Thoughts on whether she is too young or not are completely irrelevant - your cousin is sexually active. If she wants to be, she will find a way to make it happen.

You have the choice - be there for her and be that level-headed adult figure that she can come to with questions, fears, or if there is a problem...or, let her obtain her education from her equally-educated friends and the Internet.

I think you've made the right choice in being open and warning her about the complications and dangers of sex without being preachy or coming across as judgmental.

Originally Posted by :
Suggesting safER sex, rather than "safe" sex is good too. Nothing, birth controls, condoms, etc, is ever 100% and a lot of schools/parents/teachers etc will make it sound like they are. Sure, birth control is 99.8% and condoms, when properly used, are something like 98, but there's still a little wiggle room for those swimmy bast*rds to get through (no pun intended).

THIS. This this this!

Do you have a Planned Parenthood in your area? Make sure that your cousin knows that she can get affordable birth control (such as the Pill...not just condoms, though both are important in young relationships) there, on her own. She needs to be informed, empowered, and in control of her own body whether or not she continues sexual activity.

A lot of (I'd even say most) Sexual Education and health classes in school are wholly inadequate (either attempted STD-shock/fear education or abstinence-only)...and sadly, many parents are not picking up the slack. Not to say that's what is happening in this situation, but the situation as a whole leads to a lot of confusion, broken hearts, and unwanted pregnancies. These kids are often not even being educated on their own bodies (I had to explain how menstrual cycles work to a handful of graduating female seniors this year...), and I'm terrified to think of the misconceptions they have regarding sex.

Knowledge truly is power. Empower the young ladies in your life.

Originally Posted by ICUwishing:
Not sure how CA laws are, but here in Michigan, penalties for minors caught in compromising positions can result in 25 years on a Registered Sex Offenders list, regardless of consent. So, there are some serious long-term legal consequences to dropping your pants too, if one of the participants is under 16. It gets ugly!

In California it is a crime to have sex with minors , even if it is consensual. This guy could be arrested for statuatory rape and that carries a prison sentance.

Originally Posted by bargoo:
In California it is a crime to have sex with minors , even if it is consensual. This guy could be arrested for statuatory rape and that carries a prison sentance.

Which is sad, really, as so many things go wrong. While I am not downplaying rape in any way, it often happens that a perfectly willing and consentual partner will cry rape when things go bad (unwanted pregnancy, got dumped, so on). It is unfair on both sides, with a bias against males (I understand the intent and how it ended up that way, but doesnt make it right), not to mention that it trivializes actual rape.

Rape is horrible and tragic, but it is also a great tragedy to watch a bratty young girl cry "rape" after a sexual relationship ends or goes badly simply because she is no longer getting her way, embarassed, or in a difficult situation. Again, not saying that is what is happening here (or that it always happens that way), but these things do occur.

I didnt mean to derail this thread into ranting about fairly archaic age of consent laws. I do, however, think that the OP is going to play a crucial role in the life of the young lady we are discussing, and that there are many angles that the OP needs to consider.

Protect the young by providing them with the knowledge to help and protect themselves. One simply cannot expect that a young, headstrong individual will obey an ideal simply.because it is illegal or because an authority figure says that it's wrong. They will make their own decisions, and any attempts to ignore the issue can easily lead to lying, sneaking, and all other sorts of things that can result in harsher/more dangerous reprecussions than a broken heart. Better to educate the child and know that you have empowered her to make the best decisions that she can (including choosing not to put herself in.those situations to begin with), and know that even if she chooses differently than you hope, she at least has the knowlede to keep herself as safe as she can. That way, more likely to end up with a broken heart than an unwanted pregancy or STD with even more difficult adult choices to deal with.

OP, you are doing a great thing in being there for a young girl is going to need some guidance. To conclude...while the situation isn't desirable, it is only bad if handled in the wrong manner. Didnt mean to come across as lecturing or ranty, and I'm posting on my phone so here's hoping it doesnt turn into a giant wall of text!

