General chatter Because life isn't just about dieting. Play games, jokes, or share what's new in your life!

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-04-2002, 12:16 PM   #1  
Member
Thread Starter
 
baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: new jersey
Posts: 48

Default Need Advise Re:my Kids Weight

HI GUYS,

NEED SOME ADVISE. I AM A MOTHER OF 2 GIRLS, AGES 11 AND 14.
THEY ARE BOTH OVERWEIGHT. I THINK IT IS MAINLY FROM THERE GENES AND A COMBINATION OF THE WAY I USE TO COOK. I HAVE HAD A WEIGHT PROBLEM ALL MY LIFE. NOW AFTER SO LONG I HAVE FINALLY BEEN SUCCESSFULL AT LOOSING 80 POUNDS, AND STILL HAVE MORE TO LOOSE. MY QUESTION IS WHAT TO DO?
THIS WEEKEND I HAD IT OUT WITH MY 14 YEAR OLD(WHICH BY THE WAY IS ONE OF THE BEST BASKETBALL PLAYERS AT HER SCHOOL). HER BLOOD PRESSURE CAME OUT A LITTLE HIGH AT A PHYSICAL AND IT SCARED ME TO DEATH. WHEN I TALK TO THEM THEY TAKE IT AS AN INSULT, AND SHE TOLD ME, MOM DON'T YOU THINK WE KNOW WE ARE OVERWEIGHT EVERYBODY AROUND TELLS US AND YOU ALSO HAVE TO TELL US !

I KNOW IT IS ANNOYING WHEN PEOPLE NAG YOU, BECAUSE I WENT THROUGH IT. WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO IS, THE ONLY WAY THEY WILL LOOSE IT'S WHEN THEY ARE GOOD AND READY.
SO HOW AM I HELPING BY REMINDING THEM OF THEIR WEIGHT PROBLEM. THE DOCTOR GETS MAD AT ME WHEN HE WEIGHS THEM. AS IF I COULD SWING MY MAGIC WAND AND GET THEM IN SHAPE. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING, I PLAY BASKETBALL WITH THEM. I USE TO ASK THEM TO WALK WITH ME THEY FIRST DID AND THEN THEY STARTED SAYING NO. NOW I JOINED THE OLDER ONE AT THE GYM I AM ATTENDING. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO WAKE UP FOR CLASSES ON THE WEEKEND AND SHE ALWAYS HAS AN EXCUSE FOR NOT GOING THERE. THE YOUNGER ONE DOES NOT LIKE ANY VEGETABLES, WHAT DO I DO FORCE IT DOWN HER THROAT. MAYBE I SEEM LIKE WHIMP BUT I FEEL THAT FORCING IS NOT THE ANSWER. BUT TALKING SEEMS NOT TO BE THE ANSWER EITHER. WHAT IS THE ANSWER. I WAS READING THESE OTHER THREADS OF YOUNG WOMEN TALKING ABOUT THERE MOTHER, AND HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THEY FELT AROUND THEM BECAUSE THE MOTHERS WOULD MENTION THEIR WEIGHT.

I DON'T WANT TO HURT THEM, THEY ARE EVERYTHING TO ME. BUT HOW CAN I HELP THEM. I AM ALREADY COOKING HEALTHY FOR A YEAR AND A HALF. I DON'T WANT TO BE THERE ENEMY BUT I DON'T WANT THEM TO GET SICK DUE TO THERE WEIGHT. APPRECIATE ANY ADVISE.

FRUSTRATED MOM.

Last edited by baby; 11-04-2002 at 12:18 PM.
baby is offline  
Old 11-04-2002, 03:59 PM   #2  
Senior Member
 
goodforme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Lexington, South Carolina
Posts: 1,510

S/C/G: 242.5/193.4/170

Height: 5'9"

Default

I wish I could help you! I have a 5 year old who weighs 76 pounds and wears the largest child's size. Next year she will be in adult clothes. Her doctor thinks there's something wrong with me when I bring up her weight, he says she's perfectly healthy and I shouldn't try to limit her foods in any way! I have been overweight my whole life, and I wish my parents had done something to help me when I was a child, because by my teenage years I was miserable. I agree, you can't force them to do anything, and as long as you're cooking healthy and keeping the junk out of the house, you can't force them to exercise. Just wanted to let you know I sympathise, and I hope you find an answer!
goodforme is offline  
Old 11-05-2002, 05:06 PM   #3  
Bewitchin' in the kitchen
 
mauvaisroux's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 11,506

Default

I am not a parent so I'm afraid that I have no experience with this but I saw a book today by Marilu Henner called "Raising Healthy Kids" it may be worth checking out. Also you could check your local library to see if there are any other titles in the parenting section or fitness/nutrition area that address these issues.

