My brother and I are in our early 30s. We do not have a good relationship and it has been this way for many years. Both he and I have said some hurtful things in the past to each other. My sister in law and I don't have a close relationship either, but that is due to her following/listening to whatever negative things he says to her about me and believing everything he says about me. Of course she will always defend/believe him because they are husband and wife.
Tonight, she called me up and told me she was pregnant. The baby is due in July. I am SO excited about being an aunt for the first time in my life! She had the phone on the speaker mode and I was telling her to let me know if there's anything I can do to help her out during her pregnancy. My brother said "What can you do to help out? You don't cook or clean. You just sit around, watch tv, and give mom and dad and everyone a hard time." WTF?!!! My sister in law started laughing at what he said. I'm not good with coming up with witty insults quickly, so all I could think of at that moment was "Whatever! You have me confused with someone else!"
My brother gets away with these insult/jabs because he is known as the "jokster" in the family. I don't find his insult funny at all and have repeatedly told him in the past to stop it. I'm accused of being overly sensitive. I've brought this issue up to my parents several times with the hope that they would say something to him. They have approached my brother in the past, but it's not as if they actually get angry at him. It's as if they use the same tone of voice as making the random statement "the sky is blue". If that means any sense.
Anyway, after much therapy, reading self-help books, and confiding in close friends, I've finally convinced that his behavior towards me is NOT my issue. It is his issue. I don't know why my 31 year old brother, who is married, considered the "good looking one" when compared to me (I'm considered the "fat and ugly one that no man wants and that's why I'm still single at age 33" by most family members), financially stable, and looks to have a good life overall treats me in such a negative manner.
My therapist and friends say it's because he resents the fact that I can go live away from my parents and "be free" from their pressures and running the family business. I think my brother's years of insults towards me is his method of passing on the abuse/frustration that he feels....after all, it's not as if he would take it out on his wife or parents. It doesn't justify his behavior towards me though!
Anyway, sorry for rambling. I just feel...sad about this situation. I don't understand adult slibling rivalry and resentment. I resent him because he treats me with disrespect, but I've learned that he is the one with issues. He still gets to me (like he did tonight). This is/was suppose to be a joyous annoucement....and now all I will remember is how he and my sister in law were laughing AT me.
I wish I had my own supportive spouse to defend me. God knows my parents don't do a thing about it.
My concern is the effect his behavior will have towards shaping the way my future niece/nephew regards me. Children learn behavior through their parents. Growing up, my parents use to bully me about losing weight. They no longer do that. I am concerned that my brother and sister in law will inadvertently train their kid to dislike and make fun of me.
I want to be a good aunt and have a healthy relationship with my brother's kid. How can I do this if my brother continues to disrespect me?