@arcticfrogs I agree with what you posted i basically told her that while the best choice is to wait that at the end the decision is hers and that she shouldn't be pressured by anyone to have sex but if she chose to that she be safe about it at all times. It may have been awhile since I was in that teenage mindset but I do remember that the more I heard no the more rebellious I was.

I let her know that condoms are accessible and unfortunately there is no planned parenthood in this town but I told her about birth control although around here her mom would have to take her to a doctor for that but at least in my opinion if she asked her mom about birth control pills it will show she is taking a step in the right direction meaning trying to be responsible. I feel that trying to scare her will only push her away and get her to sneaking around after all you don't need a bedroom to have sex you can basically just do it anywhere and I wouldn't like to see her with an STD or an unwanted pregnancy.

Reading all these posts has really shined a light on the situation making me see it a bit differently and giving me a good lesson when my own little girl starts asking about these types of things. Thank you for all your different opinions, you ladies have helped out a great deal! My cousin can get a bit bratty she is completely spoiled so I said hi to her today just a couple feet from her and she looked at me and ignored me! So I told her she had a certain glow about her and she immediately turned red and said hi LOL I couldn't help myself her attitude stinks sometimes.

Originally Posted by NiteOwlMommy:
Reading all these posts has really shined a light on the situation making me see it a bit differently and giving me a good lesson when my own little girl starts asking about these types of things. Thank you for all your different opinions, you ladies have helped out a great deal! My cousin can get a bit bratty she is completely spoiled so I said hi to her today just a couple feet from her and she looked at me and ignored me! So I told her she had a certain glow about her and she immediately turned red and said hi LOL I couldn't help myself her attitude stinks sometimes.

I honestly think education about our bodies, babies, etc should start before questions but if questions come up, then those are good times for learning opportunities. Obviously the talks are different based on age, a 4 year old vs 10 yr old vs 14 yr old.

Originally Posted by DZilnicki:
.....
Bottom line: The choice to have sex is ultimately up to the teenagers, not the parents......

Oh I sooooooooooooo Agree!

Just as soon as those teen-agers can fully support themselves and the baby/ies without the help from their parents/state or federal government....

not only emotionally and financially....

when that happens then parents/friends and family can step in and help in ways such as rocking the baby, giving the parents a few hours of R and R from time to time.....

I drive by several high schools on a daily basis...I see many...MANY young girls pushing kids home in strollers....

I don't see any husbands with them....they all must be at work ;)

Pretty sure most if not all of these young girls are headed to their parents homes....

:(

Originally Posted by EZMONEY:
Oh I sooooooooooooo Agree!

Just as soon as those teen-agers can fully support themselves and the baby/ies without the help from their parents/state or federal government....

not only emotionally and financially....

when that happens then parents/friends and family can step in and help in ways such as rocking the baby, giving the parents a few hours of R and R from time to time.....

I drive by several high schools on a daily basis...I see many...MANY young girls pushing kids home in strollers....

I don't see any husbands with them....they all must be at work ;)

Pretty sure most if not all of these young girls are headed to their parents homes....

:(

Sex does not equate having children. Teenagers can have sex without getting pregnant and many actually do. With the use of a simple condom, cheap and easy, they can have fun and freedom at the same time.

The problem is not sex, but attitude and knowledge.

Originally Posted by Chubbykins:
Sex does not equate having children. Teenagers can have sex without getting pregnant and many actually do. With the use of a simple condom, cheap and easy, they can have fun and freedom at the same time.

The problem is not sex, but attitude and knowledge.

The problem with that theory is that teenagers think they know everything.

Originally Posted by Chubbykins:
Sex does not equate having children. Teenagers can have sex without getting pregnant and many actually do. With the use of a simple condom, cheap and easy, they can have fun and freedom at the same time.

The problem is not sex, but attitude and knowledge.

:D Yep...I know a lot of people with kids that thought the same thing!

I am sure for every one of the many-MANY high school girls I see pushing those strollers there are many-MANY more that got :lucky: lucky...

so far....

