Online dating, meet men now or wait to lose weight?
So I have had some not so good experiences when I was overweight and I put up flattering pics that made me look a little thinner.
Now I have been single for years (which for someone in their 20's is valuable time) and I decided to try online dating again, but this time I am doing the OPPOSITE, but using pics 10-15 lbs bigger than what I am now.
If guys show interest in me, is it worth meeting them? I still feel like a lot of guys who are cute and have nice profiles are waiting on the size 4 to come around. I will be a size 4 in time, so should I meet the guys now or wait?
Hmmm, dilemma. I had a little go with dating sites and I go basically no attention. The difference was thought I feel i won't ever be a small size, like I always going to be quite big so i went on sites for guys who like that.
I think maybe in yourself you don't feel so sure or ready? Regardless of the men, maybe wait 'til you feel happy with the image you put up and feeling confident?
xxx
I'm not sure I understand your question but I'll give you my opinion.
Because online dating gives the illusion that there are a bazillion available options. Thus, putting yourself in a less flattering light is a bad idea.
Since your face is one of the first places you'll lose weight I would just go with current pictures and update them regularly.
All of my dating experiences have been via online. Put genuine pictures of yourself; guys don't like to be deceived. A lot of them don't even care about your weight, but if you lie about it, that says more about you to them than you having a weight problem. To them, it means you have something to hide; some guys will run from that, but other guys pick up on insecurities like that and will try use them to their advantage, aka making you their prey. Don't fall into their trap; just be you and be confident and you'll have a lot more success with the online dating crowd.
Depends on what you think is important, and what you want the guys you date to think is important.
If you're really into the guy fitting the "cute" or "hot" stereotype, the guys who tend to - also tend to be really into their girlfriends fitting the cute or hot stereotype (there are exceptions - but if his good looks are very important to you, it's going to be harder to find a guy to whom, your looks won't matter).
If you're open to dating guys who aren't conventionally attractive, these tend to be the guys who are more open to dating women who don't fit the societal beauty stereotype either. That's not to say there aren't some gorgeous guys who don't mind dating women who aren't conventionally seen as attractive, but your odds are going to be deminished. What you judge the guy by, is usually what he's going to judge you by (that's been my experience anyway).
I've placed several personal ads in my life (even before personal ads were online), and as I matured so did my personal ads. I learned that personality could make a super-hot guy seem butt-ugly, and a butt-ugly guy seem super-hot. Some people thing chemistry has to happen immediately, or it won't happen ever - and that's just not true. If I had relied on chemistry when I met my husband, we wouldn't have ended up together.
The ad I placed through which I met my husband, was one I thought about very carefully. I was nearly at my highest weight, and was dieting. I knew I wasn't going to attract the guys who only dated women who were very thin (and I didn't want to, because I knew I'd probably struggle with my weight to some degree for the rest of my life - and I wanted a guy I dated to be prepared for that). I also didn't want to attract the guys who ONLY are attracted to fat women, especially guys who had such strong preferences that they wouldn't be able to handle me losing weight. I also know that most guys don't particularly like to date dieting women of any size (they see them as "no fun" or they suspect the woman is going to try to change their diet habits too).
It was an interesting dilemma - but I didn't want to put my life on hold until some point in the future that might or might not come. I knew from experience that was the biggest way to kill weight loss plans was to give up all the good stuff in life because I wasn't thin yet. So, what I did choose to do was to be extremely upfront and honest. I listed my weight as around 350 lbs, but that I was dieting and looking for a guy who was in a similar situation or who could be sympathetic to the lifestyle I was trying to live and who could love and support me, regardless of my weight or weight struggles.
I made it clear that I wanted a guy for whom looks wasn't all that important, and likewise made it clear that looks weren't my top priority either.
I would NOT have picked hubby out of a catalog. He looked a bit like a stereotypical "big-biker dude" with long hair and a mustache. His idea of dressing up was trading his t-shirt for a henley. When I saw his picture, I was a little disappointed (not that I found him unattractive, just not my type, as I'd never really bee attracted to facial hair or very long hair - his hair was to his waist. I've also never been a big fan of red hair). But he was so incredibly my type on the phone, that I decided to meet him anyway.
