this :)

I don't think feeling confident/sexy and wanting to lose weight/gain health are mutually exclusive.

Even if she's trying to lose, or not trying to lose, everyone deserves to feel beautiful.

While I personally don't subscribe to that viewpoint, I don't begrudge anyone who does.

I personally feel uncomfortable and fat and too big for the world when my weight reaches about 60 pounds over a normal bmi and above. I don't feel sexy at that weight.. however when my weight is still higher (maybe just hitting the obese line) I DO feel sexy. I don't have to be a normal bmi to feel sexy... so maybe this lady can also feel sexy when even heavier. Each to their own, I guess! ;)

I also know a girl who claims that she is proud to be curvy and has no problem being overweight. The thing is, she isn't proud at all, she is very unhappy and desperatly want's to lose weight. She has simply failed to do so. But I think conctantly being told that she is not good enough pushes her to take the stand that she doesn't care, even though she actually does. When she posts "I'm proud to be curvy"-stuff on facebook it bugs me, not because she isn't allowed the have that opinion but because I now she isn't proud at all.

I'm sure there are people who are perfectly happy being overweight and that is great :) I think the problem is that overweight people have been under attack for so long, that some have gone in the totally opposite direction, feeling the need to scream out loud how proud they are of them selves. It's great to be proud of youself, but if you deep down are actually unhappy then it's not productive at all to pretend.

Ideally we should all just stop judgeing each other based on weight. My mom always says that if we really wanted it, we could all be so much happier if we were nice to each other and helped each other out. She is not talking about weight but life in general. But I think she has a point. If we just helped each other out instead of calling names or being overly defensive then we could maybe move to a place where we focused on being healthy and happy, no matter what number the scale shows us in the morning :)

For me reading this, it's not about a person feeling good about their size, it's about the way they felt the need to announce it.

Because I don't believe in special treatment for "larger" folk (we should all be treated as equals-the good and the bad), I guess the reason why the Facebook statement irks me is that I wonder how it would look if I posted the following:

"When you are a slim, petite woman, people like to say 'yeah, she looks great because she lost weight', but it follows with 'honey, just eat the stupid piece of cake'. I wake up most days when other people rest, because I have to work to be thin and achieve my best. Whether big or small, we all work to be accepted, but 'you're becoming obsessed' makes me feel quite disrespected. Dieting and exercise is what I need to do, and my personal journey has really nothing to do with you. Don't feel that because I'm no longer fat, that my skin has grown too thick. Because it hurts a lot when you dismiss my goals, or haphazardly call me 'sick'. So don't think your large frame gives you excuse to be rude. I deal with bigger demons that usually involve food."


Well...you guys get the idea. This little ditty is usually how I feel on a day to day basis. Because I wish I could say that everyone has been supportive of my weight loss...but that ain't the truth. Not one bit. And I let the snarky comments slide most of the time, because, well like I said in my little poem...I'm dealing with bigger demons.

Sorry, now I'm rambling and got side-tracked. I am always amazed and in awe of anyone who is happy with themselves. ANYONE, whether big or small. But when I see that facebook post, I just wonder how it would look if a thin woman posted a poem about how happy and proud they are of being thin. If they were waxing poetic about how lucky someone would be to have access to their "smaller size". Or how they look good in everything, whether it's "cotton or lace". Or how "I'm cute in the face, AND I've got a tiny waist!".

Just my two lil cents :)

Wow! Great thread! GlamourGirl... right on!

Empowering or copout? I guess it can't be all or nothing. It can be both. For me, it's a total cop-out.

When I was at my heaviest (the first time), I adopted this attitude. Real women have curves. Yeppers. I was not happy with my weight and not happy with myself, but I decided that since I couldn't lose the weight, I would accept my weight and myself as-is. I was giving up. This is it. Can't do it. I have curves (translate: fat rolls). But I wasn't changing my ways. I was going to the gym, yes, but my entire thought process on weight loss was wrong, and I wasn't getting results. That all changed when I lost the weight and I was thin.

When I gained the weight a second time, I never reached this point again, of self acceptance. Sorry, real women may have curves, but they don't have to be fatty ones. It was about 3 years of torture as the pounds piled on and I felt worse and worse about myself. I had gone back to my tried and failed weight loss strategy (insanity??).

I agree with Kaplod and others about fat and thin, self confidence, self worth and not judging others based on weight. However, what GlamourGirl says is also true, especially in the context of her post. Not all of us are thin because we just are. We work hard to be where we are! We do it because we can't accept the concept of curves, not as a fat girl. I have curves that I wish I didn't, and I have curves that I'm glad I have, but I don't want to be fat.

