Cleavage and confidence
 

Ok, so I'm a conservative prude. I am! But I have cleavage, it's one of my finer assets, and darn it a lot of really cute tops reveal it. I don't want to wear a cami under all my shirts.

All this week I have broken out of my comfort zone with some new clothes I bought. They flatter the figure and yes, I show a bit of cleavage and I bought a fabulous bra for the job.

But I am terribly uncomfortable, and I really don't think I'm showing more than most women!

But no one's eyes stay up! Actually, that's not true. The eyes of the WOMEN fall to my chest, but the eyes of the men do not. I think men must just be well trained. :D

Do you think this could be because I'm dressing differently than my usual? I've had a bunch of weight loss comments this week, so the change of wardrobe has definitely made people take notice. But it's making me uncomfortable! How do you ladies deal with this? Shoulders back? Head held high? Or do you walk around with a folder in your arms to cover yourself? :?:

Follow their eyes down to your chest to let them know you caught them lol. I', jealous. I no longer have cleavage or nice boobs :(

The women in your life are probably just distracted by the new style of dress. Walk with your shoulders back, head high and chest up. Rock that cleavage honey. :)

I think you are more keenly aware of your cleavage from your own point of view - your peripheral vision can see down your shirt and then if you look down, you can see even more. :eek:

But others do not have this POV!

When you look in the mirror and see the cleavage, that is what others see and not down your shirt.

Head high, shoulders back, 'girls' at attention!

Honestly, if I saw a woman who usually wore more conservative clothing suddenly wearing more revealing tops, I would probably take a glance also. For me, It wouldn't be a sexual or judgmental glance, it would be because I'm noticing something different.

Agree, as long as the boobs aren't popping out (in a trashy way), strut what you have and enjoy it. I know I would! :carrot::carrot:

The women are envious of what you have and the guys? They are looking, but they are sneaky. They get it in quick glances when your not looking..

I don't show cleavage unless I am home with my DH. I too am uncomfortable showing it, and just decided I didn't want to deal with it. Now that I am married, I don't want the attention at all unless its from my husband. :)

Be proud of your "girls"! There's no point in buying cute tops if you're going to cover them up. ;)

Since you changed your style and got a well fitted bra, your weight loss and figure is probably more defined.

I tell you, when I got bras that fitted well, it looked like I lost another 20 pounds instantly! I had bought the new bras over a weekend and coworkers I saw on Friday and then Monday thought I'd lost a huge amount of weight over the weekend. Nope. The "girls" are just where they are supposed to be. :D

I think it's quite natural to feel a little self-conscious though. It will get easier as you get used to it.

Embrace it! Own it! Love your "girls!" :D

DixC's right--you get a different perspective on your own cleavage than the rest of the world (with the possible exception of waiters and hair stylists) gets. You're probably dressed more modestly than you might feel you are.

Anyone who's looking is almost certainly noticing a change in your style, not judging your degree of exposure. Everyone admires an attractive feature on others, so a nice figure with shapely chesticles will draw the occasional admiring glance from both men and women. It's no more sexual than glancing up at someone's pretty curls or off to the side to admire their lovely earrings--it's just that we may perceive it as such or find it uncomfortable because it's a "bathing suit area."

I love mine inordinately and although I don't wear too many overtly cleavage-y outfits (they're big so a little cleavage goes a long way), I always dress with the "girls" in mind. The Boob Fairy was kind to me and I don't see the need to hide that fact with boxy shirts and high necklines. :)

Since I've been losing my body shape has changed, and for me, for some strange reason, that means bigger boobs. I'm loving it. My breasts were always very lopsided (almost a cup size difference), this has evened them out quite a bit. One is still a bit bigger but they're closer than they ever have been. I find myself drawn to the tops I couldn't fill out before, and I'm loving it. My fiance loves it too. It does take some getting used to, with more positive attention from others. I was out last week with a friend, and we were heading into the mall. I was wearing nice fitted dress pants, a v neck sweater (and my leather jacket unzipped), and I got checked out. Mind you, it was by a guy in his 50s, but it still counts.

Where are women staring at your chest?

Lovely as you may be, if it's at work, you might rethink.

Can you post a picture of a dress or top with a neckline that is similar to what you're currently wearing?

My idea of a low neckline & too much cleavage showing is likely different from someone else's. Community standards, you know.

I can't provide any insight into your female coworkers, except to say this: I get an obvious once-over at the office from women more than from men. (Men are socialized.) And a once-over from women has a definite path, which includes but isn't limited to my neckline. (It's not because mine is often low. I got it the other day while wearing a plain, not particularly fitted black boat-neck sweater, because I had on an Indian squash blossom necklace.) It's a sizing up of the competition, almost. Well, a "reading." Women know how other women talk with their clothing & appearance. They are familiar with the language. So women will check face, hair, neckline, body, legs, shoes. Practically in order. Like they're sergeants at drill going down a list. It's very visible. Men tend to look first at what's attracted them first, then go in, ah, other directions. But IMHO, it's sidelong & a very discreet flick of the eyes, unless they're disinhibited by surroundings, alcohol, pack behavior, or an unmistakable indication of interest from the female in question.

