Having chosen relationship over career last year when I quit my job and moved across the world with my boyfriend, it's not working. Our relationship is better than ever but after some short term consulting work I have zero career prospects for the remaining 1.5 years he'll be remaining overseas. I/we have decided I'll be job searching in both Asia and across the US and end up wherever I land a promising job. Our "plan" for this two-year stint and the next two-year stint he'll be taking isn't really working out so far. I'm not convinced you can have your cake and eat it too... at least for right now I'm having to make a clear decision of career over relationship :-/

I chose my relationship.

My career (working in policing) was around $80,000/yr and I loved it but stress, fatigue (swing shifts), and partying is a big part of it. I met my husband in very late 2007 and now we have a 10 month old son. We're moving back to his hometown in a few weeks (which has a different official language - I don't speak it) and I've quit my job to be a stay at home mom. My life is happier and more fulfilled. Do I miss my career? Yes. I loved my job. But I am not my job. I will either learn the language and go back to it, or go into other things. I'm also a certified ESL teacher so I can easily do that too.

I'm 27. Not an 'older' chick, I don't think, but I had my career since I was 19 (I got into it quite early) and I just wanted some balance in my life. I worked, worked, worked, always on friday/saturday nights (no choice), never had much of a social life outside drinking with work friends during the week, and now I'm happier.

I have a few work friends who are now in their 30's and still complain that they cannot meet a man - yet they are literally working 6-7 days/nights a week (12 hour shifts) making outrageous amounts of money and are never available to meet anyone. They put their jobs ahead of everything. That's where I draw the line. It's unfortunately very common in that field, not sure about anyone else's.

And usually you can't have your cake unfortunately. I think I'll be okay as I'm a trained ESL teacher but realistically it's a hard adjustment. If you enjoy your career, then yes, it will suffer. The question is - can you really see a long term solution? I can for myself and it's no problem. Can you?/

sacha thanks for sharing your story. For me my identity is wrapped up so much in what I do from 9-5 (well... usually ends up being 9-7 on most days :P). I think part of it is my personality and part is my line of work (human rights). I do derive senses of self-worth from what I contribute professionally. I guess we all derive self-worth from different sources, be it relationships, mother/fatherhood, religion, etc. I'm still struggling with where the balance is and what is most healthy.

It's interesting to hear about your friends. I do not want to end up like that, as it sounds like you didn't either. I tell myself I can choose relationships later (when I'm ready for a family) and career right now, but I know in reality that's not exactly the case. Opportunity costs for quitting work for a family are high, so are sacrificing a social life for working Fridays and Saturdays.

I do know right now being with my boyfriend and not working is not "ok" for me. I am not happy this way. I tried it, it's not working. I hate that a decision to leave him for a job but the status quo is not sustainable.

I work as an assistant project engineer. Unfortunately, that often entails late nights and weekend work. I spent almost three years arriving at the office at 6:00 a.m. and leaving after 6:00 in the evening. My commute was 45 minutes each way.

I'm currently unemployed, and I'm really reassessing things. Was it worth giving up three years of having a social life just to earn a paycheck? I'm 34, still single, and really have no prospects. I could blame it on my weight, but it's lack of social interaction--when you live in the office, you can't have that.

I've been offered a position in CA when the project starts--it's been pushed back six months. I'll be working by then, and I'll have to decide if I'm willing to take the chance and move...45 minutes from the only man I've cared about in the past 5 years...or stay in AZ where it's safe, where I own a house, etc.

What's more important? Him or your career?