Dr. Phil just did a show on this recently and might still have some info on his website I think the address is www.Drphil.com I hope you can find some guidance to help with your girls. You are being a great mom by looking out for their health and caring about them
mauvaisroux is offline  
Old 11-07-2002, 04:26 PM   #4  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Pine River,WI Waushara
Posts: 1,152

Default

In the first place, your daughters are teenagers so NOTHING you say is going to be right! They will not lose weight until THEY are ready to. I'd tell your doctor privately that they refuse to eat properly or exercise. After that, shush up. Don't say a word! Provide fresh fruits and veggies~healthy snacks and healthy meals. Don't buy sugary soda or sweets. Tell them, if they ask, that you don't want to be tempted so you don't buy them.
Continue to do your thing with dieting and exercise, but don't ask them to join you.
Not dieting and exercising is a form of rebellion for them right now. If they don't feel that they are doing something you want them to do, maybe things will change. Regarding the BP, all that you could mention to your daughter is that she might have to quit sports if it doesn't go down--or have the doctor tell her that.
Tippy is offline  
Old 11-08-2002, 08:15 PM   #5  
Senior Member
 
trixiepup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 352

Default

i dunno. my doctor sent me to a nutritionist at 11-12 or so. he really should be talking to them, and not to you. they are old enough to understand what health issues can come up if they don't take care of themselves. i mean, the dr. can repeat the info to you, but they need to learn responsibility for their own health at some point, so you may as well start now.

the blood pressure could be high because of nerves and stress with the dr visit. if it is repeatedly high, then i would worry more.

i would encourage your daughters to be active, even if it doesn't make them into thin girls. the fact that your one daughter is awesome in basketball is a good sign. try to get the other one involved in a sport. sometimes the gym is boring and may not appeal to people. there are lots of fun things that are active, like dance, rock climbing, hiking/camping groups, bicycling, swimming, etc. she may be more of an introvert that would do better in a more solitary thing than a team thing.

what you really need to focus on doing is not making their weight an issue. they may sorta feel that by being overweight, you may not love them as much, or that you disapprove of them in some way. i know that isn't your goal, but that's how these things can sometimes be interpreted.

as difficult as it may be, i would tell them what is going on and relay this to them as adults. tell them this is how you are cooking, because you are learning more about good health and you want to be around to seem the graduate, marry, etc. tell them you exercise for the same reason. tell them that you worry about their health because you didn't set the best example for them initially, but you want them to be healthy young women, but you aren't going to force them to do anything. if they want to join you in a walk, or meal, they can. if they want to do some other activity, you'll help them get involved in that. if they are happy with who they are right now, that's okay too, because you love them no matter what.
trixiepup is offline  
Old 11-13-2002, 12:55 PM   #6  
Member
Thread Starter
 
baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: new jersey
Posts: 48

Default

Thanks, great advise. I am trying to lay low and not make too many comments. Last night my husband kindda forced my little one to eat some cauliflower. I hate when he does that but I now she needs to eat some veggies. I'll keep trying to help them quietly.
thanks.
baby is offline  
Old 11-24-2002, 06:25 PM   #7  
Jen
Senior Member
 
Jen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,589

Height: 5'3"