Originally Posted by Chubbykins:
Sex does not equate having children. Teenagers can have sex without getting pregnant and many actually do. With the use of a simple condom, cheap and easy, they can have fun and freedom at the same time.

The problem is not sex, but attitude and knowledge.

True, you can have sex without getting pregnant, but condoms break or leak, especially if it's put on by someone inexperienced with their use. Or, even worse, they get condoms from a gas station or a friend and it's expired or damaged. Condoms aren't a fail safe. Sex is never just "fun and freedom" when you aren't in a position to deal with the consequences of having sex. Pregnancy is only one consequence.

As for my opinion, yes, it is too young. I became sexually active at 14. I wasn't having intercourse, but we were messing around with oral sex. That relationship ended up with him dumping me and spreading rumors. I found out later that the girl he dumped me for, who I later became friends with, got an STD from him after he cheated on her. That's just TOOOO much drama for a kid to deal with.

The one option that no one has brought up is - self-help :o

Why not talk with her about toys, or other options to have fun, that don't have some of the consequences of intercourse.

Just another suggestion.....

Originally Posted by ready4skinny:
The one option that no one has brought up is - self-help :o

Why not talk with her about toys, or other options to have fun, that don't have some of the consequences of intercourse.

Just another suggestion.....

:) Good answer :)

I think people tend to think teenagers are idiots.
I grew up in well educated circles and not one of my many friends got pregnant or had stds, while most had sex from as early as twelve. I do not know details but they considered themselves sexually active.
From my experience good education equals the best possible safety.
As for condoms that break or have expired... well you can teach even an eight year old to check out expiration dates or go to the pharmacy instead of shady places to buy birth control. And the same goes on how to wear a condom. I didn't have sex until I was twenty, but my mom still taught me when I had my first period how to put a condom on a banana. She made it a really funny experience for me, about which I still laugh when I remember it. Condoms are tools and parents should teach their adolecent kids to use 'em like they teach them to use the lawn mower etc.
And my mom never gave me the birds and bees crap. I knew what sex was when I was six in all its scientific and true glory. I still did not become a nympho and have had sex only with the man I am going to marry.
This is of course all my own opinion on how I experienced such things. The only girl I know that got gonoreah and another one who got pregnant before 16 were not educated by their far too prude parents, who didn't tell them anything about sex hoping that this is a good birth control method. Ignorance kills and traumatises.

Originally Posted by Chubbykins:
I think people tend to think teenagers are idiots.
I grew up in well educated circles and not one of my many friends got pregnant or had stds, while most had sex from as early as twelve. I do not know details but they considered themselves sexually active.
From my experience good education equals the best possible safety.
As for condoms that break or have expired... well you can teach even an eight year old to check out expiration dates or go to the pharmacy instead of shady places to buy birth control. And the same goes on how to wear a condom. I didn't have sex until I was twenty, but my mom still taught me when I had my first period how to put a condom on a banana. She made it a really funny experience for me, about which I still laugh when I remember it. Condoms are tools and parents should teach their adolecent kids to use 'em like they teach them to use the lawn mower etc.
And my mom never gave me the birds and bees crap. I knew what sex was when I was six in all its scientific and true glory. I still did not become a nympho and have had sex only with the man I am going to marry.
This is of course all my own opinion on how I experienced such things. The only girl I know that got gonoreah and another one who got pregnant before 16 were not educated by their far too prude parents, who didn't tell them anything about sex hoping that this is a good birth control method. Ignorance kills and traumatises.

Well, some teenagers ARE idiots...but then, there are plenty of idiotic ADULTS, too. I work around alcohol - ask me how I know! *grins*

You've absolutely hit the nail on the head in your post...the key to all of this is education.

:D Hilarious! :D

As the husband and father of teachers and father of children/nephew that all went to school in recent years I can assure you that most if not all of those girls I see pushing strollers to their parents homes, without the fathers, have been "sex" educated in the school system....

So...I am still :?: as why some think it is ok for 14 year olds to have sex since they know they will have a chance of having babies that they cannot provide for....