I'm not even at my goal weight, not even close, but I think I look better, and I certainly feel better because of the fact that I'm working hard to exercise and eat right, day in and day out, and my body is reshaping. I eat, think and breathe weight loss. Obsession? Maybe. It is always on my mind, but perhaps that is what I need, always and forever, in order to be thin. I'm not even looking at it from a health perspective. I don't want to live to be 100. It's purely vanity for me.

Maybe that's my problem. I always felt inferior to the thin. The fatter I got, the worse I felt around thin people, and really, it was because I just felt worse about myself. At the same time, I don't look down upon those who are heavy. I don't know why I felt judged when I don't judge.

Sometimes I wonder if we have made our standards too high. Why do we have to be so thin? Why is a certain BMI the magic number? Do we see through laboratory testing that our numbers are more likely to be in a normal range at this tiny weight? I don't know. Years ago, I understand that larger was more acceptable. I wonder if our obesity problem isn't really linked to actual obesity as it is to the changing of our standards. Maybe someone considered normal is now "obese" based on changed ranges. I don't now what standards used to be where weight is concerned, so I'm basically just rambling. I just wonder.

Well, thanks GlamourGirl for introducing this great topic.

Nice!

(I haven't read the responses)

I don't actually repost it when I saw it. Although I like preaching comfort in your own body and never letting anything holding you back. The only way I lost 80 pounds the first time was accepting my body as his with all it's flaws. After that I was able to move more and treat my body with respect.

The reason why I gave up? Someone told me my saggy stomach was disgusting. Although this person denies this comment, I remember it like it was yesterday. My heart was broke. With one sentence that was meant as a backward compliment, I resolved to start hating myself again. Now I'm at 270 again. Through the hoop, I've resolved to love myself again because I am beautiful!

Now, I also preach fat girl love with the hoop because I don't want anyone saying, "well, I can't hula hoop cause I'm fat." No, you don't have the muscle memory yet. Get a big hoop and try again!

There is a huge difference (pun!) between curvy, chunky, & obese. For those who are actually obese and don't care that they're obese, they obviously don't care about their health. I find that sad.

While I know I've been overweight and even tho I've lost almost 40 lb and STILL overweight, I also know that I AM CURVY. Always have been. Even when I was in the 120 range, still - very curvy. I celebrate my curves. Appreciate them. I am a woman, I feel like a woman, and I would NEVER want to be stick thin, or even be so taut & toned that my curves disappeared into muscle. Nope - that's not for me!

I am happy with a curvy, toned body. And I'm getting there... step by step, day by day. I am woman, hear me roar! ;)

A lot of awesome replies. Do agree that one should not be proud to be obese, and that curvy and obese are two different things. I am curvy. I'll never have that straighter figure. But I am small framed. No matter how much fat I've carried around, I've always had a small frame. I could easily carry a 120 lbs and not be too thin. My whole mother's side of the family are very small framed, but curvy people people.

I can see this as one person's way of dealing with a life time of hurt. I know some people deal with their issues better in a public forum, with lots of attention. I don't understand it, since even on this site (the only place I've even come completely clean) I keep my anonymity. I also know she's not a particularly kind person. I friended her because she was a previous classmate, then through coincidence, was a coworker nearly 10 years later. She's never been personally mean to me, so I guess it was more of an obligatory FB friending.
Her posts are often passive-aggressive, and I saw this as a passive aggressive post against thinner women. The line about not having more pull with a small frame, I thought was rude.
First it assumes what someone is thinking based soley on their size! You know what? My thoghts haven't changed with my weight. I don't think its fair to assume women's motives or thoughts simply because she is thin. There are a lot of thin women in the world, and I highly doubt each one thinks she is better than every fat women...I wouldn't want anyone assuming what I was thinking based on my size, fat, thin, tall, short. It is not ok to stand up for one group (obese) by making assumptions about another (thin). Thin girls made fun of my all through school. That does not give me the right to put down every thin woman, OR assume every thin woman thinks and behaves just like that one group of girls.

I've also never cared for over compensating. In any facet. I'm actually a pretty low key person, and I don't understand people that need to shout from the top of the world "Look at me! I'm beautiful!!" People are so wrapped up in their own lives, that 99.999% of them weren't thinking you're not beautiful. They weren't thinking about you at all....BUT its like this girl just can't deal with that, so she has to scream on a public forum "Look I love my body"...Frankly, I doubt if anyone was thinking negetive things about her body (or any fat person) that morning when they signed on to FB. I think it urks me that she assumes we are concerning ourselves with it. Well, maybe we do here, but this is a weightloss web site.

