I have a sister that I am very close with and who I love dearly. When we were growing up she was the smater one, the prettier one, the more popular one and as we got older I was always so jealous of all she 'had' and what I did not have.
We grew up with 2 alocholic fathers and all the 'fun' that comes with growing up in dysfunctional familes. I had several abusive relationships and had a child with a very abusive man. In the meantime, my sister married an older guy, purchased a home, took trips and seemed to have everything I always wanted. I finally found my back bone, got rid of the abusers and meet my husband. We have always struggled financially but it seemed to me my sister and her family we much better off than us.
However, for the past 7 years or so, her life has taken a huge turn for the worst. Her husband, who I never really liked, became a full blown alocholic, who never took part in his kids life. He resgined from a well paying job and has floated from job to job since and is currently unemployed, which by the way is his fault.
My husband and I have had our ups and downs and we have been seperated however, I would NEVER have put up with what my sister has with her husband. They lost their house, the are consiently struggling, unable to pay thier bills. It has gotten to the point that I almost dread talking to her because of all the misery she is in and how hard her life is.
I know it does not make sense but I feel guilty becuase I am not suffering like she is. I do not feel superior, just so damn guilty, like why does everything have to happen to her. She is a good person, she works hard but just cannot catch a break.
I feel guilty because I have a daugher who is about 1 1/2 years older than hers. Mine is very outing, self assured and just finishing her first year of college. Her daughter has emitional problems and barley finished H.S.
What can I do to get over my feelings of guilt. It is driving me crazy. I know rationally that "I" am not the cause of her problems but I feel like I need to 'fix' them and know I can't.
Any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated.

What your sister is going through really stinks. And it stinks that you feel so guilty, but I understand completely. Like, "what did I do to have a stable life, and why is everything crashing around her?" I have a sister as well and we are very close. She is struggling with some things right now and I feel bad because I'm not struggling with anything at the moment. I have had my struggles and I'm sure she felt bad...that's just the nature of caring for someone. Just be there for her if she needs someone to talk to. I know it might be hard for you to hear about her life, but if she is calling you to talk about her life, then it shows how much she needs you to listen and hear what she has to say...she is depending on you to be her support. It's easier said than done, but try not to let the guilt get to you...like you said, you didn't do anything, it's just the "sister" guilt.

Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.-- Shari R. Barr

Things are happening to her because of the path of life she has chosen. It happens to all of us at some point in life. We are put through these tests to come out stronger and better people. I understand your guilt because it's your sister but it's life unless you can help her out theres nothing you can do but offer her love and support. Maybe the problem is since she (and I could be wrong but this is what I'm getting from it) should leave the dead beat husband and start a life of her own with the children. (Obviously easier said then done but sometimes to remove the root of the problem and to start over and continue on with your life instead of continuing on staying in the tornado that continues to bring you down is better.)

Thank you so much for your understanding. I do logically know that many of the problems she has are due to choices she makes in her life. I need to work on being supportive without having the constant need to 'fix' it.
I just love her so much and it is hard to see her struggle.

Just remember that you shouldn't feel guilty. Your life wasn't easy either. You suffered in the past and are not now, but she is. We all suffer crap in this awful system of things that we live in. the really sad thing is that her child is suffering so much from this. I guess all you can do is be supportive or her and encourage her to get help for her and her daughter.

Just wanted to add that I am sure she saw signs of him drifting toward being an alocholic. Its not like we wake up one day and just start drinking hard. He avoided his children and had nothing to do with their lives..what was he doing than? Your sister was probably focusing on what she had, rather than the ticking time bomb she was living with. She will now have to take the steps you took to make her life better. You've been there, so you can offer some insight and help as she needs it.

I have been in a similar position, I think anyone with siblings can relate. My sister is younger and she was blessed in the looks department. I always envied her for this until recently. My sister didn't complete high school and has alot of issues over the years. I do feel guilty that I have more success than my sister. It pains me to see her struggle in life. I know I cannot do anything for my sister other than be there for her. I call her during the week, visits during the month and always email or text message. We always have a blast when were together and I think it lets us both unwind from the stress of life. I know its easier said than done but you have to realize that what your sister is going through is not your fault. Enjoy the time you have together and be the best sister and friend you can be during her tough times. Trust me, the gift of a sister is amazing. And your sister will appreciate you always being there for her above anything else.