[jess jp]

Originally Posted by BarristerGirl

I think its natural for people to communicate via comparison... to make themselves relateable, to offer advice, etc. As you can see, almost everyone has responded with a similar story/anecdote, but i think most of us can tell that no one here is trying to maliciously one up you.

This! almost everyone who responded did the same thing to help you realize you are not alone-it happens to them too, ect. i am guilty of this. in no way though am i ever trying to one up anybody. it's more like, 'yes, i completely understand that feeling, isn't it horrible/exciting/ect?'
with that said i think everyone of us has had someone who truly does want and try to one up and is not doing it UNintentionally. and that's just dumb.

[tytbody]

Sometimes its how we relate to the deep feeling the other person is having. Sme conversations warrant you telling the other person that " I get it "

But that pregnancy one, wholly Molly Andy, I hate those conversations with a passion. I walk out of the room or to do something.

[spixiet]

I had a college roommate who was particularly bad about doing this for absolutely everything (and not to commiserate, sorry to say). One time, after telling her about a particularly bad day, she started to come back with her story about what a horrible day she had...and I totally interrupted her, said "No, I WIN!" and walked out of the room...she didn't do it quite as frequently after that

[losermom]

I recently tried to reconnect with an old friend. We had kind of drifted apart over the years and hadn't spoken in probably 10 years. She lives 1.5 hours away from me. The last time we spoke (10 years ago) I realized that she was a total one-upper about her kids--they are truly "perfect" children, especially her eldest, a son, who is the same age as my DS15.

I contacted her by email and her response floored me. Her kids are STILL PERFECT! My kids never were, and still are not, perfect. My point and I do have one is that this "friend" still has perfect kids and mine will never measure up. I thought that perhaps she had grown in the past 10 years. I was wrong.

ETA: Sorry if I came off as a one-upper myself. It was not my intention. I truly understand how loathsome it can be if you just want someone to listen.

[astrophe]

Sorry to hear that.

I don't know her reasons for one upping you -- perhaps she was trying to relate. Or perhaps she's lonely and doesn't have enough listeners in her life?

Whatever it is... in my own life I've learned to state what I want up front. "I need a friendly ear who isn't going to judge or ..."

Or ask what is needed, "I hear you say ____. How do you need me to be? Like just an ear to listen or a sounding board or...."

Just my 2 cents.

A.

[milmin2043]

Has anyone ever seen the skits on Saturday Night Live with Penelope the one-upper? Hilarious. Whenever I am talking to someone who habitually has to one-up, I think of Penelope and it instantly takes me away from being angry about it and into being funny.