20 something's (everyone else too) - what do you think about this re: friends
I'm only asking out of curiousity because I remember a post in the past where the younger generation, 20'somethings, had no issue with their SO's or themselves hanging out with friends of the opposite sex without their SO.
Well, we have new neighbors. A younger married couple. He is 21, she is 19 or 20. (side note: I realize their relationship is absolutely none of my business and I have no intention of butting in their business, seriously lol)...I'm just wondering if this falls into the "it's cool" category with respect to friends of the opposite sex, because I honestly cringe at the thought and wonder WTF theyre thinking, but again none of my business, just curious about MY train if thought.
Instance 1 - wife hangs out at home with her male buddies from work. Husband not around, wife and two guys just chilling, watching TV and stuff.
Instance 2 - wife is going to an amusement park with her two "buddies" and hubby is not going because he doesnt like to be around her male friends.
I don't think it's a problem to hang out with members of the opposite sex without your partner at all.. y'know as long as it's purely platonic and nobody has any weird feelings about it. I have quite a few male friends and they're just that.
The only thing I find weird about that is that her husband doesn't like to be around her male friends.. why is that?
At 19-20 I can imagine it to be quite common, I think once we're in our late 20's and heading into early 30's we realize what that leads to...
I am 27 and would never hang out with a non-male relative without my husband, but then I also have children and don't see that as appropriate anyways, I hardly get time alone with the H!
Very very late 20s here. I don't find #1 unusual. My husband & I [no kids] both have friends of the opposite sex. We both spend time with them alone, in public and otherwise. We also spend time with them together, and we also spend time with them in single- or mixed-gender groups of friends.
Neither of us has a jealous bone in our bodies, and we've been together 14 years (high school sweethearts awwww ) and have developed a good feel for how things are going. So we both feel ok with this. We're not naive, mind you. I don't have any (straight) male gym buddies, for example, and I wouldn't drink if I was alone with a male friend (not a drinker anyway, though). Honestly, I just don't think we're throbbing creatures of lust who can't control ourselves.
If we had kids, I can imagine that it could be different.
Now, as for #2, if he doesn't like her friends because they're male, then I think they have a problem. But if he just doesn't like her friends, well, it happens. There's one friend of my husband's that I don't care for very much. So I don't hang out with him. That's fine with me and fine with hubby.
I don't find #1 strange at all, #2 sounds off though. Then again #2 sounds like an excuse I might make to get the house to myself without directly saying to my partner that I don't want to go out.
#2 really depends on why he doesn't like her friends. If he just doesn't like them, well that happens. There are a couple of friends of my fiance's I would rather not spend time with because they're annoying--not because of their gender (some are female, some are male, btw). I know he doesn't like a few of mine too (male and female), so if I'm hanging out with them he just doesn't come.
I think it a generational thing. I do have many male friends and some of them are in a relationship and we still hang out together.
It might have something to do with still going to school. Also, I'm living in Europe, so it might be a cultural difference, too.
For instance, I started learning spanish recently and regularly meet with a male friend of mine (who has a girlfriend) in order to practice. We meet over coffee and try to talk spanish or discuss questions we have. Those are one on one meetings, because we know no one else who's learning Spanish at the moment.
A (female) friend of mine regularly meets with her room mate's boyfriend, because they're both training for a marathon. I know her room mate doesn't bother at all - she actually suggested they should train together.
I would be heart broken if my friends would stay away from me once they were in a relationship. We are friends, why would that have to stop all of a sudden?
I don't have a boyfriend at the moment, but when I had one, I didn't mind if he was meeting his female friends. I trusted him.
I made it this far and then started going through my mental rolodex for a divorce attorney.
LMAO!
Im thinking the same. They are a young military couple, and although I truly hope they last....because not many do anymore, Im afraid that it may end that way.
I don't find it weird (I'm mid 20's) at all - my boyfriend has no issue whatsoever with me hanging out with male friends, going for a drink/cinema/round for dinner etc. Nor do I mind him hanging out with female friends.
I think accepting or disapproving of "alone time" with friends of the opposite sex for married is also a "cultural thing" and not just an age thing.
But yeah, my eyebrows would be up by my hairline in either scenario. I do not have any male friends. Some of my girlfriends have boyfriends or husbands I get along with really, really well, but they are not my friends. I would not allow myself to be found alone with them, for any reason, as a measure of respect to my husband.
I am East Coast raised, and I was raised to respect my husband in this way (and other ways), and I know plenty of very young people from the same place I'm from that behave the same way.
If it's completely platonic, I don't see the problem at all. I'm going out for pizza and beer with one of my male friends soon, and while I'm still single, neither of us have any intention of getting together. We have no romantic interest in each other. And if I had a significant other that had a problem with me going to have pizza and beer with my buddy, I'd have a problem with him. Unless you HAVE something to worry about, why worry?
I think it's kinda silly that men and women can't hang out together without some kind of romantic/sexual inclination. I think people should trust their partners better.
For the record, I'm 22.
Last edited by mimsyborogoves; 05-27-2012 at 08:18 PM.
Well I'm 25.. I honestly don't see a problem with it as long as the relationship between the wife and her 'buddies' is nothing more then just friendship. I have a couple male friends (I'm still single but even if I wasn't I would still be hanging out with them.) Why stop hanging out with friends just because you are in a relationship or your married. Would you stop hanging out with your 'girl friends' if your a girl. Or your 'guy friends' if your a guy and your married?
I think accepting or disapproving of "alone time" with friends of the opposite sex for married is also a "cultural thing" and not just an age thing.
But yeah, my eyebrows would be up by my hairline in either scenario. I do not have any male friends. Some of my girlfriends have boyfriends or husbands I get along with really, really well, but they are not my friends. I would not allow myself to be found alone with them, for any reason, as a measure of respect to my husband.
I am East Coast raised, and I was raised to respect my husband in this way (and other ways), and I know plenty of very young people from the same place I'm from that behave the same way.
I agree! I'm an East Coast girl myself, got married at 19 and have been happily married for 8 years.
I think relationships with the opposite sex CAN lead to a situation you just don't want to be in.
Just fyi I am 23 and have been married 2.5 years. I personally would never do this because it is just asking for complications, whether she ends up cheating or not. If they were all friends together then I might understand but she is ditching her husband to chill with a group of guys he doesn't like? I don't care how progressive you think you are, that is a recipe for someone getting hurt.
20 something's (everyone else too) - what do you think about this re: friends
I don't find #1 unusual. My husband & I [no kids] both have friends of the opposite sex. We both spend time with them alone, in public and otherwise. We also spend time with them together, and we also spend time with them in single- or mixed-gender groups of friends.
) and have developed a good feel for how things are going. So we both feel ok with this. We're not naive, mind you. I don't have any (straight) male gym buddies, for example, and I wouldn't drink if I was alone with a male friend (not a drinker anyway, though). Honestly, I just don't think we're throbbing creatures of lust who can't control ourselves. 
