punish myself with crash diets until I couldn't stand the pain anymore I'd console (not reward) myself with food - and food (and books) would be the only comfort I had in my life.

I won't go back to having nothing but food in my life, because I thought I didn't deserve more. And the scariest part of this to me, is that I never thought that I thought those things. I thought I had self-confidence, and self-esteem. I always thought "Hey, I'm pretty fabulous for a fat-chick,"

... but to really succeeed I had to learn to realize there is no qualifier. I'm not pretty fabulous for a fat-chick, I'm just simply pretty fabulous.

And fabulous people deserve to do the best for themselves. And that's why I'm succeeding now, because I'm not exercising and changeing my diet to punish the worthless, disgusting me. I'm doing it to pamper the fabulous me.

And I can thank FA for making me realize that I am fabulous and worthy now, not just "some day when I get thin."

I am not personally a fan of the movement at all, I find it kind of obnoxious. That said, it's actual stated goals aren't objectionable, but my opinion of it is neutral to negative, even though I have always had a good body image and not loved or accepted myself (or others) less at any particular size.

I find most advocacy groups incredibly annoying.

Even though I'm neutral on the movement, that was a beautiful post, kaplods. I'm so happy to hear that you see yourself in a new light when most of the world is against you.

That's really the part of the FA movement I support, to be honest.

I'll admit until reading Kaplods post I was anti FA movement because the few people I know are quite obnoxious about it dispite knowing that you can be quite healthy and also overweight.

At this point I'll consider myself FA neutral.

I always view advocates as espousing and holding a viewpoint to its farthest point so other people don't have to. I don't judge the movement based on its outliers. Basically, I'd rather be "Fat rocks!" than "Fat sucks!" Unless there stories pop up of FA high school students mocking thin students in gym class, I'll support the FA movement. Although it's not like I'm gonna donate money to them.

Like Kaplods, the fat acceptance movement was beneficial to me.

I found it and realized that hey, I'm a person and I'm beautiful; it doesn't matter if Im fat. I gained 1000x more confidence and that eventually led me to where I am today.

I would also NOT have the career I do, without the fat acceptance movement, and if there is something I was created to do on this Earth it was teach children with special needs. Without the confidence I gained from the movement there is no way I would have made it through grad school and student teaching. I probably wouldn't have even tried!

However, the move's anti-dieting (and in some cases extreme anti-dieting) approach really turned me off. I remember reading a blog when I was new to the movement and it talked about people who lost weight. The writer said they would never congratulate a person on their weight loss and if asked why they would say that the person was simply trying to fit in with society and implied it was a very negative thing.

I remember thinking: "If the movement is about health at every size, then why can't a person willingly choose to change their size?"

It's one of the things that really bothers me about MOST of the FA movement: they can be healthy at their size but if you try to lose weight then you're EVIL EVIL EVIL and just giving into society's pressures. I don't know; if someone wants to be thin then I think that's their prerogative...it doesn't change anything about anyone else.

I DO know of some bloggers that take a similar stance to mine in that: hey it's your body, do whatever the **** you want with it but leave me alone.

I think THAT'S the view that most of us should take unless we're truly talking about serious health problems...I don't understand why so many of us are invested in how other people's bodies work!

I've lost some friends because I was FA and now I'm thin, but I stressed to my friends that my losing weight wasn't changing any of my views or reflecting on them; I just wanted to do it (and even now if you ask me I cannot give you a straight answer). I am healthier though; I hardly ate vegetables before and I ate with wild abandon. Learning about portion sizes, eating more real foods than not, and lifting heavy have helped me become a healthier person—I just happened to drop a lot of weight in the process.

The reason I dropped out of NAAFA was the anti-loss rhetoric. As if losing weight (even unintentionally) was an unforgiveable betrayal.

This isn't relegated to just fat acceptance groups though. In the deaf community (I should say in a segment of the deaf community), surgically correcting deafness (whether in an adult, child, or infant) can be just as controversial. Even HAVING a hearing child can be seen as a disappointment rather than a blessing.

