That's the crazy thing about life we grow up, we search to find ourselves and go through different stages of life in order to do that. I think you both as humans have just grown a part like any old friendship might do because you both believe in different things and have different point of views. I don't think the problem is you want to continue to have her in your life, I think the problem is you need closure in order to let her go from you life. Maybe write a letter to her explaining everything you feel (sometimes writing something is easier then speaking about it) read it over and maybe send it in the near future when you're read to hear her truth in what she has to say as well. I'd say your both on a fine line with each other and really you have nothing more to lose. Good luck
Accepting a person for who they are (even if you believe they have a sexual orientation that goes against your beliefs) does not mean throwing away your religious beliefs - it means embracing them. And I won't even get into the mean comments behind her back when browsing Facebook, you KNOW that is just wrong and you have the power to change it.
So pick up your bible, and ask your family or church - is this how a Christian should treat a "best friend"? Sometimes people get so wrapped up in judging what they think is right and wrong over something like a sexual orientation that they forget basic religious teachings.
Sacha: I have picked up my Bible. A lot more than I used to. I'm in the process of bettering myself, which is why I'm trying to figure out what to do here. I don't want to be this bitter, depressive person. I want to find some kind of closure as MiZTaCCen said above. As of right now, I'm not sure how to go about doing that, or if I still want Alice in my life. Either way, I believe, right now, I need to distance myself from her, but, again, I don't know how to forget her. I want to get rid of all these negative feelings, but it's going to be hard, because I'm such a negative, bitter person.
I always initiated everything. I don't know if this means anything, but once I was chatting with her when she was drunk, and she pretty much said that she always "liked-liked" me. I'm not sure if she was doing this to gauge a response, or was really drunk and didn't know what she was saying or not. I don't think she remembers, because she hasn't mentioned it again. If she really did feel that way, than my being straight and marrying my husband probably was the thing to push the wedge between us. I don't know. Like I said, she was drunk.
Booze can be like a truth serum. She probably did have real feelings for you, and when you moved away suddenly and didn't tell her, she probably felt betrayed and confused. Also knowing your not bi, she could be trying to protect her heart and staying away from you.
I don't think its her lifestyle choice thats the issue for you, but how she's treating you.
Losing a friend who choses to leave you behind hurts a lot. Give yourself time to grieve and accept its over. Sorry your having such a rough time.
you should let her go. you two are not compatable as friends any longer and that's okay. it happens sometimes and it's nothing that either of you two did wrong that caused it- life just happens and you have to keep going.
i admit to relating more to your friend than to you in this situation, but i do think there have been hurtful things on both sides and you are now both in such completely different worlds that a friendship even on stead ground couldn't survive it.
I've lived long enough to know there's different kinds of friendships.
Like geographical friendship -- you are only friends while living in the same area, but if one moves, then not so much.
Or age-stage friendships -- friends only while still in school together, but not so much later. Or while single together, but it changes when one gets married. That kind of thing.
Friends all through life -- that's a whole other category, and even with those, they evolved and morph all through your life to adapt and adjust to whatever else is going on in their friends lives.
Your friend is going through a phase of figuring herself out and exploring. You may be feeling like she's leaving you behind or swapping you out for other people. But if she's your friend for life, you both will endure this stage and hopefully come back together later in a new morph and the friendship will remain. Time will tell.
If this is as long as the friendship could go, let it go with grace. Time will also tell if it was an "age-stage" type and you both outgrew it.
What I find interesting is that you don't mention any OTHER of your friends. Maybe you could spend some time with other (old) friends, and make some (new) friends? If you spent time cultivating other relationships, perhaps then you would feel better?
People change, this is obviously a friendship that has run it's course and it's time to move on. I've had to move away from friendships as painful as it's been. A girl who was my best friend when we were young all the way up through high school and college basically ditched me when she met a certain guy. She was my maid of honor and everything in my wedding (those pictures are a bit painful to look at now) but I had no choice in cutting off the friendship.
