I think that it is very realistic for someone to date while they are fuller however, I have not been successful doing so. Mostly because I am not ready. I do not feel comfortable in my own skin and I feel so unattractive that I could not handle the pressure. I need to feel sexy and I have felt that way when I was thinner. Misssmcc- you can date however, it all depends on your confidence and comfort level with dating.

Sunshine- thats exactly how i feel. i have no problem getting guys, the problem im having is actually having the confidence and self esteem to return their advances.
So really, it's not the actual weight holding me back, it's the feeling i get about myself from having this weight on me. only one way to sort that out :) but seriously, i hate that something that shouldnt matter to me, really does. i know alot of people are losing weight for health reasons and thats so admirable, of course i want to be healthy, but i also want to be happy, and i am not happy fat.

Originally Posted by krampus:
All you can do is try, life is too short to put off until you reach some magic number. Confidence and knowing how to have fun is sexy and attractive. It sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment though, so maybe a ShanIAm-esque "me time" break from worrying about dating would be the best option. Learning to be alone but not lonely is an extremely important lesson and you will emerge ultimately a far more confident person.

:)

I totally agree with this! :hug:

Originally Posted by Sunshine87:
I think that it is very realistic for someone to date while they are fuller however, I have not been successful doing so. Mostly because I am not ready. I do not feel comfortable in my own skin and I feel so unattractive that I could not handle the pressure. I need to feel sexy and I have felt that way when I was thinner. Misssmcc- you can date however, it all depends on your confidence and comfort level with dating.

I agree because I was the same way! I'd go on these dating websites (tho dating websites have a whole different breed of males, I'm done with that crap haha) with pictures that looked good but be so down on myself because I was "chubbier" even though the guys didn't have a problem with it. I was insecure with no confidence and it shows and there for no one wants an insecure "Chubbie" chick. Confidence is the way to go, if you have it flaunt it for sure and if you can fake it do it!

Have you seen the movie Under the Tuscan Sun? I so relate to the main character's story, I lived it. There is a scene where a friend of Frances' is telling her a story about a time she wore herself out chasing after ladybugs, yet once she quit chasing them the ladybugs came and landed on her.

After my divorce my first relationship was with a man I at first thought was so different from my ex. Turned out he was just like him, just looked different. Once I realized this I sent him packing, and began to focus on learning who I was. It was a wonderful time in my life, like you stated I started doing all of the things in life I had always wanted to do like scuba diving. It was a wonderful time of personal growth and I the pounds I had gained during my marriage melted off.

I told a guy that I liked him once...he totally rejected me. After that I never tried. I have self esteem issues due to my weight, and this even affected some of my friendships. Plus junior college was quite bad for me, I kept getting teased and would be on the verge of tears some days. So I finally decided to try to lose weight...

Originally Posted by Sunshine87:
I think that it is very realistic for someone to date while they are fuller however, I have not been successful doing so. Mostly because I am not ready. I do not feel comfortable in my own skin and I feel so unattractive that I could not handle the pressure. I need to feel sexy and I have felt that way when I was thinner. Misssmcc- you can date however, it all depends on your confidence and comfort level with dating.

I completely agree with this. I'd never tell someone NOT to date while overweight, however I do believe that my weight has held me back from dating. Guys are very visual, and it's hard to have a lot of confidence when you don't feel pretty. I'm still overweight now, but as I've lost almost 50 lbs, I have SO much more confidence, and it's obvious. I do think you should love yourself no matter what weight you are, but I also think it's a LOT easier to do when you can look in the mirror and say, "I'm HOT!"

I just got out of an 8 month relationship, and I started to do the whole online thing...but then I realized I need to take the next few months and focus on myself. There's nothing wrong with being "alone" for a while. To be honest, it's a lot easier to lose weight when you're NOT dating, at least to me.

Originally Posted by desperate99:
I told a guy that I liked him once...he totally rejected me. After that I never tried. I have self esteem issues due to my weight, and this even affected some of my friendships. Plus junior college was quite bad for me, I kept getting teased and would be on the verge of tears some days. So I finally decided to try to lose weight...

Des, while I think it's awesome that you've decided to focus on you, I'd urge you to let go of what happened. This guy who rejected you is NOT the ultimate authority on whether or not you are worthy to be in a relationship - you are! If you don't have a good support system, you need to take steps to getting one in place. You also need to work on believing in you. You are SO worth fighting for, even if you are the only one doing the fighting.

I'm about 7 months out of my last relationship, having taken some time for myself. I feel that the alone time has been good, but I'm definitely ready for some companionship. I'm not at goal, but I'm almost half way there. I have more confidence and it shows. I've see-sawed about the online dating thing, but I think I do better in person than online. I live in the Austin area, and there are lots of fitness-conscious people here. I'm also a little older (43), which is a problem. Men my age want women in their 20's or 30's, and I'm not ready to settle down with someone in their late 50's or 60's! lol

I've never had men flock around me, but I don't think it has so much to do with the weight as it has my demeanor and personality in general. I consider myself above average in attractiveness, and I definitely don't look my age. Even my dermatologist was surprised at my age - she figured I was in my mid-30's. Some women are just natural magnets, no matter how much they weigh. Other women bury that under low self-esteem that improves once they lose weight. I don't expect to be much more popular with men when I hit goal than I ever have been. We'll see, I guess.

I once read a research study that found that men and women who had the most confidence and most happiness with their relationships, actually were rejected far more than those who didn't date much (for whatever reason).

Confident people actually get rejected MORE than shy people, because the put themselves "out there" more and they're not derailed by rejection, they don't take it as personally, and they just move on to the next person and the next opportunity.

Hearing that, changed my life. I realized that dating was a numbers game, the old "to find your prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs."

I may have had to kiss more frogs (well, actually flirt with more frogs, becasue I reserved kissing for only the most prince-like of frogs), but I did eventually find my frog-prince, because I kept looking - and I looked for what I really wanted, not what I thought would impress anyone but me.

Originally Posted by kaplods:
I once read a research study that found that men and women who had the most confidence and most happiness with their relationships, actually were rejected far more than those who didn't date much (for whatever reason).

Confident people actually get rejected MORE than shy people, because the put themselves "out there" more and they're not derailed by rejection, they don't take it as personally, and they just move on to the next person and the next opportunity.

Yes, this!! I have been rejected by men I like far more than I care to admit. In fact, just about every guy I've ever seriously liked has rejected me in some way after I've told him. And after each time I've said something, I've told myself I wouldn't do it again. But I still do it. I'm just the kind of person that believes in saying what I feel, even if I'm sure it will hurt in the end, because I know that not saying anything will hurt far more. But I also have had my share of good guys too, and I know that in the end, I will end up with that which I want most. I know that if I keep putting myself out there, eventually it will be right and it will fall into place.

And you know what? I've had a fair share of those 'rejectors' later realize that they made a poor decision in not giving me a chance. But by that time, I had already moved on with my love life. So I'm gonna wait for the one who jumps at the chance, because he's the one who's going to be worth it ;)

I understand. I have been completely undateable the past 7 1/2 years. I have felt so insecure I could not even dream about going on a date with a guy. I working to change that...