Trying not to feel guilty about ME time...
 

So DH gets an ENTIRE day to himself while DS is in preschool - I get nothing. My typical schedule is up at 4:30 to run, taking DS to school, work, home to make dinner, with the gym squeezed in 2xs a week before home. On the weekends I'm with DS all day while cleaning, running errands, etc. So I'm getting a little burnt out lately, especially since I've been working 50 hour weeks and soon to be working 60 for 6 weeks, and I decided that I'm going to go to a yoga class after the gym tonight putting my home at about 8:00 pm, with just enough time to make myself dinner and spend maybe 15 mins with my son before he needs to go to bed. I'd like to start going to yoga at minimum 1x a week, prefferably 2xs, but I just can't get past the guilt that I should be home spending time with my DS. I know that "me" time is important and destressing is really really important, but I'm having a really hard time with it. But I don't want to be one of those people who never put a priority on themselves until it's too late, on the other hand I feel like tomorrow I'm going to wake up and my DS is going to be moving onto college or something (he's only 2 1/2 btw :)).

So how do I let myself think it's ok that 1-2xs a week, DH can handle things at home and I can go to yoga for ME? Other than running at 4:30 in the morning and hitting the gym for weights 2xs a week it's the only thing I'd get to do for myself. The only other downtime I get is while DS is napping on the weekends. Anyway, I need some supportive words of wisdom. Some me time is going to make me a better mom and wife right?

They grow so fast.

Can you swap out an early morning run for a yoga or weight training session?

Honestly, if your schedule wasn't so tough, 50 hours, going up to 60 hours? I would say do it, but why do you need to add that class now?

Or, if you really feel you need to do it, can your husband make dinner? or something so that you get more time with your son in the evening?

See, while I think it's important to take care of yourself, you are running every day and weight training twice a week. You are getting enough fitness. Your son's needs are highest now until about age 5. You can never get that time back, ever. You wanted to have a child (and mentioned in another thread, you are planning another at some point), then you need to make them a priority too. He needs you every day, not just all day on weekends. Right now mom is the most important person in the world to this little one.

But, that's just my two cents. You have to do what you have to do.

At first I thought you meant that your DH was fighting you over the extra time away from your family. But if you're just trying to convince yourself that your husband can handle things at home, Heck YES! Your son will be getting some valuable alone time with his dad (and vice versa), and you'll be de-stressing. It's a win for everyone.

Avoiding burnout and having me-time absolutely helps you to be a better mom and wife. But you've heard the saying:

You can have it all, just not all at once.

That is VERY true. It's all about priorities. My girls are 11, 14 and 15. It really does seem like it happens overnight.

I'm thinking your priorities are (or you want them to be) something like -

1) You - your health, wellbeing and sanity
2) DS - emotional and health
3) DH - nurturing a good relationship with a lifelong friend and partner with whom you can enjoy life and support each other in your goals as individuals and a family

Then career, housework and errands fall somewhere under those 3 probably.

So, instead of taking time and energy away from one of your top 3 priorities, why not take it away from something else.

Could you do something like:
Sun - strength and yoga at the gym while dh is with ds
Mon - 4:30a run
Tue - 4:30a run
Wed - 4:30a run
Thur - 4:30a strength training at home
Fri - 4:30a run
Sat - 4:30a run

Then, ask hubby to help with errands, cleaning, etc on weekends so you can get things done more quickly and go out with hubby once a week. Seriously... make it a priority to spend alone time with your hubby at least once a week. Do something fun with him EVERY week!

A strong partnership with your husband, means having someone there who can help you do all of those mundane "have-to-do" things, so you both can get on to living fulfilling and meaningful lives.

Your statement "So DH gets an ENTIRE day to himself while DS is in preschool - I get nothing." worries me. Either hubby works from home and you're not giving him credit for that, or he's a slacker that not only allows you to work 50-60 hour weeks while he sits on his butt doing nothing, but also expects you to make your dinner and do the cleaning and errands during the few waking hours you are at home.

Either way, that situation is heading for divorce, which will really cramp your "me" time.

You absolutely have a right to me time. You should do everything you can do to avoid getting burned out. It's just good to try to do that in a way that doesn't take away from the people that you love and love you the most. If you love and support them, they are much more likely to be able to love and support you back, which will help you get the me-time, relaxation and de-stressing time everyone, including you, needs and deserves.

I hope you get what you need! :hug:

I'm off to read a book to my girls. Yes, they still like that stuff. :D

I don't know.....I don't think I could add in an additional workout if it meant only spending 15 minutes with my child that day. If you weren't already taking daily runs and going to the gym a couple times a week, I would say take the hour to destress, it'll make you a better mom, but you are already dedicating a large portion of your free time to exercise. You need a little time together with your family each day. I am a working, student, single mother to three boys. My ME time is cuddling at the end of the day with them. Could you perhaps do the yoga on a Saturday, leaving the rest of the day for your family, errands, etc.?

What about swapping yoga for some of the running while you are doing this temporary 60 hr work week thing? Or doing the yoga at home before starting the day? To me it seems easier to fit it into the EXISTING pattern than stick on another thing.

And when do you spend time with DH?

A.

Thanks guys, I hear what you're saying.

Just to clarify, I run M, W, F and Su before anyone is awake and am home by 6:00pm and I go to the gym T and Th after work and am home by 6:30pm.

I went to yoga tonight and was home by 7:40 and got an hour with my son while I enhaled some leftovers while DH gave him a bath. It's all a delicate balancing act I guess. DH works a lot too and has his own chores, errands and responsibilities. Mondays just happens to be his other day off besides Sundays and he often gets to go run his errands without the distraction of others and get in some "him" time. We get time together after DS is asleep and we make a point to have a date night a couple times a month.

So I'm not sure if I'll continue yoga, but I'll say it was wonderful and I feel very relaxed. So we'll see...

I see. That makes more sense! I was thought you meant the whole day every day. I misread what you were saying. I hope you're feeling refreshed and rejuvenated now that you've had some Yoga! :)

Maybe Yoga at home might be an option, or an addition as well. Encourage your son to do it with you. Kids love to "be a cat" and then "be a dog". Even if you're not doing it alone, it should still help to give you more energy.

my daughter is this way too. even if it's a real w/o video. she loves to do the shimmy (belly dancing) and cathe friedrich videos on fit tv.