Let us know how it goes. Did your ex bf take it really hard? Is he mad?

Originally Posted by RiverWind:
He is the type of guy who more or less worships the ground I walk on, would do anything in the universe for me, and loves me completely.

He started school to work toward getting us out of here.

A few weeks ago something interesting happened. I started talking on Facebook with an old boyfriend, of sorts. This isn't your typical ex.

I want this same kind of lifestyle and he and I have really seemed to hit it off all over again even after all this time. This sort of lifestyle is not something I could have with my current bf. He didn't grow up that way and doesn't know anything about it.

I'm miserable where I am with nothing going for me and no opportunities and I live like a hermit cramped up in this apartment day in and day out. 3000 miles away I have horses, better opportunity for finding a job, my mother is there, etc. But I just don't know if I can bring myself to hurt my current bf like this. It will absolutely kill him, I know it will. He is why I've stayed...I know he loves me and I know that he is doing everything he can to get us out of here.

This is going to sound harsh, but in reality it's the truth.

I'm sorry the only thing I keep seeing in this post is how selfish you are in keeping around a guy who loves you. Not once have I seen or heard you say you love him at all, or really respect the guy for going back and speaking with your ex boyfriend and wanting the life style the ex is living, and saying how your current bf didn't grow up that way and knows nothing about it.

First off your going to end up hurting the guy anyways because obviously you aren't happy and you clearly just aren't into him. I say let the poor guy go so he can move on with his life with a girl who actually cares and will love him the same way as he would her.

As for you, to move on and go find a guy who you love and care for as well so you can be happy. 3 years is a long time you've already wasted of his time and yours. I'd say move on and allow him to move on as well so you both can have better lives living the LIFE you want.

I have to say that I think you're out of line. I'm sorry if, in the middle of all of this and being an emotional wreck right now, I'm not so focused on my own feelings the way I should be. For you to call me "selfish" is rude and only goes to show that I clearly didn't mention things I should have said or worded things correctly. For that I'm sorry. My bad. I didn't mention my own feelings because I am too worried about everyone else's. And, fyi, I have NOT "wasted 3 years" of his time or mine. Thats a nasty thing to say. I am not the sort who would stay in a relationship and move in with someone for three years if nothing was ever there in the first place motivating me to do so. Are you trying to tell me that people who are married for 20 years then get divorced did nothing but waste 20 years of their lives? You're right...I didn't talk about my feelings and mention that I do, in fact, love him. But I never said I didn't either. If this wasn't such a struggle..if it was so easy..if I felt nothing...I would have been gone instantly without a thought. I would not have agonized and cried over it for weeks. I would not have come to all of you asking for different perspectives.
As for the guy I recently got back in touch with...sure it had an effect on things and sent me into an emotional tailspin for awhile. But I have pretty much stopped talking to him and eliminated him from the picture because I don't need that added stress or false influence on my decisions. I haven't seen him for 10 years and I'm not all that excited to see him just now. I guess things in that department have changed. Like a poster said earlier...nostalgia is a powerful thing. But after a lot of thought, I think maybe thats all it was. One way or another, I'm not worrying about it. Too many other things to consider and figure out.

I will apologize at the fact I offended you, but what I read is what I saw out of it was you were selfish. (to me that’s my opinion from the first post.) Now that you’ve stated your feeling about him and that you do love him is different. If you’re more concerned about other people’s feelings then your own that’s an issue on it’s own but somewhere maybe state you at least feeling something for someone else to begin with. It’s a message board, I don’t know you personally and I’m sure people who do know you love him very much. But when you post one side only which is JUST his feelings, too me it came across you were selfish and had been wasting his time because you were all about the love he was giving you and not you giving back. (Again that’s what I saw in the first post.) Do I think people who split up from a 20 year marriage wasted each other’s time no, unless it was a marriage where 5 years into it they couldn’t stand each other and stuck it out for the kids…then YES they wasted each other’s time because they were more concerned about being miserable instead of having their children witness happy parents. Life sucks and there’s going to be ups and downs and sometimes good things fall apart as well as bad things for better ones to come along. It’s just how it is.

River - I just want to say good luck to you. I hope you can use the time with your mom to regroup and figure out what's next for you in live, romantically and othewise.

I'm unsure if you mentioned this to your boyfriend as you did not refer to it in your original post - Did you even tell your boyfriend your NEED to have horses in your life and that kind of lifestyle? Granted - I'm sure you did as you were with him for 3 years but just in case...

I'm in the same boat as you - horses are my PASSION and drive for life and I need them in my life... no ifs, ands, or buts! I'm also a dog and cat lover and need those in my life but horses #1. My first boyfriend, hated pets and did not want any... I decided I could "live" without them in order to be with him but I was depressed. We broke up and I got my own cat (find out later that he soon got a dog with his 'now' wife). HA - now I won't date anyone who doesn't want a cat! Met my 2cnd boyfriend - likes cats but not dogs! But I wanted a great dane so bad and I tried to convince him but he always told me how dogs are stupid. We broke up so my new stipulation was.... get a boyfriend who likes cats and dogs!

I'm currently in a relationship with my boyfriend and we have 2 cats and I was allowed to get my great dane. I was tired of always trying to change my passion in order to be with a guy. I found a guy who also wanted a similar lifestyle. I made sure from the beginning I let him know that I WILL and MUST get horses, whether with you or without you. He doesn't know anything in the slightest detail about horses but he is willing to learn. Actually, he's quite excited about the idea of having horses and is trying to come up with business ideas, as that is his passion (ie. trail riding, horse boarding, tack shop, etc).

I just wanted to let you know my experience. Does you boyfriend know of your passion and is willing to accommodate your needs? Have you had this discussion before? If so and he does NOT want horses.... then yes, go ahead and find someone who wants to live the same life as you (as that's no way to live ;)) I don't mean necessarily go date that cowboy you were talking about.... stay single for awhile and grasp what you want in life. And sure enough, YOUR cowboy will come your way (and he may not even be a cowboy - just someone who knows nothing about horses but wants to be your cowboy).