Before I tell you this story, I just want to make clear that I do believe a woman has the right to do what she wants with her body.
Since I believe this, my experience from last night was a bit baffling.
We went to a wine party at a friends house to kick-off holiday celebration. One mother and father were there with their tiny 4-month old baby. I've known the couple for awhile - they are a bit older (36) and they had tons of trouble trying to conceive. In fact, spent thousands on invitro-fertilization.
The father is definitely just as much a part of the baby's life as the mother.
The mother's parents smoke and she had also smoked the past twenty years of her life, but had given up smoking because her doctor told her it would increase her chances of getting pregnant if she stopped.
Last night, the mother's sister and sister-in-law were both there, smoking like chimneys (we were all outside on a large balcony). The mother caved when offered cigarettes from them, despite the fact that she is still actively breastfeeding.
The father, a former smoker who quit many years ago and hasn't touched them since, was quite angry at the mother. But she kept smoking! He then became angry at his own sister for offering his wife the cigarettes. That didn't help because the mother's sister was also offering her cigarettes.
He sort of just had to stand by. I mean, he can't physically make his wife not smoke.
It did hurt me actually - he cares about his baby and doesn't want the baby to ingest the chemicals from cigarettes (understandably!). I know a cigarette or two isn't deadly, but really, we don't know all of the consequences early exposure to carcinogenic chemicals can have on babies.
I felt the tables were turned last night and the man's rights were infringed upon. It made me uncomfortable. It also made me uncomfortable that the others simply couldn't leave their cigs at home for the night to help their sister avoid temptation.
I am a former smoker, I realize how hard it is to quit. I can, to a certain extent, sympathize with smokers. On the other hand, I couldn't identify last night with any of the smokers and felt they were using their addiction to cigarettes as an excuse to act irresponsibly.
So, this baffled me. I really want to believe that a woman has 100% control over her body to do as she pleases - but the situation has changed a bit. The baby is now its own person and responsibility for it is actively split between father and mother (who are both good parents with active roles). Because the baby obvisouly cannot speak up for itself, the father had to. The mother rejected the father's opinion. Of course the father is not violent and would not physically remove the cig from the mother's hand. He was powerless.
What do you guys think about the situation? It has been troubling me all morning!