I think that article was meant to be funny, but its really not that bad! I've had 2 kids.
Placenta- didn't see mine. After I pushed both my kids out I was so over come with the relief/joy feeling, I don't even remember delivering the placenta.
My doctor does not do episiotomies, but I tore with my first son. I didn't even know it. I was in labor for a few days with my first and pushed for like 4 hours! The baby was not in distress, and my doctor said if I was up to it I could continue with a vaginal birth, so I did. By the time he was crowning, I probably could have had my arms chewed off by a pack of wild squirrels and wouldnt have felt it. My husband was telling me as a was pushing that I was tearing/ bleeding, but I felt nothing!
It did burn for a week or so after, when I peed
Poop happens. I didn't because with both kids I had the urge to go while laboring, so I went to the toilet. So nothing was left when it came time to push. But you know what? Doctors and nurse see EVERYTHING! Nothing is new for them, trust me, I'm a nurse. We don't even bat an eye at those things.
You know what's really frightening is just the uncertainty of labor. Things can go wrong. Maybe its being a nurse that makes me worry, but I'm afraid of the baby decompensating or getting the cord wrapped around his neck, or getting caught up under the pevic bone, or having some kind of health issue that they missed during prenatal care.