Addressing the In-Laws as "Mom & Dad"
 

This has sort of been a small bone of contention between my in-laws and myself over the last year. A little background:

My husband's parents divorced when he was 2 or 3, and both had remarried by the time he was 6, to their current spouses. There is no drama, everyone's friends, holiday events are pretty surreal with all the ex-spouses and the non-fighting. My husband calls both sets of his parents "mom and dad" which is understandable since both sets had a hand in raising him and he doesn't really feel closer to either side, which is great and I love that. Even though it leads to confusion when he says something like, "My mom..." and I have to ask him to clarify "which one?"

My problem here is, my parents are also "mom and dad" and I have a hard time addressing 3 women as mom, and 3 men as dad, so I call his parents by their first names (all 4 of them), and they have told me "call me mom/dad, you're family now" and I can tell it bothers them a bit that I don't (some more than others).

Blended families are now pretty common, how do you deal with the in-laws as "mom and dad" situation?

I would quite simply state that it's confusing to you to call three people Mom and Three people dad. that it's no disrespect to them, but it's just easier for you... My guess, once/if you have kids, you'll be calling them grandma and grandpa - all of them, and to clarify, it might have to be Grandma Mary and Grandma Jane (for example).

I've been married for 18 years and I cannot IMAGINE calling my MIL "mom" or "mama" as she's not and thankfully, I think she would hate it. I call her by her first name.

I call my in-laws by their first names and my husband calls my parents by theirs. It did get a little easier when we had kids since the kids called one set Grammy and Grampy and the other set Nana and Grampa. Eventually we followed suit so it was less confusing for everyone.

My MIL wanted me to call her mom, but I just couldn't, it felt disrespectful to my mother. My mother understood my concerns and told my husband to call her (almost!) anything he was comfortable with. It worked for us.

My in laws are not divorced so my answer may not help but I call them Mom and Dad, and have since before our engagement (as soon as we knew we were going to end up married).

My husband calls my dad and my moms current husband by first name, but calls my mama "mama".

I say whatever makes you comfortable. Talk to them about it if they get upset about it.

I just couln't bring myself to call my in laws Mom and Dad although they expected it. I solved that by making them grandparents and then called them Grandma and Grandpa.

Well, I am not married so I can't speak of "in laws", but with my ex's parents, I always called them by their names. Now, with my boyfriend, I call his mother by her name (his dad is dead :( ), but I wouldn't mind calling her "mom". First, because my boyfriend is Scottish and I am Uruguayan, therefore my first language is Spanish and I talk to my parents in Spanish (so I call them "mami" and "papi" or "papá" y "mamá"), so I could perfectly call her "mom" without it feeling weird. Besides, her name is actually a bit difficult for me to pronounce, so that would make it easier...and frankly, I think she would like it :D

We initial.

When I'm talking, "Mom" is my mom.

And "Mom B." is my MIL. I call her anything from Mom (if there's no other moms around) Mom L. (if other moms are around), crazy lady (affection), and Nana Banana (if there's grandkids around)

When DH is talking, he goes with "My Mom" is his mom and he calls her "Mom." He calls my mother "Mom" if there is no other moms around, and "Mom A." if there is.

A.

:lol: I always called my inlaws "hi" and "how are you"

Although my parents are divorced, I have no contact with my biological father right now. My husband did meet him but I can't remember what he called him.

I call my husband's parents as mama and papa. It felt natural to do. My husband calls my mother mom. My stepfather is called by his name by both my husband and myself.

I call my stepmother by her first name (and when my stepfather was alive, I called him by his first name), so I didn't naturally start calling my mother-in-law "mom" (my husband's father is deceased). I always use her first name.

Of course, she hasn't asked me to call her mom, I suppose if she did, I would try. If it means a lot to someone, why not?

Originally Posted by cherrypie:
:lol: I always called my inlaws "hi" and "how are you"

Hahahaha me too!
My SIL asked me what I call my in-laws, and I said "I don't!"
When talking about them I will say "your mom" and "your dad" to my husband. But I've never had to actually call them anything. If I did, it would probably be their first names - even though we get along great and I love them dearly, I don't feel comfortable calling them Mom and Dad.

It would feel very strange to me to call my in-laws Mom and Dad. I don't like the thought of it at all. :) I call them all (also divorced) by their first names, and if I'm talking to my husband about them, I say "your mom," "your dad," or "step-parent name." If I'm talking to my kids about them, I use their grandparent names.

Well, my husband calls me my mom "Mom", but that's because we live together and when me and my man got married, she told him to call her whatever he feels comfortable with. Since his own mom died when we was 10, it was as if he got a new one when he married me :)

On the other hand, I call my husband's father by his first name. He has little to do with us as a family, not that he is bad or anything, but he just doesn't care much. My twin girls are his only grandchildren, they are nearly 11 months now and he only saw them once. He never seems to have time. So we are not close at all, hence the first name has to do!

If I were you, I'd just politely explain that it's confusing for you to call three people "mom" and "dad". They shouldn't be offended, and if they will be, they will get over it :devil:

My inlaws aren't divorced but I call them by their first names. With my divorced and remarried parents, they have always been "Mom and Rick" and "Dad and Janae".

Kept confusion to a minimum then and now!

I call my in-laws by their names. They aren't my parents so I don't call them mom or dad. They don't have an issue with it.