I think such a counter culture stance is a factor of feeling so vilified, rejected and discriminated against, that anything at all like the majority-culture ends up being villified as well. "If my culture and the majority of people in it vilifies, rejects and discriminates strongly against me, I will vilify, reject, and discriminate against the culture and anyone who sides with the majority.

It's stupid, but it's very human, but it's one of the reasons I didn't renew my NAAFA membership (way back in the late 90's) and stopped reading most of the FA literature. It was not only the group's fringe anti-thin message, but the conflict of interest in the organization. NAAFA and other FA groups, are closely affiliated with the BBW/BBM dating and hook-up websites.

The idea is great on the surface, but not so much in practice (because of the tacit and sometimes overt support of fat and feeder fetishes). How much respect would the NAACP have gotten or deserved, and how much social advancement would the civil rights movement have made, if the NAACP sponsored events and a dating-service that encouraged (or even just overlooked) the fact that old, racist, white guys were using the service to find and sexually-exploit young black men and women.

I don't know if NAAFA still encourages and accepts the pro-feeding and fat-fetish behavior, but I became very uncomfortable with that aspect of the movement. That and bigotry and double standards as worse or more than the majority culture dishes out. Encountering extremely fat women who wouldn't date fat men, or men who weren't absolutely gorgeous because they didn't have to. There are a lot more men who are attracted specifically to fat women than women (of any size) who are attracted to fat men (especially very fat men).

The feeder fetish folks disturbed me the most (the idea that fat is so sexy that getting fatter and fatter is a wonderful goal, and any weight loss intentional or otherwise is akin to treason).

The hostility and lack of acceptance for the members who were fat, but "not fat enough." The mildy overweight person (especially of the female gender - because thin fat-admirers were accepted) often were targets of abuse (or at the very least, completely ignored).

I think the dating and sexual aspect, especially the acceptance of the feeder and fat fetishes and the attitude that "only very fat people are cool" diminishes and even destroys the credibility of the group, and even worse it diminishes the ideals that the group espouses - acceptance for all people, regardless of shape and size (and that even SHOULD mean the people who CHANGE their size, intentionally or not).

When I joined, I thought the extremists and thin-bigotry were confined to the minority fringe, but when I found that the extreme opinions and hypocritical beliefs/actions were quite common (or maybe just more vocal and showy about it), that left a bad taste in my mouth. I couldn't rationalize suporting the organization (except by occasionally buying the magazines, until the hypocricy and bigotry started filtering in them as well.

I still wish I could find a decent plus-sized fashion and lifestyle magazine. It was so inspirational to see beautiful fat women, in beautiful clothes (even if I couldn't afford most of them) and read about fat people doing amazing things - while still fat (not just after they lost 150 lbs). I liked the HAES articles advocating healthy behavioral changes - articles on eating whole foods, and exercising, and articles about athletic fat folk, with practical tips for those of us who weren't yet capable of being that athletic.

It's nice to feature an article about a 350 lbs horsewoman, competitive swimmer, or decathalon competitor, but without practical advice on how to begin down the path to a more active lifestyle, it's not much different than being pro-weightloss without giving practical advice. The theory is often useless without some guide to it's practice.

Same with the HAES movement. It's great to tell folks "health at every size is possible," or "even if you can't lose weight, you CAN be healthy, without advice on how to get started, you might as well have said nothing, because some people believe that health is an accident of luck. That some folks are healthy and others are not. And that attitude hurts both thin and fat people.

One thing I do like about the HAES rhetoric that I've read, is that healthy behaviors are strongly encouraged - for both thin and fat people. The couch potatoes (both the fat ones and the thin ones) are encouraged to get off the couch and start moving. Eating more whole foods and fewer junk is recommended for everyone.

The idea is that if all of your behaviors are healthy, and you work at optimal health (rather than a specific number on the scale), the weight will take care of itself - your body will gravitate to a healthy weight for you (which may be bigger or smaller than is normally considered healthy).

Believing this does keep me motivated to continue making healthy changes. If the weight loss stops, I will continue making healthy changes, not in order to lose weight, but in order to continue making health improvements.