ETA: Congratulations, BTW, on rediscovering your breasts. I seem to do this when I get a serious crush on someone & I think he's also interested. I start looking at myself & trying to simulate a male gaze. What would a guy see if he looked at me? And I start thinking less about fashion than about my physical appeal. So who's the lucky guy?

i personally dont like showing cleavage of any kind to anyone except my fiancee and thats personally because i want people to admire my face and not my chest...besides..there are MANY shirts out there that dont show cleavage but are tight enough to show off assets and capture attention.. In your case, women are probably staring because its a NEW you that they havent seen before and men? Men stare..you might not notice it..but they do and they will..just like women stare at men but were good at keeping it hush hush.

Yeah, whenever I step up my style I guess you could say, I feel awkward for a little while. For me it takes a week or two to warm up to my new threads. I almost feel like I'm trying too hard. It'll go away though. I just walk with my head high and remind myself that this is ME, it's just a new and improved version of me. Inside I'm thinking "Please stop looking at me pleeeease stop looking at me" but I don't let my face show it.

If you got it Eliana, flaunt it. That's what I think.

Cleavage doesn't belong at work, but if it's outside of work and you are dressing to get attention, then go for it!

You might also want to check and make sure you aren't showing more than you think. I am not afraid of a V neck, but they can gape when you move if you're not careful. Wrap tops are especially precarious. When in doubt, get the cami out!

Saef, I love you today. :D I have been following you all over the place and you are on a roll.

Small print: The lucky guy never sees me clothed. :rofl: It's gym-wear only. *sigh* I have a bad, bad, bad crush. :( So the cleavage is not for him. But the biceps in tank tops are! :D

Sending some love right back, Eliana. It's inspiring to see you happy & excited & blossoming during this time of change.

If I'm on a roll at 3FC, it means I'm working from home, so no one can see the screen over my shoulder, and I'm procrastinating like crazy on a big scary project. (This one is due on Monday to a Rome-based analyst whom I call "Mr. Cookie" because his last name is Biscotti. Not to his face, of course. I need to focus on it soon or it will ruin my weekend, which I don't want to happen.)

Is this your big secret that you're keeping? Your crush at the gym?

Breasts are not such an asset at the gym. They get strapped down & flattened into submission.

At least your guy has probably seen you sweaty already, rather than perfectly made-up, every little tendril of hair sprayed into place & in full costume. He won't think the morning-after look is so different from your usual face. ;-)

Very tempted to just say "if you got it, flaunt it." I assume you're not falling out of your shirts since you seem like someone who is very self aware of how much is "showing." If you're well endowed, cleavage happens with even modest to normal cut shirts. I would imagine you know what is and isn't safe for work clothing-wise. They probably stare because your new clothes show it off. While I don't really understand cleavage (I wear Band-Aids as "bras" under revealing tops) I would never recommend slouching to hide yourself to anyone, ever. So shoulders back and carry yourself with pride! :D

I think you should post a picture so we can judge if your outfit is appropriate. :D

:p Funny. ;)

:rofl: I was waiting for someone to say that!


Seriously though. Boobs are nothing to be ashamed of, wear them with pride. You don't see the guys looking b/c they do it covertly. The women are probably wondering if you had them done and if they should ask for the name of your surgeon. Take it as a compliment b/c I don't think they'd stare otherwise.

:rofl: I've always been envious of smaller boobs, so this just blows my mind, but you are probably right!

Rock those boobs! Nothing wrong with some cleavage, for sure. It's socially acceptable and it projects self confidence. Be happy to be who you are, and be proud of your body.

I would say go for it! As long as it's not office-trashy ;) LOL!!

I have huge knockers (34GG) and a teeny tiny waist, so when I wear form-fitting shirts my girls are OUT there. I don't do cleavage shirts because there's just way too much, but I do wear somewhat form-fitting tops when I feel comfortable in them and feel they aren't too clingy. However, today is an uncomfortable day for me clothing-wise, so I'm glad I found this post. Today I am wearing a black turtleneck top with short sleeves, and it is a little too form-fitting. I feel soooo uncomfortable wearing it because my boobs are totally sticking out, and I probably won't wear it again to work, but at least I know now what I am comfortable with! Or maybe I will keep wearing it until I make myself feel comfortable in it...I say keep wearin' what's darin'!! I've been working hard for this body!! LOL!

Personally, I have NO problem with cleavage ;)........:carrot:

I am uncomfortable with revealing shirts also. All throughout high school I wore super baggy t-shirts (even though I could have shown my body off more). I just was always self-conscious about my body. It helped me to have a boyfriend that, yeah, does love my boobs - but he wants them to stay at home, not say "HI!" to every guy on the street. I don't like that, but I don't wear baggy t-shirts anymore, though. A happy medium!

I think anyone my age (maybe 33-43 ???) may feel self-concious because the STYLE back in high school and college for me was baggy! The bigger the better! This was back in the Cosby era when we girls wouldn't be caught dead shopping in the women's department. We shopped in the men's department. We wore our boyfriends clothes! We wore tight pants, but then we dropped gigantic shirts over them. So during those years when I might have shown off, it was all about covering it all up.

I never quite got out of that. LOL!

Ha! So true. The huge sweater with the leggings. I look back at photos and wonder why the heck I had on things that were 4 sizes too big, and then I remember that everyone did!

My beloved Wind Ensemble shirts "fit" me from 115 pounds (in college) all the way up through 235 pounds with room to grow! I still have them and I still love them but my friend keeps telling me they look ridiculous on me.