I recently found out she married that guy and it was painful to hear but I had to just push it out of my head and keep going about my life. That's just what you have to do. It sounds like honestly SHE doesn't consider you much of a friend either with her behavior towards you IMO.
This is turning me into a person I don't want to be....
we don't want this to happen!!
Avery, you were kind enough to respond to MY problem about friends, i hope I can help you in any way.
I am so sorry that someone who you considered your best friend, is not living up the what you would like friend-wise. I agree that her putting you on the 'fake' FB page is mean. She obviously has gone through a lot of personal changes, contrary to her strict upbringing, far different than when you guys were in second grade It does hurt so much when you don't get what you want/need from a 'friend'. You know you did your part when you listened when she would unload on you when she was depressed.
You might just have to accept that you two are very different now from when you were younger...and that it might be less painful to just cut her loose. to you!!
Last edited by VermontMom; 05-19-2011 at 03:43 PM.
I think of these as left/right friendships, and they can be very difficult. Because of deeply held convictions, you both can't really be "real" with each other. I used to be quite right-leaning but have moved waaay over to the left now, and I do have some Christian friends left. I can only be real about my beliefs and opinions with two or three of them: they are great! That's pretty rare, I think. The others I don't really get into deep conversations with because we differ so very drastically in our leanings/beliefs and I really don't want us to argue, so they are more acquaintances.
This one sounds like one that isn't real because of fear on both sides. Sometimes it's just not possible to meet halfway.
I don't think you need to really worry about letting her "go". It sounds like she has already done that. She had cut the cord, and is trying to move on... I would recommend that you just put her in the past as a "good old friend" and move on yourself. Smile and be friendly if you see her in public, otherwise let her be. It is so totally not worth the drama.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller
astrophe: That's because she is really the only deep friendship I ever had (besides my husband). Everyone else I thought were my friends cut the cord as soon as they graduated. We always had this thing where one of us would go off a little, make new friends (mostly her), then ditch those friends and return to each other, saying that she/me was the only true friend we ever had.
Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever hun.
Sounds like you 2 are TOTALLY different people. If you met her tomorrow as a stranger you probably wouldn't invite her to dinner. I say remove the FB connection, cherish your happy memories & tuck Alice into the past where this seemingly toxic relationship deserves to be.
That's because she is really the only deep friendship I ever had (besides my husband). Everyone else I thought were my friends cut the cord as soon as they graduated. We always had this thing where one of us would go off a little, make new friends (mostly her), then ditch those friends and return to each other, saying that she/me was the only true friend we ever had.
Again... if she's needing to explore right now, let her be. She's done this in the past, so let it alone. If she comes back, she comes back. If she doesn't, she doesn't.
It still doesn't change your need for connection -- so best to start to cultivate new friendships, deepen older ones.
Nobody says that if/when she comes back you can have more than one good friend!
Take heart. It will be ok however it turns out with her and in the meanwhile, you are branching out too.
Life is about change and us growing and changing....the maintaining of relationships we have with friends, so's, parents, children etc are whether or not we can adapt their changes and theirs to ours sometimes we grow together sometimes its apart....
As far as the Christian aspect, my Bible says to hate the sin but love the sinner. I was taught that the gay lifestyle is wrong, but frankly I see as many good alternative lifestyle couples as I do the traditional ones and thats some of my changing views on the topic.
With regard to the "like" statement, I had a crush on one of my facebook friends in high school, do I want to drop everything and run off with him...no, maybe it was her trying to tell you that she has always been gay and you were her friend then so why make it an issue now that you know. I dont agree with all the things my friends do, doesnt make me not like them any more. One friend is a chronic cheater always has been, he's a really great friend to me and hubby, but he's terrible at commitment. I am sure you will have other topic of conversation besides her sexual orientation if you want to be her friend.
It does hurt so much when you don't get what you want/need from a 'friend'. You know you did your part when you listened when she would unload on you when she was depressed. 
