Originally Posted by goodforme:
Ummmmm! My GOAL IN LIFE is to weigh 170. I'd be ecstatic if I were that thin. And my SO, even with his foot-in-mouth disease, better damn well salivate at the sight of me.

*snort* I *love* this! :D

Here's is something that woke me up when I was married. I had just gotten off a ride at our rennaissance festival, and I was walking towards my husband (at the time) and he was talking to a friend of his he ran into. I could tell his friend asked where I was, and my "ex" husband looked right at me, up and down, and pointed in another direction. I saw the embarrassment in his eyes. The disgust, the horror. He was ashamed of me. I'm not going to lie, I was ashamed of myself. When I asked him later what his problem was regarding that, he replied "I just want my beautiful wife back! I just want the girl I fell in love with!" he lashed out at me, as if it was JUST my fault for getting so big. I was at my highest weight during that time, and scales didn't give the realization I needed, it was pictures that spoke the truth, it was comments people made, it was that look he gave me that I will never forget!

Even though him and I may be divorced now, and moved on with our lives, deep down I thank him for making me realize I didn't want to be living the way I was living. It was a hard realization, it was brutal, painful, and a I couldn't be happier for making that decision when I did. He never called me "fat" to my face, he never said I was gross, but I already knew I had a problem, and the fact that I was in denial made it that much worse.

Your wife knows. Unfortunately she's eating her emotions. A feeling I'm much too familiar with. Wish I had some better advice to offer you for your troubles. Sorry. I merely spoke from experience.

I'm going to skirt all of the other issues and answer your question, just as guamvixen did. What made me realize I needed to lose weight? For me, it was health issues. I have pre-diabetes now, and I know someone who died from type 2. He lost his eyesight and his kidney function, and was going to lose his feet, but he died before that happened. I want to be here for my children and husband. If it were not for this diagnosis, I'm sure I would not have started dieting, even if I wanted to lose weight desperately. I just didn't have the strength to do it, or so I thought. Turns out, I do, but I really don't think I believed that.

Originally Posted by guamvixen:
Here's is something that woke me up when I was married. I had just gotten off a ride at our rennaissance festival, and I was walking towards my husband (at the time) and he was talking to a friend of his he ran into. I could tell his friend asked where I was, and my "ex" husband looked right at me, up and down, and pointed in another direction. I saw the embarrassment in his eyes. The disgust, the horror. He was ashamed of me. I'm not going to lie, I was ashamed of myself. When I asked him later what his problem was regarding that, he replied "I just want my beautiful wife back! I just want the girl I fell in love with!" he lashed out at me, as if it was JUST my fault for getting so big. I was at my highest weight during that time, and scales didn't give the realization I needed, it was pictures that spoke the truth, it was comments people made, it was that look he gave me that I will never forget!

Even though him and I may be divorced now, and moved on with our lives, deep down I thank him for making me realize I didn't want to be living the way I was living. It was a hard realization, it was brutal, painful, and a I couldn't be happier for making that decision when I did. He never called me "fat" to my face, he never said I was gross, but I already knew I had a problem, and the fact that I was in denial made it that much worse.

Your wife knows. Unfortunately she's eating her emotions. A feeling I'm much too familiar with. Wish I had some better advice to offer you for your troubles. Sorry. I merely spoke from experience.

ROFL...sorry, but I bet your ex is pooping his pants about now with the new you! I hope you have someone wonderful!

Originally Posted by guamvixen:
Here's is something that woke me up when I was married. I had just gotten off a ride at our rennaissance festival, and I was walking towards my husband (at the time) and he was talking to a friend of his he ran into. I could tell his friend asked where I was, and my "ex" husband looked right at me, up and down, and pointed in another direction. I saw the embarrassment in his eyes. The disgust, the horror. He was ashamed of me. I'm not going to lie, I was ashamed of myself. When I asked him later what his problem was regarding that, he replied "I just want my beautiful wife back! I just want the girl I fell in love with!" he lashed out at me, as if it was JUST my fault for getting so big. I was at my highest weight during that time, and scales didn't give the realization I needed, it was pictures that spoke the truth, it was comments people made, it was that look he gave me that I will never forget!

Even though him and I may be divorced now, and moved on with our lives, deep down I thank him for making me realize I didn't want to be living the way I was living. It was a hard realization, it was brutal, painful, and a I couldn't be happier for making that decision when I did. He never called me "fat" to my face, he never said I was gross, but I already knew I had a problem, and the fact that I was in denial made it that much worse.

Your wife knows. Unfortunately she's eating her emotions. A feeling I'm much too familiar with. Wish I had some better advice to offer you for your troubles. Sorry. I merely spoke from experience.

Wow, your ex sounds like a real jerk (no offense).

I'm afraid you can't do a lot until she decides it's time to lose weight. I've been there, and trust me when I say it's got to come from her. Until I realized that for myself and my healthy I needed to lose fat, nothing worked. One day I just kind of snapped inside and that was it.

Also, at 43 and 5' 4", even 180 isn't horrible or beyond repair. She's just barely obese, so even with a few pounds loss she's back to being just overweight again (that was amazing help for me when I was at that point).

She won't appreciate you monitoring everything she eats. Then it's like you're trying to take control, and that's not gonna be a good feeling for her. You can try to help, be supportive and all, but don't try to do it for her. It'll never work, and might even have the opposite effect you want.

She knows she weighs more than she wants. It's possible she DOES know her weight. For a time I feigned ignorance to mine to avoid having to tell people what I weighed b/c I was embarrassed.

Be there for her, make sure she knows you love her no matter what.

Maybe you should start exercising and eating right, and by doing that encourage her to join you in it. Don't make it all about her - make it about you as a couple, as that's your real concern, isn't it? Seems like it from the posts.

You're a good guy for being worried about her. Just make sure you're kind and helpful. Do it with her, not FOR her and not because of her. Make it something for the two of you - make it your goal to get healthier, not specifically to lose weight. That will come with health.

Also, you might want to do research into tasty, well-textured, healthy foods she'll love. Then eat that with her. Show her your with her on anything and everything.

That's just my two cents. Good luck, and remember that she's probably feeling worse than you are.