We always send the picture Christmas cards with pre-printed names and messages on them so I don't generally sign a card unless I add a personal message. But yesterday we recieved a card from my sister-in-law, the only way I knew this was the return address on the envelope. She had pre-printed a message (very short message) "we are well, seasons greetings" from her computer on printer paper and had cut out the message in a tiny snip of paper and taped it to the inside of the card. Why even bother ? She has no small children (grown sons on their own) and I don't think a terribly demanding job (she is a teacher evaluator after 30 years of being a teacher) that it would be too demanding to just write her name on a card. At any rate, it just irked me. Obviously there are other issues in this relationship so maybe she's being passive agressive.

lol, that sounds like something my teacher-sil would do! And I agree, if you aren't even going to bother to sign it, don't bother to waste the money to send it!

Not worth getting your knickers in a knot. Just be glad she sent a card - my SIL seems to have lost both her arms. She's off my list for 2012.

Hey, at least she sent you a card. This doesn't seem like something that's worth getting too upset about to me. It's just a card.

I spend so little time actually handwriting anything these days that I'm afraid that people are already having to look at the return address to figure out the card is from me when I sign it!

My mom and some of her friends would write the signature on a Post-it; that way they figured the recipient could discard the Post-it and send the card forward to someone else. And my aunt and the nuns in her convent would cut out the illustrations and messages from used cards, glue them to a folded piece of colored construction paper or card stock and reuse them that way. I'm not sure if I think those practices are green or just tacky

Seems to me she took more time printing, cutting out and taping what she did enclose. She might as well have just written it.
And not to be quarrelsome, but you stated that you do not hand sign cards and are peeved that she didn't. I am missing something here.

I have to agree. To me, it sounds like you both acheived the exact same level of impersonal - just different enough that each of you can criticise the other thinking "at least I didn't..."

I'd call it a tie.


My husband and I no longer send Christmas cards, for a lot of reasons - environmental, financial, idiological, and personal (personally, we're lazy and forgetful, and when we did send cards they were always late).

We also really can't afford to send cards to everyone who sends them to us. After 7 years of not sending cards, we've fallen off many aquaintences lists, but some of the relatives are persistent. We've told them that we'd prefer that they not "waste the stamp or the paper," but they do what they want to do.

I don't think anyone should be judged for sending, not sending, or sending the "wrong kind of" card (unless by wrong, you mean hurtful).

I guess I should have said "how hard is it to put your name on a card", but in the end it's not an earth shattering issue. And yes, I have left out some dtails that would explain "issues" I have with her. But I won't get into that, I just thought the way she did it was bizarre and odd and sad. And I don't mind those that take me to task for complaining.

I did chuckle at the folks who signed their cards with post-it notes though.

Sometimes people just lose focus. They manage to write "To Barack and Michelle" but then their mind goes somewhere else and they just shove the card in the envelope, address it and send it off. We've had a few here like that, over the years.

My "SIL" is unpredictable: we may get a card, we may not; we may get one or more presents, we may not. I put this behaviour in the "Strange But True" section. Feel free to put your SIL's behaviour there too. It might be better if it's all locked up together out of the way.

True enough, but as many people could criticize by saying "how hard is it to add a handwritten signature?. How hard is it to add a note of a line or two? How hard is it to add a newsletter? Why would anyone add a newsletter except to show off?

It's one of the reasons my husband and I stopped sending Christmas cards - because no matter what you choose, someone thinks it's inappropriate. You're either being impersonal, showing off, displaying too little sentiment (or too much)...


Many people think a signature with no personal note, is inexcuseably impersonal.

Others think even the generic handwritten "hope you have a great holiday" is too impersonal.

Then there's the cards themselves. Some folks are offended if the holiday cards are religious, others are offended if the cards AREN'T religious.

It got to the point, that buying, filling out, and sending the Christmas cards was more stressful than our wedding thank you notes.

Personally, I believe "social obligation" aspect of the holiday season has become ridiculous. Every year, I get closer and closer to boycotting Christmas altogether, because of the pressure to try to "make everyone happy, and to do "just enough" to avoid being accused of showing off or being stingy (with time or money).

This thread hits home for me because Christmas etiquette stumps me and frustrates me and even upsets me. Everything has to be weighed out. If someone sends me a card, or gives me a gift, etiquette effectively requires I return the favor. If I want to get someone a gift, I weigh out whether I should based on whether it will then make them feel obligated (which is not what I want) and then they will resent me for "making" them get me a gift. Things like that. I find Christmas to be a joyful time of year, but also a stressful time of year, and often a no-win time of year as well.

This makes me sad! I send Christmas cards to a pretty extensive list, and I write out a longer message in each (usually I fill the card up), including holiday greetings. I do it because I have the time to think about each person on my list and send them good thoughts for the New Year, and because I really ENJOY writing them and taking that moment to think about each of my loved ones. I hope that no one who doesn't have the time, or who doesn't enjoy it, feels obligated to do so just because I sent the card!

Wow, I don't sign our Christmas cards - we send out about 80 of them and I type up and fold a two page family Christmas letter as an insert. That's a lot of work. Signing them all with every member of the family would take even longer, so I just hope people appreciate the family update and thoughtfulness of mailing it to them.

I'm always shocked and amazed at what annoys some people and not others, life is just too short for me to take stuff personally. Then again, I also don't have a history with anyone, which I sounds like you might with this SIL

Maybe she's currently got a hand problem that makes it difficult to hold a pen. Whatever the reason, this really is not worth worrying about. Are you stressed about something else and transferring the stress to this?