Why do irrational thoughts invade my brain....
 

I've posted in the past about my anxiety levels elevating when my fiancé (still weird and new being able to say that LOL) wants to go out without me. He has never done anything to make me think or feel like he was doing anything wrong (otherwise he wouldn't be my fiancé)...

Well, he found a new buddy in our neighborhood and he's talking about going fishing. Fishing. Just. Fishing. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with him going fishing with his buddy (our new neighbor). Not a thing. Not to mention, fishing isn't really my thing......unless we're on a boat with some adult beverages and tanning. In that case I'd insist upon going lol.

I think I truly need to stop watching "cheaters" :o. That show has been a guilty pleasure of mine for a while now and I think it's clouding my judgement :dizzy:

Girl, I'm in the same boat, everyday.... for no reason! And there is no tanning or adult beverages here... just insecurities at their worst!

I used to get like that. I finally had to stop and recognize when I was being illogical and repeat things I knew to be true in my head. So for example, when your man is out choosing lures for his fishing trip, just keep saying "He loves me. He is honest with me. He wants to be with me which is why he proposed to me. Men need man friends. He is not doing anything untrustworthy just as I'm not doing anything untrustworthy when I'm going shopping (or whatever) with my girlfriends". It sounds simple, but its amazing how well it works when you do it every time that the illogical/baseless thoughts pop into your head.

This may sound strange but I have been working on retraining my neural pathways. I have read about traumatic situations or prolonged stress trains our neural pathways to stay alert to danger and that actively working to destress we can "retrain" them. I have to say, this isn't easy but it helps. There is some science article on this somewhere on the net, which is why I started actively working on it.

Much like Chubbybunny said, we have an anxiety response for a reason but our minds don't know when to let down it's guard sometimes. But we can work to fix this by repeatedly sorting out our thoughts and putting them in their appropriate place. If you say to yourself, "he's fishing and that's it", chances are you will find peace with that but if you let those thoughts run unchecked and uncorrected, you will make yourself a mess and that anxiety will reach newer heights until it paralyzes you.

Now, look at it from his standpoint, what has he ever done to deserve this questioning of his love and devotion? If nothing, ask yourself....What's it going to be, choosing anxiety or choosing to trust him? Which one will lead to a better future for your upcoming marriage?

Life isn't always fair but we can't let unfair happenings spoil our love and trust. Don't let your anxiety block your ability to receive your blessings! :hug:

I've been married for almost 10 years and I'm a strong believer that you/husband each need some 'me' time each week, either with a friend or by yourself. For me I like to go on walks by myself. My husband goes out to dinner with a friend every week. Just a couple hours a week to have some space and breathe a bit :)

It's good that you recognize this for what it is: a bunch of irrational thoughts invading your brain. Let him enjoy his fishing trip and meanwhile do something fun: go out with the girls, pamper yourself, read, blast your favorite music and dance, anything. It's good to do separate things from time to time, otherwise the relationship may become boring. And after all, if he truly wanted to cheat on you, how would you worrying about it stop him? He clearly loves you, there is no reason to doubt that.

I agree with this 100%! - I've been married 19 years, and we have been "doing our own thing" for about 16 of those years. In the beginning we were heavy into the honeymoon phase so we did EVERYTHING together. But after a while, dang, I just missed my chickies & he missed his manly-men friends, & pretty soon we decided that being joined at the hip was more smothering than comforting!

So hey - while your fiance is out fishing with his new buddy, you should grab a girlfriend & go shopping or have a couple glasses of wine out by the pool, or enjoy a chick flick together, or maybe just have some alone time & read that book you've been meaning to get around to but haven't yet because he's got all or most of your attention, etc. ;) When two people continue to grow separately, as individuals, it brings more enjoyment, light & happiness into your couplehood, because you have more to share. IMHO, of course. :D

Just remember this: there is nothing sexier or more alluring than a confident woman and that especially includes being confident that your relationship is worth trusting in.

And YES... STOP WATCHING CHEATERS!!!

I've been married for 18 years and I trust my spouse 100% and he trusts me 100%. That's the way it should be!

LOL I will remove Cheaters from my DVR list immediately.

Thanks for all of the feedback.

I honestly do recognize my thoughts as irrational. Being able to come here sort of "reality check" myself is VERY helpful. He has plans to go fishing tonight and I'm good with it at this point.