The biggest disservice we do fat folk in our culture, is perpetuating the belief that only making it to goal weight counts for anything. Being a little fat is often seen as being no worse than being super, morbidly obese. If we can't be thin (or think we can't) then we might as well get to eat whatever we want, at least until we decide to "start over."

If you read the articles in popular women's magazines (until recently) you would conclude that making small changes to your diet and exercise were virtually pointless (remember when they told us that we had to exercise for at least 30 minutes to get any benefit at all, probably because they weren't measuring for small improvements, just huge ones in health or weight loss).

Small changes, small results... NOT no results.

I had bad experiences with FA. I was on a FA forum and it seemed like 95% of the ppl there were 400+lbs and were pushing others to be. I had one guy tell me I will never be sexy because I was at the time only 335lbs..only. It was a topic on wear to buy clothes and he randonly popped in and said that LOL. He wasn't the only person on the FA with those views, it was mostly only ppl that are so big that can no longer walk are worth talking too or awknowleding because anyone under 400lbs is a sheep trying to be anorexic. One girl had a bunch of ppl pressuring her so hard to gain weight she started packing on the lbs, a girl that was like 18 yrs old, she gained 200+lbs for their pressure. By the time I left the sight out of sheer disgust at their attitudes she was pushing 450. There were ppl on that site that were so big their husbands and children had to do everything for them-cook, clean, bathe them, dress them, comb their hair, wheel them around the house, work 2 jobs to buy special size furniture or doctor care for them, they were basically slaves to this other persons fat.

I believe in giving respect to everyone but to believe that being so big you destroy your ability to walk and destroy the lives of those who love you the most, to believe that being so big is so grand that you pressure others to balloon up as well and endanger their lives and forever change their lives. it was insane. If you wanna be 600lbs, fine. but don't make up garbage about it not having negative effects and bring down others with you.

Just wanted to pop in and thank Kaplods for the great posts.

I'd like to point out that even though there are layers of thinness/diet bashing in the FA movement, the feeding and weight gain fetish is another topic entirely. The goal of the FA movement is to promote the acceptance, not the fetishism of fat people.

well the FA forums ive been too certainly included a lot of fat fetishism and ppl using the FA movement to make it okay to be 800lbs and have your family be your slaves because you can't walk or wipe your own behind.

It is mostly fashion, but I love this magazine http://volup2.com/ - it is truly about beauty at any size, shape, etc.

I had a similar experience to kaplods. Finding the FA movement allowed me to shed so much of the self hate and shame I had that I had for myself and was what actually enabled me to get healthy. I finally stopped the cycle of self hated that led to me gaining so much. I am rather conflicted about it in total though because I also find that often it isn't about health and beauty at any size, but rather it is all about being fat. I think like many other things there is a great core message that people then take to extremes and proceed to bash other people over the head with. That part isn't cool.

Statements like these are what made me join NAAFA in the first place - people who "think" they're accepting of a person, while holding the vilest prejudices against them.

You ASSUME that all very overweight folks are eating cheeseburgers and pizza, and wouldn't touch steamed veggies with a ten-foot pole.

And you assume wrong in my case. Before I found and joined NNAFA, I wasn't avoiding exercise and vegetables. Instead, I was trying desperately to diet not just the way "common wisdom" dictated, but I was dedicatedly researching and utilizing the most up-to-date science.

Sad part was that the science AND common wisdom were both wrong.

It sickens me how many people still assume that because I weigh almost 300 lbs (and once almost 400) that I always eat Fast Food (have always hated it), have not been eating fruits and veggies (always have), and have sat on the couch all day (not until I became disabled).

What my life really looked like was having such intense PMS hunger that I felt starved on 5000 calories of whole foods (South Beach eating style) a day. Despite trying to hold to an 1800 calorie diet "that week" by way of white-knuckled willpower, I'd gain so much from that week that I'd have to spend the rest of the month (when the willpower would work) on a very strict diet just to get the PMS/TOM weight OFF - just to break even.

I've eaten what I understood to be a healthy diet, for as long as I can remember. Dessert being an extremely rare treat, no sugared sodas, no fast food (except when I had to resort to it, because of working two jobs, which I usually did unless I was going to school full-time then I only worked one full-time job)...