And I don't think anyone should be proud to be obese. Personally, I'm not proud to be curvy...I didn't accomplish anything, why would I be proud? For me, I'm proud of my accomplishments. I am I proud that I lost weight, because it was very hard work. I would never have been proud to be over weight, it took no work at all. It WAS a struggle. A daily, emotionally and physically draining struggle. I'm not saying it was easy, but not something I'd be proud of. I'm also not proud to be a woman! I'm not un-proud, or ashamed, I'm just not proud. I didn't accomplish it.

I get this X-pride movement (fill in the X with what have you) where my FB friend filled it in with her size, comes from feeling put down for something, so you react by being proud of it...I just think when someone gets themself in a place where they, without being provoked, feel they have to remind others "hey look at me! I'm proud I'm curvy (obese) I'm proud! So don't you go thinking you're any better than me! I'm great and I want you to know, just incase you were thinking anything less of me!!...Well, it has the opposite effect. I think most people see through that ruse and actually see the person as less confident.

I really like this, SunnyJee!

I read an interesting piece on Jezebel, Real Women Have...Bodies. Good read if you have a minute, but the message comes down to this: there isn't a definition for "real woman", whatever her body shape.

Personally, I'm so tired of seeing people shaming each other openly about weight. I think everyone should work towards feeling their best about themselves; their good feelings should never come at the expense of someone else's. I can feel good about my healthier body without feeling anything negative about thinner/bigger/curvier/flatter/shorter/taller people. Fat shaming is so prevalent, but I hate that the response from some "fat" people is simply to shame thin people!

I don't think that the FB post is necessarily shaming thin people, but I've been seeing a ton of shaming lately, especially on the PostSecret iPhone app of all places and it's driving me nuts!

But see this is my point- many women are naturally stick thin - or athletic looking. I have NO boobs, even when breastfeeding. And these comments devalue women like me (can we call ourselves women? I have a vagina... but no breasts or real hips to speak of). I was, naturally, around 90lbs throughout high school (makes you wonder how the heck I ended up on 3FC) and I remember crying in the locker room because all the other girls had breasts and I looked like a boy, or at least that's what they called me!

We can celebrate our own figures - slim, thick, "curvy", obese, whatever - without devaluing others :) If someone wants to be stick thin or obese and they are HAPPY then who are we to devalue that? (*note HAPPY - someone with an eating disorder is generally unhappy, but there are some "stick thin" girls who love their figure or embrace it).

I think that Facebook is a pretty awful place for discussing weight, to be honest. Memes in the form of bad poetry don't help, and status updates about weight loss progress tend to elicit strange responses and/or make the readers feel uncomfortable.

I also find the "real women have curves" attitude is highly disrespectful of women who don't have curvy figures. You can identify as intensely feminine despite having practically no breasts (and come to that, even if you've had your breasts or uterus removed for medical reasons, or if you're a transwoman), and you can identify as androgynous or genderqueer even if you have a classic hourglass figure with death-defying cleavage (and a friend of mine does). Women come in all shapes and sizes, and while it's great to celebrate that variety, it shouldn't be done in such a way that one particular shape is worshipped and the rest denigrated. Telling someone that they're not a "real woman" based on which type of body shape they happened to inherit (because whether or not you are bosomy seems to persist whatever your weight) is ridiculous. I also find it a bit daft when people declare that men always like certain shapes. Exchanging "men" for "people who are oriented towards women" (don't get me wrong, I know lots of gay men who think that breasts are beautiful, but we're talking about sexual attraction here), women of all shapes find people who are attracted to them - otherwise we'd have evolved to be all exactly the same shape by now! Speaking as a bisexual woman, I can certainly attest that I find a variety of looks attractive in women.

Great post! I imagine a post about how great it is to be thin would not be well received. Its a double standard, that some people are allowed to be "proud" others are not! (At least not openly)

And while I was typing my 2nd post, like 7 people posted! I didn't read any of them until now. I guess we all woke up Sunday morning and came here! ;)

i personally see it as a cop out. i used to think that way. im curvy so what if im fat too..... my sister says it and so do a few of my friends who are morbidly obese. i think its a way to rationalize giving up and acceptance. but in a bad way. now, you can be overweight and healthy its been proven BUT when you are always complaining and i always see your status to 'im hungry ima get a burger' (3am btw) and you are 300 lbs theres a problem. i am not in any way whatsoever saying i am better but i do KNOW better. i wish i could help my sister lose weight. shes 6'1 and weighs about 250 lbs and is always telling me she wishes she could lose weight like i am. i try to tell her how to lose it but she lacks self discipline.