Default

I think that taking the non-verbal approach ie providing healthy snacks, not buying junk food for the house etc is the best way to go. I was also overweight as a child and my mom bugged the heck out of me all the time. I don't blame her for me being overweight but it doesn't help when she is always on my back about it even today. Sometimes I wonder if I am overweight just to spite her? Don't force your children into eating stuff they don't want to eat or participating in exercise if they don't want to. there are plenty of ways to get them more active (the basketball and gym sound great) without it being a reminder that they are overweight. Believe me they know they are overweight and are probably very self conscious about it. They want reassurance from you that even though they are overweight that they are still pretty and good people. I wouldn't go nuts over what the dr says. He shouldn't be blaming you. He must not know very much about kids if he thinks it is your fault. If I could have gotten my mother to help me more when I was a kid it would have been through getting me into more activities and less time reading and in front of the tv. Just be a good role model. That is all you can ask of any parent.
Jen is offline  
Old 01-23-2003, 11:11 AM   #8  
Senior Member
 
aphil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Indiana
Posts: 6,411

S/C/G: 233.9/143/160

Height: 5'7"

Default

Hello,
I don't want you to blame yourself for your children being overweight-but it is most likely that they are not heavy due to genetics, but rather from learned habits.
You said that you have just started cooking healthy and exercising and making all of these healthy changes in the past year or two-this is a good thing. You have realized that your inactivity and eating habits are what caused your weight problem, and you are doing what it takes to correct that.
The problem lies in that your daughters have grown up with these unhealthy habits that have made them overweight, and now over the past year or so-everything has changed. They were used to eating a certain way, and now that you have taken the road to better health and have lost weight-everything has changed for them. In their eyes, since you decided to become healthy, all of a sudden you don't cook like you used to, they are hearing you and the doctor tell them about their weight problem, and your husband is making them eat vegetables. They are obviously resenting the sudden change. Did your husband make your daughter eat cauliflower 4 years ago, and did you even cook it then? I am not being down on you at all, but I am trying to show you how your daughters may be seeing things.
When a child has grown up eating a certain way, you cannot just force all of this on them at one time. Try to find recipes for things that they like in lower fat/calorie versions. I also think it would be important if you made up plates for everyone instead of having empty plates at the table with the food one serving dishes in the center. It would help as far as portion control a bit. As far as veggies-I won't even eat cauliflower. Try more kid friendly veggies, such as baby carrots, or celery with peanut butter on it, or corn on the cob. You may also try preparing it in different ways to see what they like better. For instance-I hate raw broccoli, but love it cooked. Try making fruit "shakes" in a smoothie blender out of frozen strawberries, bananas, and a little juice. They will love them.
I just think that you need to moderate their diets, but in a more kid friendly manner. I do however, understand the doctor getting upset with you-because even though you didn't force feed them, it was the habits in your household that put them where they are. You have made the change, and that is wonderful-but they are resenting it now-since it is still new to them, and it is being forced upon them.
Instead of wanting them to go walking with you-why don't you try to get some "hidden" exercise in? Take them to the zoo or to the mall-both require a lot of walking around, and they won't even realize what you are doing. Get them one of those goofy tapes that teach them dance choreography of Britney Spears and N'Sync. I bought my young children Teletubbie exercise and they love it. An 11 year old is not going to want to go to the gym and walk on a treadmill, so you have to be sneakier than that.
While they need to be talked to by the doctor about health concerns like an adult, they are still at an age where exercise and eating habits need to still be handled like a child. Don't preach to much about a food being healthy or not fattening. Just try to make healthy foods that they will actually eat.
Aphil

Last edited by aphil; 01-23-2003 at 11:13 AM.
aphil is offline  
Old 01-26-2003, 01:50 PM   #9  
MLH
Junior Member
 
MLH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: MS
Posts: 4

Default

Hi, I also have a child who is over weight. My daughter is 12 and she wears a womens size 18. I have tried to talk to her but she too gets aggrivated with me. She now stands at 5 feet 5 inches tall and she weighs roughly 165 pounds.

I hope to find some good advise here as well. Please keep me posted on how things are going with you and your daughters. I would love to know.

