If he hasn't used that language with you in bed since then, I really don't think you have a leg to stand on, as far as still being angry over it. I kind of agree with his silent declaration that it's silly to talk about it. What more are you going to say? You've already made it clear you didn't enjoy dirty talk. Some women do, and a lot of men do...I don't think it's fair to get angry at him over something quite a lot of men do in the bedroom, so long as he hasn't done it since.

Samantha,

We can't fix our marriages when we actively do things to cause a couple to fall out of love. Move back to your bedroom. Fall in love again. Date again. Do everything you did to fall in love. I sense an inability to forgive in this marriage - this will kill it. You cannot move forward if you cannot forgive the past.

Visit marriagebuilders.com for more if you'd like.

Samantha was hurt and insulted and felt degraded by his comments. Before a guy calls you those names he shuld know it is ok t do it. It wasn't in this case, obviously. I understand how she must have felt. I know how I would feel. You can call me ugly, you can call me fat, you can call me old, you can call me stupid, you can call me lazy,but do not ever call me a slut, never in any circumstance.

My ex husband acted in a way that hurt me during a few of our arguments. I addressed it with him and didn't go to marriage counseling because I knew no matter what he did, I couldn't overlook it.
I moved out with our child, and filed for divorce one week later.

My husband and I have hurt each other many times, mostly unintentionally (or during a heated argument in petty retaliation for being hurt). We both are very quick to forgive - because we each want to be forgiven just as quickly in return. We've never slept apart from each other out of anger, either (my health problems prevented us from sharing the same bedroom for almost a year, and it was the roughest year of our marriage).


I wouldn't stay in a marriage, if my partner hurt me in a way I couldn't forgive - and if I could only forgive under a specific circumstance, I would expect to have to tell him specifically how he hurt me, and specifically what he had to do to earn back my forgiveness and trust, and the time frame I expected it to happen. I wouldn't expect him to "just know" what needs to be done to make amends.


I also wouldn't stay in a marriage, if my partner couldn't forgive me relatively quickly for something I did that hurt him, especially if my behavior wasn't intentional. And I wouldn't stay with someone who decided that to earn his forgiveness, I had to make it up to him in some way in the future, but which he couldn't or wouldn't verbalize specifically. That's emotional blackmail, and I wouldn't stand for it.

Because of my own background (masters degree in psychology) if I was having trouble forgiving or being forgiven in my marriage, or if we faced a problem that prevented us from lovingly sharing the same bed for more than one night, or from having a good sexual relationship, I wouldn't make sure that my husband and I went to relationship counseling with me, because I know that the situation wouldn't improve without help. This was something I also discussed with my husband before marriage, because I wasn't willing to marry someone who wasn't willing to go to counseling if we encountered a problem we couldn't resolve quickly on our own.


These are my values, not yours, but I again strongly recommend counseling, because it will help you both learn to understand and forgive one another, or at least decide whether forgiveness is possible. If one or both of you can't forgive, you both deserve to move on, even if that means without each other. Without forgiveness, there's absolutely no hope of the marriage surviving in a way that doesn't destroy you both emotionally.

I don't want to insult anyone's beliefs here, but I think people overrate "first time sex".
Did you ride your bicycle like a pro the first time you hit the pedals? Was your ever first pancake a Chef-level success? Unless you are Captain Kirk I'd guess "no".
Neither is first time sex so easy to "perfect" without prior experience.
The best sexual experiences in a loving couple are usually the latest ones not the first. It needs time for two people to know what they like and what they do not like.
I know of course that every couple is different etc, but I personally know no man or woman who'd be sexually content with only 2 times per month. Sexual activity is important to most people's psychological health and it makes the onion-ring type arguments vanish for the couples I know, me included.
Wedding days are also overrated. Even if your wedding day is the greatest failure in wedding day history it's no big deal. It's just a party during which you celebrate a relationship with a future. It does not dictate how good the rest of your life with your lover will be.
My Sis had a dream-wedding and a sour divorce. A friend of mine just signed a marital paper in the Mayor's office one bland day and is happily married with two kids.
Do not let failures stop you or make you stop others from improving and enjoying the now.
You sound a bit like a perfectionist to me, which can be great in education and in some types of jobs, but it is a pain in relationships.
You'll just make yourself miserable if everything has to be perfect. I'm just assuming here of course, so don't be insulted. There is no way I can know you from just a few posts.
The hardest things for some people to get used to in a relationship are small annoying things. Yes, he'll fart, go to the bathroom, fail during sex a few times, leave a disgusting mess in the kitchen and leave a sock on your comb etc etc.
All this is nothing before the joy of companionship. At least to me :)

Perhaps the ladies are right and you need a councelor to straighten things up.