Within a few dates I began to see hubby differently. Instead of my first impression which was "kind of weird, nerdy fat, desk-jockey biker-wannabe who doesn't even have a motorcycle," to "incredibly hot, biker-viking barbarian warrior king."
Be honest with yourself and the people you talk to, I met my fiancé online dating and he wasn't my normal type either ( shaved head, military man) and here I am bright red hair tattoos piercings and weighing in at 230 lbs ( that's what I was at the time) but our first date he came over and we had already clicked so much in personality over the Internet and phone and I think the only mention of weight was he was working on getting fit, and I said oh well don't worry about that with me, cause I have a little extra to love. And he never hesitated. The only secret I kept was my favorite band cause I love
readin people's reaction when I say my favorite band is *still* Hanson haha
I would agree that you need to use current pictures. Be confident in who you are and open yourself up to just date. Date guys who aren't your normal type or who aren't the perfect guy you have built up in your head. I think internet dating is a wonderful thing. I have asked friends about this and every one has told me that it matters more to them that a girl has confidence and is comfortable with herself than if she is overweight. You will automatically weed out the guys who care about the superficial by posting accurate pictures of yourself. That's no loss. They don't deserve you anyway.
Definitely don't wait. I've done on line dating also and never really had a full body picture up. I was always TERRIBLY nervous if and when I would actually meet someone in person.
Put up current pics that are flattering but not decieving.
I agree that you should put up current pictures of yourself. If somebody doesn't like you the way that you are, then it is their loss anyway. I've done online dating before too.. although I didn't intend to meet anyone, all I wanted was a friend. But I ended up meeting someone and falling in love. That was a couple years ago though. Good luck!
I still feel like a lot of guys who are cute and have nice profiles are waiting on the size 4 to come around.....so should I meet the guys now or wait?
You said it yourself. You FEEL like...
Emotions are not logical. It's not like you went out to interview the nice guys to get the pulse. You are projecting YOUR feelings on to nameless unknown guys and it doesn't hold them back any. It holds you back.
Don't worry so much about the guys. Or their response or reaction. That's on them -- their response or reaction to their dating.
What's on you is to get out and circulate and DATE if you want to online date... so get that profile out there and start working it. Post honest photo and get it out there into the world.
That IS online dating actually -- getting to negotiation for the in person coffee date is step two, not step 1.
So get out and LIVE YOUR LIFE. Do not postpone it. Get out and online date if that is your pleasure.
I had years of experience on a dating website. I put current pics of myself, my very first date was with a guy and when he showed up he was at least 30 lbs. heavier than his pics. I could have cared less but it was misleading in my opinion. I went out with my fair share of losers who were looking for the tiny, perfect barbie looking girl. Those are the ones you need to weed out and don't want to date a guy like that anyways IMO!
So I stuck with it, thinking i was HUGE at 180 lbs. on there and met my now 2 1/2 year later boyfriend who is the most wonderful man i've ever met He's no skinny, ken doll type! I was drawn to his humor and personality! I guess after my ramble...be honest, and know you are being honest with yourself. There's no point in putting heavier/thinner pics of yourself on there. It is all out there when you meet face to face
Good luck and i know you will have great success!
Last edited by pointspluspioneer; 06-20-2012 at 09:57 AM.
I'm not sure I understand your question but I'll give you my opinion.
Because online dating gives the illusion that there are a bazillion available options. Thus, putting yourself in a less flattering light is a bad idea.
Since your face is one of the first places you'll lose weight I would just go with current pictures and update them regularly.
I agree with this!
I did a lot of online dating (it's how I met my husband). My advice to you is to put up realistic pictures of yourself. Not your absolute best pictures, but not your worst either.
Whether people believe it or not, the right person will accept you as you are. If there's someone out there who won't date you until you're a size 4, maybe they're not the right person for you.
Online dating, meet men now or wait to lose weight?
haha