Thanks,

Melanie
MLH is offline  
Old 01-26-2003, 06:45 PM   #10  
Senior Member
 
aphil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Indiana
Posts: 6,411

S/C/G: 233.9/143/160

Height: 5'7"

Default

Melanie-
Why don't you haev a serious talk with her about her weight. Not getting down on her, but really asking her how she feels about it, and if it bothers her at all-or if she is really fine with it. It may make her feel more at ease if you talk with her about how you feel about your own weight issues. A lot of young girls are not going to admit how bad it makes them feel in front of their mother. You really need to break down the walls with her in a gentle nonthreatening way, and talking first about your own issues with your body may make that easier than asking her to talk about hers.
Getting them to open up is the key. I think that with the lady who started this thread, that seeing their mother lose weight, and now feeling pressure from her and their doctor is causing resentment.
Aphil
aphil is offline  
Old 01-29-2003, 04:20 PM   #11  
Hanging in There
 
DawnStorm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Wheaton MD
Posts: 114

Question Don't know why the heck I'm adding my 2 cents...

I don't have any kids, and IMO the childless have no business telling a parent how to raise their child(ren), but on the other hand (there's fingers ), a childless person can probably look at issues like this more objectively. Anyway, you might want to check out Sugar Busters for Kids. That diet works for me, and I figure if it works for me, than it works period. I take it your children's doc ruled out a medical condition? I was big enough to qualify for my own zip code when I was 14, and I was heavy until I went to college and walked it all off. Univ of MD in College Park is a big campus. I have a genetic tendancy to put on weight, but that just means that I have my work cut out for me. When I saw doctor about my weight three years ago, he suggested walking--which I love--and weight training. Not that I had to look like Arnold Schwartzneger, but weight training will add tone and strength. Good luck to you and yours.
DawnStorm is offline  
Old 01-30-2003, 09:57 AM   #12  
Senior Member
 
aphil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Indiana
Posts: 6,411

S/C/G: 233.9/143/160

Height: 5'7"

Default

I didn't mention it in the posts, but I do have children.
Aphil
aphil is offline  
Old 01-30-2003, 01:59 PM   #13  
Senior Member
 
trixiepup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 352

Default

Aphil, I don't think Dawnstorm meant to insinuate that your comments were not okay because you didn't have children. I think Dawnstorm was using that as a disclaimer to say she didn't have kids, so her advice may not be wanted, but it still could apply to Baby's kids.

Sorry if I'm out of line, or if I misunderstood what happened.
trixiepup is offline  
Old 01-30-2003, 03:19 PM   #14  
Hanging in There
 
DawnStorm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Wheaton MD
Posts: 114

Default

Quote:
Originally posted by trixiepup
I think Dawnstorm was using that as a disclaimer to say she didn't have kids, so her advice may not be wanted, but it still could apply to Baby's kids.

Sorry if I'm out of line, or if I misunderstood what happened.
That's exactly what I meant Trixiepup. I'm never sure whether or not to put in my two cents regarding kids, because I don't have any of my own (my choice), but OTOH, I think that my childlessness allows me step back and look at the issue more objectively--I'm not as close to it. I may not have kids but I was a kid once, so I can draw on my own experiences. In the end, I figure I'd post my advice and Melanie--or any other parent--can take it for what it's worth. I figure the response will either be a) what do you know--you're not a parent! or b) hmm, never thought of that!
BTW, my mom and I used to have the same arguments with the same results, but at least, Melanie, your daughters are active whereas I have the athletic ability of a tree sloth. I was the one that was never chosen for a PE team--a team was stuck with me, as in 'oh man, we got Dawn!' To this day I don't know what all the fuss was about--Lord knows I never participated! Have your daughters checked out the teen forum on this site? Good luck and remember, Rome wasn't built in a day.
DawnStorm is offline  
Old 01-30-2003, 03:22 PM   #15  
Hanging in There
 
DawnStorm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Wheaton MD
Posts: 114

Red face Good Lord!

I just realized I was addressing the wrong person! Sorry about that. Sheesh, at least those senior moments could wait until tomorrow, when it's no longer my b.day!
DawnStorm is offline  
Closed Thread

Related Topics
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Why do women think this? mom4life Weight Loss Support 22 07-16-2009 10:00 PM
Bad news, need advise..... aschenbrodel Calorie Counters 11 04-19-2007 12:31 AM
♥ Christian Encouragers #206 ♥ SunnyD57 Faith Based Support Groups 134 08-15-2005 09:53 AM


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:41 PM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.