I ate a lot, because I was hungry 24/7, but I ate mostly whole grains, lots of fruit, lots of vegetables, healthy fats and carbs (though often too much of them). Even close friends and family assumed I must have hidden stashes of candy and chips, because "no one eats THAT healthy and stays fat."

I never gave low-carb diets much of a chance, because all the ones I tried had a super-low carb first phase, like Atkins induction. And at that carb-level, I got extremely sick to the point of passing out, and only carbs would make me feel better (I now recognoze the symptoms as low-blood sugar), but at the time it was proof to me that low-carb was truly as unhealthy and dangerous as everyone said it was.

Turns out the only diet I can control hunger and calories on (especially during "that" week, and even so only if I'm on my birth control) is a moderately low, but not too low, low-carb, virtually grain-free diet. Essentially a paleo diet.

But paleo is still not mainstream science. If I follow the advice of the mainstream scientists, doctors, dietitians and other "experts" as I always did (thinking it was the only responsible thing to do). I fail.

Once I was an adult and cooking for myself, I gained weight on restaurant food during my PMS/TOM (when I felt lousy and didn't want to cook - though it was usually what most people would consider mostly healthy food, except for chocolate which I only even like during my period. I usually chose chinese food, but dishes with lots of veggies or vegetable fried rice. General Tso's chicken was about the worst food I'd choose. I'd order it with extra broccoli, but the broccoli couldn't counteract the breading on the chicken).

What I didn't know was that I was eating far too much fruit and grains. Even though I was eating whole wheat, brown rice, quinoa... the grains were too much.

Ironically, it was my desire to be thin, and the foods I assumed were healthy (because the experts said so) that kept me fat. I had to learn that a combination of a low-carb diet and oral contraception was the ticket to getting control over my weight.

Too bad I learned it after my health and metabolism were trashed from decades of crash dieting (because my doctors were recommending crash dieting to me, not because I was ignoring their advice).

The calorie level I'm now eating just to lose a pound or two a month, is the same caloie level that once netted me weekly losses AVERAGING 5 to 7 lbs.

We encourage overweight people to follow extreme and unsustainable methods of weight loss, while discouraging exercise (at least in public where anyone might see their disgusting bodies in motion) and pushing foods that are believed to be healthy, but often only make the problem of intense hunger worse, and blame them when they fail for being lazy, crazy, stupid, or selfish.

If they're not losing more than two pounds a week, or 2% or more of their body weight, we tell them they're failing (despite the fact that almost no one succeeds at losing this much in the long run), and we tell them they need to do it alone, because fat is so disgusting and taboo, even talking about it is wrong.

There are still fat people who've decided they won't leave their houses, at least not except when they have to, until they lose all of the weight, then they're so lonely, isolated, and despressed because food is the only comfort they have.

And while there are some (but virtually no) fat women who have "decided" to become fat and helpless (it's almost never a conscious decision - rather overeating is a maladaptive stress-coping mechanism). But we don't judge other maladaptive stress-coping in the same way we judge overeating. Despite the fact that it's legal and less harmful to others in comparison to other maladaptive coping mechanisms such as drug and alcohol addiction, sexual addiction, and even gambling, shopping, and hoarding. Those all are addictions our culture has some sympathy for, but obesity and overeating, you're just an out-of-control, disgusting pig.

We're taught that asking for help and using support groups like Weight Watchers, OA, and TOPS is nearly as shameful as being fat in the first place (thankfully that at least is changeing). I joined WW for the first time at 8 years old with my mother, and for decades you almost never saw a man there - because guys aren't supposed to need help. Sadly that's still true. And the women who did go often were so ashamed they couldn't look anyone in the eye, or would admit that no one outside of WW knew they were trying to lose weight or were going to a weight loss group.

Much more common than the person deciding to make their family slaves to their obesity, are "feeder" mates and parents who want their child or loved one to be entirely dependent on them. Sadly some of the feeders will leave their spouse once he or she has become dependent.

