[sensualappeal]

Does this happen to anyone else? I recently started seeing this amazing guy, we've been seeing each other for the past 2 months. I gained a little bit more weight and I've been feeling more and more depressive because of this. He is in wonderful shape and works out all the time. I feel like I'm too big to be with him. I have a hard time relaxing and "getting in the mood" but I don't say anything because I don't want him to think I'm bored of him ALREADY and that I'm needy. I just want to be able to get turned on properly without worrying about my body. I constantly try sucking in or I look down and see my stomach and it just completely turns me off and makes me wanna put my clothes back on. It's really starting to bug me a lot recently. Then I would eat more and sometimes even binge, which would make me RATHER sit home alone and EAT rather than see him! I cancelled our date two days ago becuase I felt like crap and just wanted to binge all day. Which is what I did. And then I felt even worse.

Anyone got any advice for me on this matter?
How do I relax?
Anything else?

thanks

[Sinoia]

sensualappeal, I looked at your starting weight of 139 pounds, your loss, and feel sad that you have a negative body image. This makes your feelings about how you feel no less valid but perhaps you are being just too hard on yourself. From what you write it seems he fancies you or he would not want to make love to you, perhaps you can take some positivity from him.

You are caught in a vicious cycle here, feeding negativity from all angles, eating and intimacy. Perhaps you can stand back a little and try to see a different perspective.

You say he is an amazing guy, clearly he fancies you. If you keep cancelling dates you will lose him, you know this, and perhaps taking a leap of faith with this clearly gorgeous fella and just talking to him about how you feel, honestly and openly, may just take you guys to a new level.

If he backs off then at least you have been true to yourself and respected him by crediting him with the gift of truth, rather than forcing him off because you feel you cannot reach his standard (which, by the way, is another excuse for self-desctruction).

I do empathise, I have been in this situation though it was many years ago. I weighed less than you ... in fact I was skinny, but I felt I was fat. This is not a reasonable self image.

Try to see yourself as he sees you, someone he wants to date and make love with. Give him that much credit and then perhaps you will start to see yourself as desirable.

[blueheron777]

Happy for you that you met someone you want to date and who wants to date you!

But I think that your way of seeing the situation is going to sabotage it pretty quickly.

Suggest you: 1. Accept that a nice thing is happening & enjoy it and 2. Pick an eating plan and quietly start working it.

Agonizing over what IS will prevent anything good happening now or in the future.

Good luck!

[HikingChloe]

Actually a thought I had is that maybe you are not too interested in the relationship and not sure how to end it?

[InsideMe]

When we are afraid of true intimacy we can be hardest on ourselves. By repeating the cycle of self sabbotage and pushing people away (even if you're not aware of it) will keep you in a state of longing for true intimacy yet when it comes sabbotaging it keeps you safe so it repeats that cycle that says "See I am fat, or I am ugly, or I knew I wasn't good enough" It just reaffirms what you believe especially if the person leaves. Its' about finding true intimacy in YOURSELF and sharing that with someone. The binging is covering up your feelings of how you feel about you deep down. You ARE good enough for this guy, he's obviously into you. You have to see it in yourself, see what he sees. Recognize the emotional eating, the feelings that go along with it and realize you are only hurting yourself. It's time to learn how to truely love yourself. Don't push him away. He's obviously so into you!

[swtbttrfly23]

Originally Posted by InsideMe

When we are afraid of true intimacy we can be hardest on ourselves. By repeating the cycle of self sabbotage and pushing people away (even if you're not aware of it) will keep you in a state of longing for true intimacy yet when it comes sabbotaging it keeps you safe so it repeats that cycle that says "See I am fat, or I am ugly, or I knew I wasn't good enough" It just reaffirms what you believe especially if the person leaves. Its' about finding true intimacy in YOURSELF and sharing that with someone. The binging is covering up your feelings of how you feel about you deep down. You ARE good enough for this guy, he's obviously into you. You have to see it in yourself, see what he sees. Recognize the emotional eating, the feelings that go along with it and realize you are only hurting yourself. It's time to learn how to truely love yourself. Don't push him away. He's obviously so into you!

This. 100% this. I think you're caught in a cycle of self-sabbotage. And I know it's hard to get over these things, but think about how much worse you'll feel if you push him away because of your own insecurities. Start loving you for how amazing you are, and it will start breaking the cycle. And when you're with him, stop getting stuck on how you think you look or how you think everyone else percieves you. Focus on him and how he makes you feel. There is much pleasure to be had in our lives if we only let ourselves live it

[sensualappeal]

Thanks guys! Wonderful advice. I'm going to try to focus on the feeling on just being with him and not how I look. Which is really hard but I guess I have no choice but to try. This really is a vicious cycle I hope I can break.