When I was much younger, I got hit on at the grocery store all the time - but I worked there, so it gave guys a good "excuse" to strike up conversations. Of course, most of them were creepy older guys who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs, but it did happen :lol:. I married a guy I met at the grocery store, but he worked there too (and managed to at least be discrete about staring at my boobs :lol:). I will say, though, that I saw a lot more conversation amongst customers at the kind of store I worked at (smallish health food grocery store) than I've ever seen as a customer at the big chain stores like Vons or Albertsons or something. I think the atmosphere was more conducive to customers asking each other for help - like if you were in the supplement department staring hopelessly at all the protein powder choices and a guy comes up who seems to know what he's looking for, it would be easy to say, "Hey, what kind of powder are you buying and why? I'm trying to decide what to get" - that sort of thing.

Eclipse, you're making me think I need to be helpless at Lowe's or Home Depot. :D

After reading this thread, I realized that I "go out" all the time, but I don't think of it that way. I mean, I don't go out for the sake of "going out," if that makes sense. I'm pursuing a particular interest, whether that's at a gallery opening of a friend of a friend, or a very small documentary film downtown that will only be showing for a few weeks, or to hear a particular poet whom I admire, or to a museum exhibit, or to a play. I often chat briefly with people around me, but I've never chosen to contact them again afterward. Since I'm not particularly looking for anyone, but involved with the thing I'm doing, I may actually give off a standoffish vibe. (Well, maybe I don't, since I do chat with people.) Anyway, Eliana, the weekend & art section & event calendar are your new friends. Get familiar with them. Bulletin boards at coffee houses of the type you visited also can be helpful. Do you have an alternative newsweekly in your area? They're usually good about arts & events coverage. (For myself it's the Times, the Voice, Time Out NY & NY magazine. There has to some equivalent where you live.) Artists & creative people always find one another, no matter where they live, and you just need to find your own kind.

And what would that be these days? :p I've always been the artsy type myself, but I'm not necessarily looking for that in a partner. I have that side of me, but it no longer makes me who I am. It used to. It's what I defined myself by. These days I define myself more as an outdoorsy, adventurous type. I've always had THAT part of my personality too, but was too afraid and/or too fat to tickle it. I was thinking about that at the coffee house. I'm sure I'd have some fascinating conversations and meet some fascinating people, but they're not the type of people I'd partner with. I hate to base things on appearance, but at first sight that IS all you have. As I looked around, none of the men interested me. They were all the casual, laid back, musician type. Nothing wrong with that! It's just no longer what I'm looking for.

In short, Saef, yep. I love everything you described and intend to get out there and enjoy the culture in my area. But I need to switch my focus to just having fun and meeting people. Right now there's almost a need in my brain to find someone to validate all the changes I've made. It's horrible, and I hate it, but I need someone to find me attractive. I don't even care if it goes anywhere. I'd almost jump for joy to be able to say, "Nope, sorry, not interested." :D Once I get over that hurtle, I think I can go back to being me. I know exactly where this stems from too. Some of my ex's issues have had a major psychological impact on me, more than I had realized. I feel very unattractive, unloveable, undesireable...

Wow do I sound shallow. I do not like this phase in my life.

Listen up Eliana, there is nothing shallow about wanting to go out and get noticed, especially when you're coming out of a divorce and newly single. There is a very strong urge to improve and change your life after a split, which is why a lot of people find motivation to lose weight or get that edgy haircut or take up a crazy new hobby from breakups.

Also, I don't think most of us would wear nice clothes or makeup if we weren't all thinking "I hope a man does a double-take or a woman compliments my outfit" somewhere deep down within ourselves. Sometimes it's really fun to get completely dolled up before going out in public for no reason at all. I'd be willing to bet that the confidence that comes from within would be more than enough to get heads turning.

I don't know who mentioned it way earlier but Barnes and Noble isn't a bad place to meet someone. My ex met his fiance there.

Second, I do really really like coffee shops (non-Starbucks/chain places). Ours always has music, art exhibits, literary crap, etc. Tons of tables, chairs big comfy couches and a nice patio that's usually packed (which we can hear from our backyard :( ).

I also agree with First Friday, then there's usually art classes, pottery, dance lessons, etc at the community center for very little money. At one point, there was a big inflatable movie screen put up in the middle of a park and they were viewing a new release movie. Also, keep in mind a lot of places do "Shakespeare in the Park" during the summers.

Basically, do what you find fun and you'll end up meeting guys with similiar interests unless it's geared only towards women. I don't think you're going to meet many willing met at a Mary Kay meeting or anything. :D

Is there a running store in your area? My local one has runner's groups, and one is specifically for single runners. Do you have a dog? If so, maybe a dog park.

There is nothing at all shallow about wanting to go out and get noticed, not at all. :)