The ignorance surrounding obesity is killing us.

re:
 

It's really like any other movement out there - trying to promote "you are worth it" in a world of people telling you that you aren't. Whether it's because you're fat, gay, black or something else, if you are the minority, someone will always be there to tell you that you're worthless.

That particular aspect of the the movement I agree with. Everything else I don't particularly care for.

^^^ This post right here just taught me so much. Thank you, Kaplods.

Well this thread has sure been an interesting read...

I grew up with a friend who was really overweight as a teenager..She was probably about 260-270 pounds and only 5`10 at the age of 16... We were friends and i liked her personality...but she lived every day like the next day she would die..In other words: She ate whatever she wanted and couldnt care less what other people thought about her or about what she ate...I loved her for the fact that she had such a good confidence and self-esteem and being around her, made me feel more able to accept myself..but i admit that even as her friend.. i would mutter under my breath or as i was walking away from hanging out.. i would say : Oh my God... i hope i never get to be as fat at her...She is so fat.

While i can appreciate groups that have an acceptance for fat people and for being fat in general.. I will NEVER have an acceptance for FAT. Yes i even admit to having made fun of fat people behind there backs before, people who were much bigger then me. In fact, this one show i watch: Hells Kitchen..There is a girl on there who is much larger then all the other girls..and i hate her just because she is so fat..

In fact, my ex was 350 pounds when i dated him when i was 17 and i was much much smaller then and watching him eat, made me feel like barfing up my lunch because i felt so guilty about how much HE was eating...I couldnt stand to think that he was eating all that ....

Now before you go `booing` me for being a fat hater. Let me make one thing clear: I HATE myself. I do not love myself. I have no love for my body or being this fat. I will NEVER accept myself as the weight that i am...I used to be really really thin and while i recognize that being the weight i was when i was 16, isnt likely anymore..I know i will never accept me as being fat..I can not stand it!

Let me make another thing clear: I have suffered from eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder... i still suffer from body dysmorphic disorder...The reason why i point these two things out are because i dont think that i have a very healthy perspective on weight in general..Its an area that is very difficult and frustrating and i tend to jump from extreme to extreme with things..I become super obssesive when i start on somthing like weight loss or working out...I have no found balance..and i have not found self-acceptance..

While i love my friends for WHO they are...I can not love them for the size they are. I will not pretend to love someone as a size 26 or whatever...and i say this because i will NEVER love myself at that size either..I dont expect people to be skinny..but i know that I cant accept them at that weight, because i wont and cant accept myself at that weight. I dont ever feel like its right.

As i said earlier..im rather screwed up in the head in terms of diet and exercise and body image and stuff like that...just my 25 cents and how I personally feel...I KNOW for a fact, very few people feel like that.

No doubt this wasn't meant as insensitively or as intentionally hurtful as it came across. Though it was quite shocking to read such an insensitive, overgeneralizing, bigoted and cruel statement made here of all places, or that such thoughts could come from someone who truly understood the actual causes, contributing factors, and impacts of obesity.

Such "well-meant" insensitivity can often be more harmful than the outright hostile abuse, because how can you argue against someone who doesn't realize they're being hurtful, and how can you argue against someone who thinks they "just have your best interests at heart."


Not just some of obesity is caused by burning fewer calories than calories taken in - ALL obesity is caused that way.

The problem is it's a bit like telling a person in poverty that the solution to their poverty is earning more money than they spend.

Some people get a "pass" for taking in more calories than they burn, if they have a bizarre enough health problem. The problem though is these health problems are inivisible, and invisible health problems are generally dismissed by the ignorant as non-existant.

The cultural norm is to assume that most obesity is caused by laziness, craziness, and stupidity - it becomes ok to assume that obese individuals are to blame for their own fate, regardless of their circumstances.

Assuming that "most obesity" is voluntary is bigotry. It's an understandable bigotry, because we're all taught to think that way. We're taught to blame the victim and make assumptions about their irresponsibility (and most of them false, or true but misleading).

Unfortunately, most of what we're taught to think about obesity and its causes is absolutely wrong. I spent over 30 years blaming myself, and following the common-sense and state-of-the-art science, and failed because I didn't understand the mechanism of my own obesity. Even though I put more effort and work into studying weight loss than I did in earning my masters' degree in psychology (which I pursued as much to figure myself out as to help others).

Yes fast food is one of the major contributors to obesity, but it's by far not the only one, and there are billlions of obese folks with no apparent unusual health problems who put herculean effort into weight loss only to fail and fail again, not because of a defect in character, willpower, or effort - but because we've been sold a bill of goods by the diet, medical, AND fast food industries.

But we blame the victim (even when it's ourselves - ESPECIALLY when it's ourselves) and we make it impossibly difficult for a person to reach out for help, because when they do, they face ridicule and condemnation if they can't acheive what we consider "normal" weight loss, even though it's far from normal to lose weight without many mistakes, stalls, and even regains.

If you're not losing at least 2 lbs a week, many doctors will tell you that you must not be committed enough, that you must be cheating, that you're "sabotaging" yourself, even though the average weight loss is far, far smaller than 2 lbs per week, as a culture we've determined that you're failing if you can't achieve this holy grail and litmus test of weight loss.

Some weight loss programs will even drop you from their program if you're not losing fast enough or consistently enough (accusing you of cheating, whether you are or aren't).

And crazily enough, it's actually less socially acceptable to be seen DOING SOMETHING about your obesity than it is to be seen stuffing your face in a restaurant. As a culture, we ridicule the obese, while feeling sympathy for the substance abusers, the financially irresponsible, and sometimes even will justify and sympathize with murder more than obesity.

You can beat your wife and kids and get sentenced to anger management classes (and if substance abuse is invoved, you will be given substance abuse treatment) at the taxpayer's expense, but if you commit the crime of obesity, there is no help for you, because you (unlike the perpetrator of domestic violence?) are entirely responsible for your weight, regardless of your situation.

If you're in poverty, you may only have access to unhealthy foods, foods that increases your hunger exponentially... but you will be condemned if you yield to that hunger... because even if you only had twinkies in the cupboard, you could have eaten one twinkie and could have lost weight (you could have also lost your hair, your gallbladder and your life... but hey weight is more important than all of those things anyway).

It's absolutely ridiculous that 2/3 of Americans are overweight, and yet weight loss support groups are more rare than support groups for schizophrenia, cancer, divorcees, mother's of multiples.

It's sometimes easier to find a birdwatching club than a weight loss support group.

And now with shows like The Biggest Loser, people are starting to believe that losing 15 lbs a week is normal, and anyone can do it.

The unwitting bigotry against obesity is often much more harmful and insidious than the overt. I know the person who calls be "lardo" is an idiot, but the person (sometimes even doctors) who pats me on the back with sympathetic eyes, unknowinglly sticks a knife in my heart by assuming (and often telling me) that all I have to do to lose weight is give up fast food and desserts (which I don't eat on a monthly basis, let alone a daily one), and "eat some steamed vegetables" instead.

This website: justmaintaining.com, sums up my views on this. It's a great read... it's by a woman who has lost and maintained a significant weight loss, but also supports Fat Acceptance.

Being fat as a child/teenager completely messed up my self esteem. To this day, everyone always congratulates me on my weight loss, and it amazes me that I weigh less than 200lbs now and am inching towards being in the 180s, but I still have trouble accepting myself. Someone else said it perfectly in another post; I don't see the weight I've lost -- I still see all the weight I have to lose. I still don't believe I can do certain things because of my size. I still believe I'm too fat for a man to love me. I still think everything about myself, negative or whatever, is somewhat related to my size.

FA wasn't as prevalent when I was younger, at least not where I was. I didn't know about it. I was just happy that some stores carried junior plus sizes and that I could find fashionable clothes in a size 20. I was always ashamed of myself and never lived life because I didn't feel like I was worthy.

FA is helping me now, and it's helping me learn that my size does not define me. I'm much like kaplods, except mine's a bit delayed. I wish I had learned all of this stuff earlier so I wouldn't be so f'ed up in the head and would be able to actually accept myself for who I am and not just see fat when I look in the mirror.